My Daily Okonomiyaki

A Creature and Its Victim

2010-10-09T18:47:00.001-07:00

In a fight between two parties,
only one will outsmart the other,
one victor and one loser,
but results often lie,
let’s admit it, we crown champions real easy,
we ameliorate them,
and we humiliate the defeated,
treating them like a bright yellow trash bag
containing a corpse of a cat,
its still, soft body twitching occasionally,
as if its spirit is fighting for another chance, another round
at completing its task of severing
the veins of what was supposedly the victim.
Poor cat, mangled, strangled by Mother,
whose hands are clawed and flowing with blood,
walking out the house carrying her trophy
triumphantly, to the garbage disposal,
plodding about to the praise of invisible powers and people,
while her visible sons stare
at their champion
crumble and form into a
creature.

15.70

2010-10-09T18:46:00.001-07:00

Five-teen dollahs and seven tee sense,
says the waitress,
her slang as sharp as the slits of her Chinese eyes,
her verbs and nouns
planted so haphazardly,
almost growing out of her equally garbled flowery apron.

Fifteen Ringgit and seventy cents,
corrects Mom,
in the accent acquired from St. George’s,
where the finest girls are given British brains
to etch up Eastern Elizabeths,
perfectly poised to stand upright, polite and petite,
flawless aristocrats, no bawlers of fowl vowels.

15.70 please,
I mouthed
a weak reply to a matted-haired Mandarin woman,
so meekly I’d hope she wouldn’t mind my English
though she didn’t take matters into hands, her lips battered me
in diction enunciated faster than I could pronounce Women’s Weekly,
exposed me a British banana, muted within my sallow skin.

Spiritual Oppression

2010-10-04T18:06:00.001-07:00

Two syllables kept babbling in my ears,
A tape blaring, banging away at my drums
With sticks sprouted with thorns.
Good Lord, take them away,
My hands are bleeding,
Marking my pleadings on the wall
Only You and I could read.
I’m left bleak with unsympathizing, sick
Hands violating me with great shame,
Patronizing again and yet again the repeat button
That plays the agonizing percussion, “You’ve failed.”

My Japanese Roommate

2010-09-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

My roommate from Japan knew not Pepé,
A skunk he called a puppy dog,
Doggie, Doggie, Doggie, chased he the thing,
He never saw what hit him then,
No marks, no scars, but he left like a corpse,
Both eyes and nose kept wide-opened,
Third day he rose, never to near one more,
Shota boy, bless his heart and soul.

My Dusty Photo

2010-09-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

My table stands a picture framed in dust,

Of friends, dear friends who one by one have left,

How ticks and tocks time, blown as if by gust,

At last, one more flew, ceded me a cleft,

Prompts me with pain that cleaning is a must.

Letter To a Friend

2010-05-31T22:38:00.000-07:00

Letter to a friend,
Meant to be written to bid farewell,
All clumped up in my head,
Clogged up as it seems
With erratic emotions,
Flushed with days gone by,
With stains that could have ruined the friendship,
Yet become the source of laughter,
Making us closer than brothers.

Dear Lord,
It's not easy to see a friend off,
My mind is filled with desire to stay on,
Unwilling to move on,
Yet, You have plans for me,
Good ones beyond what I can ever imagine,
So I thank You that I got to meet him,
Even if it is for a brief period of time
In this world that is never ours.

Son of a Weatherman

2010-05-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

I'm a son of a weather man,
Whose sole obsession is
To stare at the sky and hope it'll fall,
But I'm not like him,
Dare I ask why?
I love the smell of the air before
The waters plunge down,
I love rainbows visible and green grass,
Wet with heaven's dew.
Yet, I'm not my Father,
I can wait for eternity just staring at nature,
And Father is like me,
Except that he'd expect dollar signs to
Fall down with the rain.
I used to despise Father,
Because I've never quite seem to resemble him,
Sound like him,
Or like the things he likes,
Pray, should I even be like him at all?
I've learned, though,
That I'm never meant to be like him,
That it's alright to be myself,
To have my own ideals, opinions and goals,
And to have the rights to believe that money isn't everything.
Father, I pray that you'd understand one day,
That I'll always be yours,
But I'll never quite be the one you'd hope,
And my greatest desire is for you
To return a smile and embrace me.

Reflections on a Rainy Day

2010-05-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

Gloomy days are usually dark,
Cloudy and occasionally rainy,
I don't know why,
But it reminds me of times of being
Separated from loved ones,
Of times when sorrow seems to be
Unending,
Of days when my food are but tears,
And my heart cut open,
Waiting to bleed down the ground.

Honey, many have said,
Is good with a cup of hot tea on a
Rainy day,
I wonder why,
Perhaps it reminds us that there is
Goodness in the world,
That healing tastes even sweater
After the torrents break loose,
And especially when life seems nothing
But a floodgate of tears.

A Day in an English Class in America

2010-04-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Voices in my head,
Voices around me,
I turn my head around
In a chamber filled with others,
To eye on their mouths rapidly
Moving,
Twitching,
Producing sounds to add to a symphony of angelic choruses,
Or to condemn to hell litanies of said words
Not worthy to be enthroned.

With eyes but little lines carved on yellow skin,
I sometimes peer out the translucent barrier
Perhaps to catch a glimpse of something else
That might excite me,
An altogether ingenious excuse
To avoid the cloistered realm,
Where the celestial war rages
Among the others.

And I,
On the outskirts,
Am always invited to join in
The battle that is never mine,
To carry weapons that are foreign,
To tear down what is truly in my heart,
Forced to feign a face bright with a large smile,
But deep inside, my blood seethe with inexpressible anger,
Nothing but conflicted feelings,
That I'd betrayed my roots,
Sold my worth to others
Who'd read so much,
Yet whose feet are so firmly planted
On this soil of supposed freedom and beauty,
Unable to understand what it means
To be of both worlds,
But in actuality,
Neither.

Comfort Foods

2010-03-10T14:26:00.001-08:00

In these past few days, I have started to think more about what I would define as my comfort food. I used to think the 70 sen tau sar pau as a comforting breakfast food until I tried making it here, which is a pain, or the hot and spicy fried chicken from KFC, until I realized that the only spicy stuff in American KFCs is their hot sauce, which is ironically not hot, or pipping hot bak kut teh, until I forget that I costs a bomb to make it here.

Well, I've begun reevaluating my cravings nowadays. Sadly to say, my stomach's been moving towards Chick-Fil-A's chicken sandwich and Nong Shim's "Indo-mie," Chapagetti. It is just this very day that I had a sampling of both my recent favorites, which I have tried to resist against for a while now. The sumptuous chicken sandwich with a touch of mayonaise... Heaven. And the Korean ramen version of the Chajang Myun.... So delectable. God save me.

Head or Tail, It’s Part of the Same Coin

2010-01-13T14:29:00.001-08:00

Flip a coin, pray for heads,
Hope for an angel to emerge from cupped hands,
Eyes staring, sweat dripping down my brows,
Drums rolling within my heart…
Silence.
Light faded, darkness enters,
When Lucifer gaily laughs at Adam and Eve,
And my life dangles precariously on its tail.
Such luck, huh?
They say you win some, you lose some.
But when you toss a coin,
Heads or tails dictate your destiny,
This time,
I thought I lost everything,
In this game of life.
Flip it again,
Glittering the coin goes,
Flittering up and then descends nonchalantly,
Into the hands of One,
Whose grace is sufficient for me.
Surfacing from the palms that holds both life and death,
Gabriel stands, announcing peace,
Then, everything hangs in a standstill,
In awe,
Like a child staring at billowing clouds in an empty blue sky,
When I realize that sorrow lies for only a time,
And that life has two sides,
Enclosed inside the hands of the Great I AM.

When Leaves Fall in Autumn

2009-11-07T18:32:00.000-08:00

Down, down, down, one by one, the leaves fall down,

Everything is stripped apart, brown with frown.

Walking on the sideway thinking of Fall,

When beauty untainted walked fair with God,

Till folly chokes her to the depths writes Paul,

And now we thread aimlessly as we plod.

Down, down, down, one by one, the leaves fall down,

Everything is stripped apart, none with crown.

Falling into the nothingness, I pray,

When the cold chill slowly creeps in and drags

The leaves down, do we not too go astray?

Down on the ground, we're nothing but soiled rags.

Down, down, down, one by one, the leaves fall down,

Nothing is left, all is waiting to drown.

Nothing more than the warmth of an embrace
I long as I stared at the falling leaves,
Asking, seeking for any sign of grace,
Can there be such a man our grief relieves?

日記第一

2009-10-09T20:55:00.001-07:00

先セメ、僕はジャズ・マランカといっしょにレッドダートチャレンジをやりました。そのイベントはトライアスロンでした。そのチャレンジに三つのうんどうがありました。トライアスロンをやる日、チャレンジで、入るみんなが２マイルはしって、７マイルカヤックをして、３マイルじてんしゃをのらなければなりませんでした。そのイベントのきょうぎの中では、カヤックをするのがいちばん楽しかったと思います。

チャレンジするため、やりたい人が一人のパートナーを見つけなければなりませんでした。僕はそのイベントに入りたいけど、だれも僕のパートナーにならなかったので、レッドダートチャレンジをやれなかった。だけど、そのまえの日、ジャズのパートナーがびょうきになった。ですから、ジャズがチャレンジをまだやりたければ、あたらしいパートナーを見つけなければなりませんでした。そして、僕はジャズがパートナーがほしいって聞いた時、ジャズにそのことをすぐ話しました。

そのあと、僕はジャズのパートナーになりました。チャレンジの日、７時におきて、僕はジャズといっしょに車でバッフォローギャップという町に行きました。チャレンジでじてんしゃにのるため、僕たちも自分のじてんしゃを持って行きました。そのばしょにいくのに、３０分かかりました。それから、イベントのところにつくまえ、僕はそのトライアスロンで力が出るように、僕はジャズに食べ物を食べさせられました。

げんじつに、そのイベントは僕のはじめてのトライアスロンでした。チャレンジにはいるまえ、いつもびょうきになったり、つかれたり、よわくなったりしました。それでも、僕はじつりょくをたしかめたいので、そのイベントをやりたかった。

１０時ぐらいに、チャレンジがはじまりました。僕とジャズがしょしんしゃだったから、どんどん僕たちはいちばんうしろにちかづいてしまいました。だけど、あきらめないで、僕たちはそのレースでさいぜんをつくしました。じてんしゃにのっている時、きゅうなおかでじてんしゃをはやくこいでいたので、僕はじてんしゃからおちてけがをしました。その時に、ジャズが僕のうしろにいたのでどうやって僕がおちたのかを全部しっていました。ジャズによると、じてんしゃからおちる時、はじめに、僕はじてんしゃから上にとびました。ころんだあと､かおとひざをひどくけがしました。本当に、その時がいちばんこわっかたです。おちるまえ、僕は落ちるのがわかったから、神様におもしろく日本語で「神様、たすけてくれ！」とさけびました。その時、ぼくは死ぬと思っていた。でも、僕のかおが土についたあと、ぼくのめがねがこわれないように、神がぼくをたすけてくれました。やっぱり、もし僕のめがねがこわれたら、今日ぼくはもうもくの人になったかもしれない。

それから、ジャズがむりょくな僕をてつだってくれて、きゅうきゅうしゃをよんでくれました。その時、僕の体がいたくなったり、ひざも血が出ていたり、かおがすべて血で覆われていたりしました。しかし、きゅうきゅうしゃがはやく来てくれて、僕はかんしゃしました。きゅうきゅうしゃから出て来た二人のやさしいきゅうきゅうたいいんが、僕をきゅうきゅうしゃにはこびました。中で、かれらが僕をかいふくさせながら、僕といろいろなことをしゃべっていました。一人のきゅうきゅうたいいんはかんたんに僕のきずにほうたいをまきながら、僕とじょうだんを言いあっていました。その人の名前はブッシュだから、はじめに僕に会った時、僕に「わしはアメリカのだいとうりょうです。お会いできてこうえいです。」と言っていました。まだ僕がこんらんしていたので、かれによわく「よろしく。」と言いました。１５分たったあと、かれらは僕のほうたいをまきおわりました。その時、僕がきゅうに元気になって、自分で立つことができて、なおりそうだったから、レースをさいごまでやりとげたかった。でも、きゅうきゅうたいいんたちが僕に「あなたはレースをやめて、やすんだほうがいいです」って言ったけど、まだ僕はチャレンジをやりとげるつもりでした。僕がいためたから、ふつうのじょうきょうでレースをおわるようにきょかしてもらえなかったけど、まだ僕たちはチャレンジをできました。僕はきゅうきゅうたいいんたちに「レースをやりとげたいんです」と言っている時、僕の顔がまじめだったから、かれらが僕にチャレンジをつづけさせてくれたのかもしれない。ジャズも僕をおうえんしてくれたので、レースをやりとげること、がんばってみたかった。それで、ゆっくりじてんしゃにのって、チャレンジができました。チャレンジはむずかしくていたかったけど、僕たちがさいごまでさいぜんをつくしてよかった。
もし一つまなんだことがあるとすれば、それは僕の人生がむずかしくても、僕はあきらめない人ということです。僕は神様といっしょにいることもまなびました。

What Sim Could Have Been Thinking About If He Had to Write Something On the Spot

2009-09-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

I wrote this paper just a while ago. Yet, I can't get around the fact that Simon has impacted me in such a way that I can actually write such an ingenuous prose. So, kudos to Sim, my "cape crusader"!

What is the Gospel?

Imagine being a sidekick of a superhero. Imagine the fame, glory and honor for being able to participate alongside Batman in the action of saving Gotham City. Do halt pondering about the metaphor immediately if you are thinking about the ludicrous red velvety tights Robin wears. Unfortunately, such a figurative manner of portraying the gospel has its limits. Then again, by using this approach, a reasonable, yet fresh, understanding of the gospel can be observed. So, if God is the hero and those who have responded to the gospel are God’s sidekicks, the gospel can then be fully comprehended as an invitation in partaking in the mission of God’s kingdom. Thus, the good news becomes a verb in the present continuous tense, rather than just a product that guarantees salvation if accepted at a certain point in life. Nonetheless, many church-going, Bible-believing Christians are more inclined to take the latter definition of the good news, probably writhing at the thought of becoming God’s Robin. After all, who in the right of mind wants to wear such a tight and humiliating outfit? Anyway, aside from the crude humor, perhaps modern Christians are so indoctrinated with the “product gospel” because the modern church has so codified the gospel in the consumerist language. This obviously also results in the good news of Jesus Christ becoming a doctrine about the “I” pronoun, rather than being about what God has done. After all, do we not hear in church that the good news is about “my” salvation, “my” baptism and “my” Jesus?

Sadly, we have replaced the cover of every Batman comic with that of Robin’s images. Such a thought only brings chills to one’s back, especially if it has to do with Robin’s ridiculous costume. Yet, it is the truth. For what God desires is, through His gospel, a partnership with humanity – He is the hero and we are his sidekick. Nonetheless, the postmodern and post-enlightenment good news has been degraded to the point that God has no place in it anymore. Even if He does have a room in such a gospel, He is still almost always not the focal point of it. Much worse, God acts like a puppet king, whereby we act as his ventriloquist, mouthing words as if they are the actual words of God. For instance, many Christians often have their preconceived ideas about the gospel, and to justify their opinions, they make it seem as if their message is in accordance to the Bible.

Perhaps, we might have jumped a little ahead of what the gospel, in its simplistic form, means. Despite the tying in with the hero-sidekick mythos, the gospel is still about the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Thus, without Jesus, there is no good news. Nevertheless, the gospel is not just about what God has done through Jesus. There is a choice to be made after the gospel is presented. Either one rejects it or one accepts it. There are no maybes here. If one chooses to accept the good news, that person is essentially joining with Christ in His mission of opening the eyes of the blind, of freeing the captives from prison and the releasing of those who sit in the dungeon of darkness.

Of course, this partnership is also hinted at in the wedding feast of the Lamb in Revelation. Here, the church, the bride of Christ, celebrates and participates with her Bridegroom. The wedding feast is not depicted as a Christ-only affair. It is the merry-making with the Church – an act of cooperation. Similarly, when Jesus promises the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, He is talking about the Christian individual working together with God. Thus, the good news of Jesus Christ is not merely about God alone, or humankind alone. It is a beautiful picture of the coming together of the Divine and His people in a oneness – a dance, one might even add – never thought possible. Without one or the other, the good news sounds vain and is no different from the other world religions. In any case, Christ has not left us with that definition. That only brings back the metaphor of Batman and his sidekick, the leader and his assistant swashbuckling through the darkness of Gotham City. It really does make so much sense to picture Christ as Batman and the church as Robin, does it not?

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-09-20T18:36:00.001-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't been really blogging much. I suppose, with the amount of work I do these days, I'm basically much ado about nothing. Ah well, the life on an English major, or otherwise known as a paper-writing machine. Here's my newest addition to my repertoire of essays (sigh):

The Neighbor According to Jesus

Perhaps one of the most illustrious parables of Jesus, the parable of the Good Samaritan is found only within the Gospel of Luke. In the 10^th chapter, beginning with the 25^th verse, Jesus is confronted with a question by an “expert of the Law,” who asks, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Instead of giving the answer, Jesus throws back the question to the lawyer, who in turn answers his own inquiry. Drawing his response from the Torah, or the Law, the expert responds, “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'” Jesus, then, commands the man to do similarly. However, to justify himself, the expert again queries Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” In reaction, Jesus begins to tell the man a parable, the parable we now dub the parable of the Good Samaritan. In his story, Jesus talks about a man, who came from Jerusalem, and is heading to Jericho. On the journey, a band of robbers comes into the scene, beats the traveler up, steals his possessions and leaves him to die. Subsequently, a Jewish priest comes by the same road; sees the injured man, and passes by the other side. Next a religious Levite treads around the place, and does the same as the priest. Finally, a Samaritan turns up, and upon seeing the man, the readers are told that he bandages and cleans the half-dead man, and takes him to an inn to recover. Of course, the Samaritan’s benevolence is further demonstrated as he pays, also, the bills of the wounded person. After finishing with the parable, Jesus again asks the Torah expert, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The lawyer answers, “The one who had mercy on him.” Then, Jesus charges the man to do likewise. (The New International Version, Luke 10.25-37)

From the reading of the passage, it is clear that the Law requires its adherers to love their neighbors, implying that the neighbor is the object of the act of love. However, Jesus’ view of the neighbor does not just encompass the traditional perspective. Rather, he challenges, if not redefines, what a neighbor should be to his listeners. Thus, through the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus includes that a neighbor is not only a person who is in need, but also one who is different from us and simultaneously, us.

Firstly, in the parable, in accordance to the Law, the injured man can definitely fit into a definition of a neighbor. After all, he is the recipient of the mercy dispensed by the Samaritan. This certainly matches with the Random House Dictionary’s definition of the word neighbor, “one’s fellow human being,” as the Samaritan shows mercy to an equal species, the injured traveler. Yet, one may question why Jesus’ parable ends up with the Samaritan as the neighbor instead of the beaten-up traveler. Assuming that Jesus has not misheard the expert’s question, one can either witness Jesus as he detangles a common stereotype, or conclude that he has no shred of intelligence to come up with an adequate answer. However, for the sake of a purposeful evaluation, let us assume the former, and discard the latter (with no hint of regret, lest the reader turns into a pillar of salt). As such, Jesus is not trying to undermine the traditional view of one’s neighbor. On the contrary, he desires instead to unravel the often times clouded, misled and discriminatory perception of who a neighbor can also be.

Since the neighbor is the Samaritan, rather than a Jew, it can be implied that Jesus is hinting that the neighbor can also include a person who is different, perhaps even despised. Of course, Jesus’ tactics in proving his point can be argued against. Obviously, it is only Jesus who can set up such an elaborate trap, which requires the poor lawyer to choose the Samaritan as the only suitable answer to his own question. Even then, the expert fails to utter the word Samaritan, only able to pronounce weakly, “the one who had mercy.” This indirectly reveals his discrimination of the reviled half-Jewish inhabitants of Samaria. From the subtle example, one can unquestionably observe the expert’s intolerance of a person dissimilar from him. Therefore, when Jesus portrays the Samaritan as the neighbor, he is essentially jabbing at the man’s prejudice of someone or something different from him. Furthermore, to compliment his point, Jesus depicts the Samaritan as helping a non-Samaritan – an act of showing love to a stranger. Doing so, Jesus is helping the lawyer to see beyond his discrimination, and recognize that a neighbor too can be the one he hates.

Finally, as Jesus commands the expert of the law to “do likewise,” he is also implying that the man should be a neighbor like the Samaritan. In other words, Jesus means that the neighbor is us, as well. This certainly ties well with another definition of “neighbor” found in the Random House Dictionary, “a person who shows kindliness or helpfulness toward his or her fellow humans.” When the lawyer asks the question about the identity of his neighbor, his intent lies in his desires to hear an answer from Jesus that he can easily digest. Thus, his motivation to is to show that he has done all he can to love such a person. However, instead of addressing the lawyer’s issues of the neighbor’s identity, Jesus points back to him, almost as if accusing him, “Have you yourself been a neighbor to others?” Then, he commands the man to be a neighbor, just like the Samaritan, who shows mercy in the parable. So, in this case, Jesus desires that we should be neighbors to others.

Thus, it is irrefutable that, according to Jesus, a definition of a neighbor transcends stereotypical beliefs and personal prejudices. On the wide spectrum, Jesus offers his view of a neighbor, that he is not only a person we are able to love, but also includes our enemy, while at the same time being ourselves. Apparently, the conclusion of who should be our neighbor ends up differently from what is expected. Such a feat is nothing less from Jesus, who is intentional in not mouthing out clichés. On the contrary, the Lion of Judah is aggressively out to take captive a people to make into critical thinkers.

When It Was All Over

2009-09-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

When it was over and they could talk about it
She said there's just one thing I have got to know
What in that moment when you were running so hard and fast
Made you stop and turn for home
He said I always knew you loved me even though I'd broken your heart
I always knew there'd be a place for me to make a brand new start

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us

- From: Sara Groves, Add to Beauty

A Structuralist's Critique of Optimus "Past-His" Prime

2009-09-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

The city in smokes, ruined, with all hope sapped out. The scene, gleaming in hues of brown, red and black amidst the gray-covered sky, paints a picture of despair. In the midst of the destruction, the coup de grâce that will ultimately squeeze all remaining expectation of deliverance is issued: “Constructicons merge for the kill!” Six identifiable robots subsequently emerged, and combines into the monster robot, Devastator. The behemoth, then, approaches the last remaining fortress of the Autobots, the “good guys.” Announcing, “Prepare for the extermination,” in a gruff voice, Devastator begins his destruction – slamming and breaking the city into rubble. Nothing seems as bleak as this opening scene in the 1986 animated movie, The Transformers: the Movie. Yet, just as everything appears as if the Decepticons, the “bad guys,” are winning, a spacecraft descends from out of the blue sky, as if signifying hope. A grand red-colored robot, then, descends into the war-torn city. Transforming into the celebrated red industrial truck, the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime exclaims, “Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost.” Coupled with the heroism, the background song The Touch raises a banner of glory, declaring aloud, “You got the touch! You got the power!” Cutting through the enemy line without much of an effort, Prime easily immobilizes his enemies. Drums rolling, he finally faces off, one-on-one, with his arch nemesis, Megatron, the merciless leader of the Decepticons. A fight ensues, where both robots are shown to be equals in strength, power and determination. Nonetheless, Megatron is soundly defeated. With his gun pointing at Megatron, who is begging mercy from Prime, Prime replies half-mockingly, “You who have showed no mercy now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner steel!” Unknowingly to Prime, Megatron is actually trying to inch his way to a gun stashed under a pile of wreckage. Before the villain grasps the gun, a newbie Autobot rookie tries to jump in to stop him, only to become a hostage. Unable to fire at Megatron, Prime is shot at numerous times, sending him to his knees. To top it off, the antagonist nears the hero, tossing aside his hostage, and sneers, “I could have waited for an eternity for this, and it’s now over Prime.” With the last of his strength, Prime swings unexpectedly at the weakened Megatron, responding to the Decepticon, “Never!” Falling down to the bottom from where he fought with Prime, Megatron, now looking like scrap metal, is cowardly collected by the fleeing Decepticons. Though the Decepticons are defeated, the loss of the Autobots is tremendous. This is especially so when Prime dies in the movie, a sign of a true veteran hero.

According to the Merriam Webster Online dictionary, a hero is defined as a legendary male warrior endowed with “great strength or ability,” renowned for his “achievements and noble qualities.” Though helpful, a dictionary’s definition of a hero is, tragically, redundant, especially in today’s day and age where action movies pass here and by. Therefore, it is no longer surprising that a common layman with no surplus training in English can just as easily characterize what an action hero is without a dictionary. From action films such as Diehard, Spiderman, Indiana Jones and etc., it is apparent that the main protagonist is nearly almost represented as possessing an almost god-like strength, and then goes through a series of hurdles, of which he will, in the end, overcome. Of course, the most important trait of an action hero is that he is revered. Thus, it is clear that the animated movie’s Optimus Prime, portrayed as a self-sacrificing, courageous and fearless leader, with no hint of dim-wittedness or casual humor, is the action hero of the movie.

However, in 2007, movie director, Michael Bay released his live-action Transformers film. Instead of sticking to the character canon of Optimus Prime, Bay reinvents the robot. His reimagining of Prime is not only limited to the welcomed redesign of the overall machine’s appearance, but also in the subtle changes of his personality in the blockbuster. Unfortunately, the director should have kept his hands off from an attempt to renew the hero’s character. Instead of making Prime epic in the movie, to the chagrin of loyal fanatics, Bay’s version of the robot appears weak, bumbling, and ultimately not the hero of the motion picture.

Although Prime looks astounding in the recent film, his character is, unfortunately, incompetent. In the almost anti-climatic final battle scene, Prime is pitted against Megatron to a death match. Again and again, Prime succumbs into Megatron’s endless attacks, unable to hold his ground. Perhaps the director desires to show the audience just how desperate the war against the Decepticons is. Possibly still, Bay wants to highlight the terror of Megatron as the ultimate villain – after all, the Devil needs to have enough power to challenge God. So, in order to artificially convey his story, the director attributes much strength to Megatron – maybe a tad too much. Furthermore, he does it at the expense of Prime’s chief characteristic: his ability to triumph against evil. A real Prime is one that can square off against his arch-nemesis, even if the battle can be long drawn, and still emerges as the victor. Thus, there is no evidence that the recent film’s Autobot leader is a genuine Prime, much less the hero. To further tarnish the Prime’s role, the one who actually deactivates Megatron, towards the end, is none other than the excruciatingly insignificant human character, Sam Witwicky.

Secondly, Prime in Bay’s film is, sadly, shown to be a clumsy leader (if one could even call him that). After arriving from space, Prime is taken to Witwicky’s home, where he and his equally blundering allies are inevitably depicted as trashing the outdoor garden into ruins. Apologizing to Witwicky, another uncharacteristic quality the movie’s Prime suffers from, the head of the Autobots cries, “My bad.” Talk about appalling lines! What more, such a script reserved for the legendary Prime! It is as if the live-action Prime is devoid of his once lavish, yet valiant, dialogues. Such a line only serves to erode what little admiration the audiences have left for Prime. What a terrible injustice committed against the series’ fans as they watched writhingly their childhood hero suddenly appear in the limelight with a sort of amnesia.

Finally, Prime in this recent film is not even the hero of his own show. To further add insult to injury, the Autobot leader in the film needs to depend on Witwicky, to vanquish the nemesis. Moreover, sounding even more absurd, the teenager pronounces death by simply inserting a piece of metal, the Allspark, into the chest of the enemy. Such a conclusion suggests as if all the damages that Prime has sustained in battling Megatron are in vain. Why did Prime even bother risking his life to defend the humans when it just takes a skinny adolescent to easily end the war? Going along this line, one can also conclude that the movie should rather be titled “Sam Witwicky” rather than “Transformers.” In fact, Prime in the movie can even be renamed as Optimus Past-His-Prime. If Witwicky is the main hero, the appearances of the Prime, even the Autobots, has unexpectedly become superfluous, unnecessary and, like a death blow, irrelevant.

Regrettably, the character, Optimus Prime is not properly represented as an action hero in Bay’s theatrical adaptation of the Transformers. Instead of being the ultimate victor, the brave leader and the hero of the film, Prime is reduced into nothing more than just a stage prop sarcastically labeled as “Optimus Prime,” debilitated and castrated. Will there be a day when the Hero will rise from the ashes?

A Plea for a Friend

2009-09-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

O Gracious Father, You who hear our prayers,
Listen to our pleas for Hebe, Dear Lord,
God, heal her, free her from the devil's snares,
Lead her, guide her, show her Your grace is poured
For her, Your Son Jesus her burden bears.

Though broken she lies, you will wipe her tears,
For death has been defeated. Peace you give,
As not the world gives, that vain not the jeers
You suffered, sin still smothers us captive.

Yet, Jesus rose from death, our cries He hears.

Lord, come, as this prayer falls on Your ears,
O Holy Ghost who groans inaudibly
Will you quell not, Your child, Hebe from fears?
We trust You are with her no less subtly,
As one we resound our "Amens" and cheers.

A Dedication toTrue Friends

2009-08-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

A toast to Simon and Ken!

What I Thought I Wanted

Tuxedo in the closet, gold band in a box
Two days from the altar she went and called the whole thing off
What he thought he wanted, what he got instead
Leaves him broken and grateful

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that’s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted

Staring in the water like Esops foolish dog
I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

I’m broken and grateful
I want to be broken and grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful

(Sara Groves, The Other Side of Something, 2004)

Mass-Produced Mission Trip Summary

2009-08-13T15:45:00.001-07:00

“It’s not about me,” a declaration neatly written on Steve’s T-shirt, is what I can say about our 1 month-long internship with the Urban Ministry. Just as much as going there is a story of our planning, agreements and disagreements, what we have learned there, and of the impact we have had on the kids, I believe it is equally, if not completely, God’s story spoken, written and impressed through the three of us: Elena Kua Soo Li, Josephine Wong Chung Wai, and See Huang Lim.

I came to Minnesota for a Spring Break Campaign last March organized by ACU, the university I study in. What I thought to be something menial became my salvation – the theory of Jesus’ redemption on the cross made real. Coming from a difficult life in Malaysia, having to suffer for being a Christian and growing up in a broken family, I questioned God and my faith. There in Minnesota, what I considered to be a bane is redeemed. My pains, struggles, and sufferings are known by God and are used by Him to illustrate His faithfulness.

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” John 15:16

Just what are the chances of an ordinary guy from Malaysia who has gone through what he has gone through coming to Minnesota to share his testimony to a group of fellow South East Asians who have gone and are going through similar situations? Now, I no longer look back to the past and feel depressed anymore. I know indeed that I have been redeemed, and that my past is no longer something I hide, but it is transformed into a precious treasure I now use to declare God’s grace.

Indeed, God’s grace is infectious. Back in ACU, God has already set within my heart to serve the Hmong again (1 week in St. Paul is never enough). Slowly, as I shared with my friends about how God has worked in my life, God began to draw them to desire serving alongside me with the Urban Ministry. The very first who expressed this desire is none other than the girl whom I courted some 5 months ago, Soo Li. Recently recommitting her life again to God, Soo Li’s desired to serve the ministry in order to challenge her lapse faith.

The other is Josephine, whom I consider my “Ka Cheh,” or Big Sis in Cantonese. Looking for an internship that will fulfill her social work degree’s internship requirements, Jo, as I affectionately call her, became interested with the work done through the ministry. However, Jo could not confirm with us whether she could join us as she needed the green light from her professors. It took her a few months before her professors actually approved her desire to fulfill her internship requirements through serving with the Urban Ministry. Getting her professors to agree proved hard and required a lot of prayers.

Nonetheless, everything did not fall into place at first. We did not know about every minute detail of how to get things done in order for us to serve there. The list of worries is insurmountable: transport, funds, Jo, etc. Yet, looking back now, I can testify that God gave us the wisdom to take one thing at the time, providing for us throughout our planning period.

Indeed, when we raised our funds for this internship by cooking, we only hoped to receive about $200-300. Try to guess how much we funds we raised in the end? We got in total more than $700 each time we fundraised.

So, God provided us the funds. Now, we had to decide our mode of transportation. I suggested to Soo Li that we should go there by car. Both of us do not own a car, and how in the world are we able to find one in time for the internship? Lo and behold, Soo Li’s out-of-the-country roommate, Miriam, agreed to lend us her car for the internship.

What about Jo? As I have mentioned, we prayed a lot for her. At first, we received nothing but bad news from her professors. About a few weeks before leaving for Minnesota, while Soo Li and I are still in Malaysia, Jo confirmed with us that her professors finally agreed to allow her to come with us.

The last worry we had dealt with the car insurance. Trust me; we went all over in search for an insurance company which will insure our car. None. We wanted to just quit and look up to the internet for cheap flight tickets. And then a friend recommended us to try State Farm. So, we decided to just try out State Farm, and we went there. Just as we are on way, a lady from the company suddenly called us to inform us that she wants us to come by her office. We are just on the way to her office, we told her. Sure enough, State Farm is a godsend, the only company willing to insure our car. Before we left, the lady introduced us to her colleague, a Korean American. Interestingly, when we told her we are going up north to serve the Hmong, she blurted out that she is married to a Laotian, suggesting that her husband is Hmong. What a coincidence!

Truth be told, everything came into place by God’s grace. God chose the three of us, as He knew fit. And sure enough, all three of us had a role to play, evidently enough as we drove up to Minnesota. Both Soo Li and I are the drivers, while Jo played her part as the navigator. Being inexperienced drivers ourselves, we thank God that He provided us Jo to be our navigator. Sure enough, Jo is at her best as our navigator, helping us to drive without getting too lost on the way. While either one of us drive, the other driver takes a nap. Doing this allowed us to be alert, especially, both of us have never driver so far before, not to mention on the wrong side of the road (in Asia, we drive on the right side of the road). Without each other, I doubt that we could even get to Minnesota in one piece. So, it is really God’s providence that we actually arrived at Steve’s place at the midnight of the 9^th of last month.

Of course, our first week in St. Paul is basically just an exposure to what is done there. Soon, we are by ourselves, organizing activities and planning things to do with the kids. Despite our planning, I again learned that the things that will be done through are nothing than a bigger, grander and more elaborate plan of God. Of course, as I said before, all of us had our role to play. We saw how God used all three of us and all our different gifts to glorify Him.

Being the planner and teacher (as well as the treasurer) Soo Li helped direct the three of us, especially when it came to Thursday’s Kids Connection. She always made sure that there are fun games to play with the kids during the class with them. Jo, on the other hand, is adept at not just hospitality (cooking and the likes), but also in playing and talking with the kids. Jo is constantly reaching out to the kids, and trying to be their friend. Certainly, her big sister qualities benefitted her in this area. Of course, this is one of the few handfuls of things that Soo Li and Jo had done over there in Minnesota. The extent of what God has done through them is undeniable immense, of which you have to ask them to know.

As for me, I cooked some for the kids too and my kimchi-making skills made it possible to draw closer to some of the kids, like Shernia, who loves anything Korean. Yes, the three of us cook very often for the kids. During one of the devotional nights, we made Malaysian curry and rice for the kids. We could literally see the faces of the kids shinning, as if glittering as they take their respective plateful of curry rice. Furthermore, learning how to swim some two years ago had enabled me to get closer to some of the boys, as I taught them to how swim.

Indeed, God carefully chose each one of us – each with different personalities, talents and gifts – to reach out to the Hmong there. God has also constantly demonstrated that He is the chief planner in all of our plans. For instance, when we wanted to reach out to one of the girls, Mani, God instead brought us closer to Mani’s Mom and her brothers, of whom I exorcised from them the fear of water.

Even in camp, God showed Himself to meticulously place events in a way that will glorify Him. This is evident when both Soo Li and I went to the cafeteria for dinner and a girl called Fanny all of a sudden approached us, and talked to us. We did not know her, but she just started talking to us. After a while, I saw the Chinese character for love, ‘Ai,’ written on the back of her hand. Knowing the character, I instantly instructed her to fetch a piece of paper, of which I will later use to teach her the way of writing the character. It takes 13 strokes to write the character ‘Ai,’ I told her. After showing her how to write the character, I told her to get a Bible. Turn to 1^st Corinthians 13, I asked Fanny. I told her to read it. 1^st Corinthians 13 and 13 strokes to write the character ‘Ai’. I cannot describe to you how she looked that evening.

Later, she began telling me of her difficulty growing up, and of making wrong decisions in life. She told me that she wanted to know God, but gave me the excuse that “I can’t know Him when I hardly even know myself”. She even told me that God had been following her all the time, and she could feel His presence. Yet, with a yes comes a no, when she again gave me another excuse, “the Bible is just too hard to understand”. Without restrain, the Holy Spirit is already at work at that moment. At that moment, as if possessed, I sat down with her, looking straight at her in a serious manner, and told her, “You understood 1^st Corinthians 13, didn’t you?” She said yes, which only proved my point that the Bible can be understood if she would just choose to not listen to the lie that it is too metaphorical. Then, I told her my testimony, telling her that I came from a hard life, all of which necessary, all of which brought me to Minnesota, all of which if did not happen, would render the conversation with her impossible, and all of which happened in order for God to tell her that He is with her.

“Fanny,” I told her, “this conversation is not coincidence. As God has chased after you then, He is doing so NOW. If you want to know yourself, get to know God, as He knows you more than you know yourself. Think about what I’ve said. Remember that He loves you.”

By the time I am done, her eyes became slightly watery, and she walked away, without first giving me a hug. I do not know if she will become a Christian, but I do hope that she will remember that God is faithful, even in her unfaithfulness.

That night, another incident happened. This time, it is not good news. Judy, a Hmong girl with her three-year-old son Noah who is living with Shawna’s (Shawna is one of the urban ministers) parents in Texas, has gotten herself in trouble, the very same kind of problem that got her pregnant in the first place. What is worse is that in doing so, Judy had also neglected Noah. Obviously, Shawna became very saddened that night, and we prayed a lot for Judy that night. The next day, I decided to fast for Judy, and this is the first time I had ever fasted my entire life. With the faith the size smaller than that of a mustard seed, I fasted for Judy. The following day, God answered our prayers. A miracle happened. Judy called up Shawna’s parents and apologized. According to Shawna, Judy had never done that before, and doing so showed God at work.

Of course, God had also taught us a lot through the experience serving with the Urban Ministry. Apart from learning how to fish, I had opportunity to allow God to change my fear of children to love. Before this, I used to dislike children. Now, I cannot help feeling slightly depressed that I would not be able to see Tommy and Johnny, two of the kids that I have grown to love and cherish, for a while. Even Soo Li mentioned that I have changed in this area. While hiking, she told me that she found it heartwarming to see Mani’s brother, Ger, grasping my larger hand as we hiked together. Yes, Ger and Tou, Mani’s brothers have their place in my heart. Gosh, I feel like sobbing in the middle of the library now, thinking of little Ger hugging me so tightly after I told him I’ll be going back to Texas. Ah, the times I’d carry them around, chasing after them, and swinging them around… These are memories worth remembering.

God also used my relationship with Soo Li to His glory in this internship. One of the things we have learned ourselves from this relationship is that if we chose to honor God through this relationship, we can enjoy the relationship more than we can ever think about. Before Soo Li and I started our courtship, we agreed that we wanted to honor God through our relationship, that we wanted to be pure, and that we wanted to treat each other with the honor that we each deserve. We even prayed before starting our courtship. We started the relationship not with the motive to gratify our sexual needs, but with the serious intention of seeking God’s will for us, the possibility of marriage. With this in mind, we started our relationship, to seek God first and to grow in our friendship and commitment, and to slowly grow our romance. We also told each other that the relationship would naturally be hard, as we are different in personality and character. However, we agreed that we want to forgive one another just as Christ had forgiven us. Although our relationship has been has been hard the first few months, we saw just how real the forgiveness that Christ teaches about. At one time, we fought so badly that we did not talk to each other for the whole day. Yet, God brought me back to what we agreed the night we started our courtship: to forgive each other just as Christ had forgiven us. I went to Soo Li, and without bringing up the issue, I apologized. Since then, we have grown in our friendship and faith.

In relation to our internship, I believe God had selected both Soo Li and I specifically. Before we left, we wanted to spend time with two of the girls we are fond of, Mani and Bai. Of course, Mani, being the absent minded one had forgotten about our trip to the Mall of America. Yet, because she did not come, we are able to talk to Bai about the issue of dating. Of course, this again happened because God had been directing us from the very beginning. Without even bringing up her relationship with Sen, her boyfriend, we told Bai casually about our relationship. After sharing with her about our relationship, she told us about some of the things she isn’t proud of in her relationship with Sen. With God’s direction, we are able to talk with her about some of her “problems” and only gave her advice when she had asked for it. After the talk, she requested for us to pray for us. This conversation, again, would not have been possible without God.

Before leaving Minnesota, the three of us agreed to meet Judy on the way back to Abilene. So, we stopped by in Lubbock, Texas, just to see Judy. Meeting Shawna’s parents, they told us that Judy missed Hmong food. Almost like coincidence, the food she missed most is pho (pronounced fuh), beef noodle soup, which happened to be one of the few food I know how to make, after learning from Tommy and Johnny’s grandmother, Chue. So, we went around to get the ingredients for pho that afternoon, and in the evening, I taught Judy how to make pho, while Soo Li wrote down the recipe for her. That night, Judy downed her pho, and looked at the three of us happily, as if conveying a thank you without words. Trust me, Judy would not been so if I did not know how to make pho, and again, I attribute this “coincidence” to God.

Now that we are back in Abilene writing this, I am amazed at what God had done through us, and I hope all of you will also be amazed at the awesomeness of God. Things could have turned out very differently, but, now I can see that it is indeed God’s will for us to go to St. Paul in the first place. Each of us played a role, none more important than the other. Our past, our gifts, our relationships – all these, God has used to bring others closer to Him. God has indeed chosen the three of us very carefully, and sent us there to serve the Hmong we have come to love. This is the story of God sending three Asian ACU students to serve alongside a group of fellow Asians in St. Paul, Minnesota. Praise the Lord!

See Huang

PS: Although God has done so much in our lives through this internship, it became possible only after we had allowed God to use us. If I did not go for the Spring Break Campaign last March, I would not be writing this right now. So, God expects to do our part, to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

Made it!

2009-07-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

We've made it. After a two-day long car drive, we've finally made it. Thank you, Lord! At about midnight, we arrived at the Countryman's house. Yes, I can't believe it! We're in Minnesota.

However, the journey here was long and arduous. We started all the way from Abilene on the 8th. We were supposed to leave around 9 am, but in the end, we left closer to 1 pm later in the afternoon, and it was unbearably hot by then. Thank goodness we covered our Oldsmobile 98 so carefully with every kind of sun shades we could find in Wal-Mart. If we did not do so, we would have been burned to a crisp.

After saying our elongated goodbyes to Jo's sister, Stephanie, we drove off to the uncharted territories of Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Iowa and Minnesota.

First in the list was Oklahoma, the Native American State. Just bordering Texas to the north, we crossed into Oklahoma through the bordering Texas city of Wichita Falls. Not so different from Texas as I thought it would be... Like Texas, the immediate fields we passed through from Texas were filled with those horrendously ugly brownish spiky weeds. Even after we stopped at a Wal-Mart after some 3 hours of driving, we noticed that the air still smells the same, with the frequent hot gust of wind brushing through our hair like a natural hair dryer. Feeling quite exhausted, I decided to rest and allow Soo Li to take over the driving.

After some 3 hours later, we arrived in Oklahoma City, the capital of Oklahoma. It was already 6 pm ish by then, and all we wanted to do was to rest and eat some. So, we used our convenient little GPS machine to find the directions to an Asian restaurant to stop by. With a little difficulty, we finally decided to eat at a Vietnamese restaurant, called Pho Cuong. I thought the food was quite tasty, but apparently, Soo Li and Jo thought it was just OK. Well, can't blame them for being honest. After all, I needed to save face for choosing this restaurant.

We continued our journey after dinner. With a stomach too stuffed with beef noodles, I immediately was knocked out into slumberland, only to be woken up violently after an hour or so, when Soo Li became too tired to drive. Too groggy to put up any argument, I relented. So, the next 2 or so hours, I drove all the way to Kansas into the border city of Wichita (not to be confused with Wichita Falls).

At about 10.30 pm, we reached an inn at Wichita. We were so thankful that we finished our first day of driving. After all, the last 2 hours of driving up to Kansas was rather dangerous, the roads being almost completely dark, not to mention it thundering and drizzling by the time I took over the driving.

The next morning, we left at about 10 am, after eating a hearty breakfast. The next 3 hours were pleasant. The scenery had changed by the time we reached Kansas. It was, without doubt, GREEN. Soft, almost hair-like, rolling grass covered the meadows that was spread across the land. Just gorgeous.

However, by the next hour or so after crossing from Kansas into Missouri, things began to become dull (well, at least to me). The so-called "Show Me State," was not too beautiful, as I thought it should be. Well, maybe downtown Kansas City was alright... but the rest is pretty dull.

There, we struggled in our search for a decent eatery. Using our convenient, yet old and outdated GPS tracker, we tried in vain as we searched for an authentic Asian restaurant to rest and eat. After a whole hour running through the list, and finding no hope (all the restaurants went to were those Americanized buffet eateries), we settled with Hwang's. I picked this restaurant up because it bore part of my name. Although it was the usual run-of-the-mill American Chinese restaurant, the owners were extremely nice to us. We were the only Chinese they've seen for the last who knows when (and also the only customers they've got at that time), and so they were very happy to welcome us. Of course, their hospitality also came from their joy in serving the Lord, as they later revealed to us that they were Christians even before they left Taiwan for American some 35 years ago. The food was decent, and although Americanized, what we've ordered truly showed that the owners, a bubbly husband-and-wife team, really care about the quality of their food.

Having had a full stomach, we left for Iowa, where after some 3 hours of driving, we stopped by Des Moines for dinner. This place, Kwang Tung, was totally devoid of the "joy of the LORD". The waiter served us so unpassionately and so robotic, that one would mistake him for Frankenstein. The food was also barely passable. Well, can't complain here. Whatever God gave us, we humbly accept it from Him.

Later, we left for St. Paul. It was already night, and yes, it was dark. We had to drive for some 4 hours before reaching our destination. I drove the first two hours, before Soo Li took over from me. We reached Steve's house at about 12.30 am, and too tired to have any conversation, we just slept as soon as we got there.

Now that we are here, please thank God for us! It was an incredible journey up here, and it would not have been possible without the Lord, especially during the last leg of the race where it was not only dark, but also raining heavily. Praise the Lord that we've made it safe and sound.

Road Trip

2009-07-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

Just as we reached Abilene, we're off once again to explore uncharted waters. And by God's grace, we were able to get our car insurance on time, too! So, please pray for us as we take a long, long drive off to Minnesota.

Time for a nap... zzz

2009-06-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

If you know me well enough, you'd probably know that I act like a Duracell-powered bunny. Well, I'm quite a sociable person (my need for being around people is almost obsessive... I get paranoid when you place me in a sterile room, asking me to be quite for a period of time). As such, I fill most of my time with people. This week has been nothing but PEOPLE. Seriously. When you're put in a situation whereby you realize you've only got a week left in your country, before going away for a whole year abroad, what would you have done? Wouldn't you want to spend bulk of the time with the people you love, the people you'd probably won't see in another few years, and, least I forget, your bestest best chums?

So from Monday through Thursday, I have been dictated by my people-oriented schedule. DIED. Come Friday, I felt like a cicak kering, squashed in between the spaces of a closed door. God save(d) me. Thank goodness the CG got canceled today. But wait... Things did not seem right. After a weeklong of living in the speed of a-tad-bit-slower-than-light, breaking so suddenly sent me lunging forward in discontent and, I'm afraid, paranoia (go away from me, you bearded old man! Don't poke my eyes out with your cane!). In desperation, I walked into my car, locked the doors, and then prayed. Uh, well, to be honest, I didn't really prayed, but merely thought out a conversation with God. Yeah, yeah, that's what I did. But, as I stopped altogether thinking and feeling, I began to start slouching deeper into the car seat. By the time I knew it, I had already lowered the car seat, and fell into a slumber.

I woke up an hour later feeling so refreshed. Perhaps, without even uttering a single word, God probably knew what I needed most: some time alone and, of course, a good nap. ~~No wonder some people who are stressed with lots of stuffs choose to pray, hoping that they might be so tired to talk to God that they just drop down fast asleep.~~ I remembered some wise words from Kah Wan. According to him, it's a discipline to rest just as much as it is a discipline in doing work. No wonder God established the Sabbath. So rest up! Time for bedtime.

Pre-programmed Ungratefulness

2009-06-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

Before I decided to come back to Malaysia, I prayed hard for a place to live in. Now, it seems that my answered prayers sound almost like a cosmic joke. I've been over more than 5 different houses, taking turns doing the oh-you're-back-for-the-summer "house-keeping" chore for the residents of those houses. Well, at least I've been rewarded with some privileges, such as driving a pastor's car and playing Street Fighter IV on a 50" TV till the ungodly hours of the night (owh, wasn't it already the morning that we finished playing Gears of War 2?).

Yet, I could still find it hard to wake up in the morning, and go like, "I don't want to wake up". There's just an abundance of things I could potentially thank God for, but I guess, the feeling of what's-the-point-of-it-all wins us over most of the time. And worse of all, we probably had gone through this several times already, only to again fall back into the same ditch.

Thank God that He knows our inherent disease. I actually woke up this morning in that appalling state, and usually, whenever I get into such a condition, I'd go into this automatic response: sulk, get depressed, avoid people, and run away, as far as possible, from God. Was about to leave my bedroom to live out the rituals of life before I decided to fall down on my knees, and tell God, "Lord, I need you". I was glad that I did so. I would normally just skip the part about going to God, but, somehow, today, by God's grace, I was pulled out of my pre-programmed stiff-neck attitude. I could have lived the day with a dark cloud hovering over me, thundering guilt with no hope of forgiveness for nudging off God because of my bad mood.... But, a quick, and right response rewarded me with so much joy that even my dear Soo Li could not help but to feel infected with it.

I mean, after all, we have a God, of whom we can go to during all seasons of our lives. Just look at the Psalms. They are full of raw emotions, even of anger and rage. We often chide away our feelings and opt for a clean, professional way of approaching God. We'd often make the biggest error by only going to God when we feel peppy and smiling widely. When all hell breaks loose, we do our best to run away from His presence. Well, going to God in times when we're emo will not necessarily make us less emo, but it helps put things in perspective. One, it reminds us that we're not in control. Secondly, it also helps us to remember what God had done for us in the past, besides the giving of His Son. And I believe this was how God removed my chains and burdens this morning.

So, instead of going to God as a last resort, go to Him NOW. We have too awesome a God that we should bow down to our fears and anxieties.

Uncle See Huang

2009-06-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

In Malaysia, we fondly address our friend's parents and other respectable senior persons as either uncles and aunties, even though we may not be necessarily related to them. This Sunday, a certain little girl has broken history... Thus, I was called "Uncle See Huang". Is this supposed to be a foreshadowing of my eminent, if not inevitable "unclehood"? At such a raw age of 21. Gosh.

Unecessary, but Obligated Update

2009-05-23T23:07:00.000-07:00

Well, after having to suffer yet another semester of school, I feel reluctant, if not lazy, at least grumpy to write anything out of this tiny little head of mine. However, now that I've somewhat regained my life (yes, I'm back for the Summer, and no, I don't have swine flu), I should write something, no? OK, for updates, I'm done with my third semester in Abilene, and back for 1.5 months before going back for my internship in Minnesota. And for a bigger news, I'm currently dating a certain girl I met in Abilene, who's actually a Kelana Jaya local -- Ms. Elena Kua. Yup, that's what's going on. Signing out and back to sleep!

ドイツから来た友達

2009-05-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

先セメ、一人本当のドイツ人友達に会った。はじめに、あの人が静か見たいな人から、僕は彼女が英語で話せないと思います。もちろ、彼女が英語でしゃべれるよ！八ヶ月だけ彼女を知るのに、彼女が僕の妹になた。だったら、今主彼女がドイツに帰るときに、悲しくなりちゃいます。はい、彼女が帰ってから、永遠にアビリンに帰るかもしれない。僕の背が高い妹、どうして帰らなきゃいけないの？あなたと食べ損なうよ！レナちゃん、ドイツでお大事に根！あなたに会えてうれしかった。

Hope to see you again, ne!

From Subang Jaya to St. Paul Minnesota

2009-03-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

OK, since y'all insist, I will share with all of you what I did over my spring break in Minnesota. Well, it's nothing much, really. Actually, I'm just a little lazy to write, so I'll just cut and paste the letter I wrote to SJGC a while back. Yeah, sorry for the terrible grammar. Didn't have the time to revise it (so much for an English major, yeah?). Anyway, do take delight in the photos I've uploaded.

Dear SJGC,

Thank you for all the support given to make the mission trip to St. Paul, Minnesota successful. I came back from Minnesota a week ago, only to suffer from a bout of food poisoning after a seemingly normal breakfast in McDonald’s. The diarrhea and vomiting persisted for a week, and rendered me unable to attend school for that whole week. Thankfully, I have now recovered, and I pray that it is not too late to share with you all what had transpired over my spring break in St. Paul, Minnesota.

The Ride

My Team

Well, we started off from Abilene on the 7^th, crisscrossed through Oklahoma, Missouri, and finally through Ohio before reaching Minnesota, up north. Our group, consisted of 14 of us (one of whom could not make it due to family circumstances) journeyed in two separate vans. We began our trip there during the evening, before dark. The scenery changed as we cut through to the north, from arid and barren Texas to lush fir tree-covered wintery Minnesota. Overall, although we got a lost a few times on the highway, we still managed to reach the church, called Woodbury Church of Christ, relatively early. In fact, we reached our destination some 3 hours ahead of time, which provided us extra time to play with the snow after arriving in the church.

Debriefing

At about 2 pm on the 8^th of March, we got out of our van into the wilderness of Minnesota. Heading to the church building, which looked more like a gigantic wooden hut, we snuggled together before dispersing upon entering the church. We sat down in the guest commons, and waited for further directions. After a while, Steve Countryman, the leader of the St. Paul Urban ministry, the ministry our team is working with, came up front to introduce himself, as well as to elaborate on the mission of the ministry and the purpose of us coming all the way from Abilene.

The ministry, according to Steve started a few years ago, after he returned with his wife, Tina, and their kids from a mission stint in Thailand. They have been working with the Hmong community, mostly with the youths, through the church for a while now. The ministry started initially through the efforts in inviting troubled Hmong youths to the church, with the intention of helping them through counseling. Now, the ministry has gathered a group of 30-40 or so Hmong youths, many of whom became committed Christians. From what Steve had said, it is very clear that God is working through this ministry. Many of these kids could have ended up like many other Hmong kids – out on the streets, either doing drugs or involved in a gang – but thanks to God through the work of this ministry, many of the kids have changed.

Also, many of the Hmong cultural practices are not only unbeneficial to the Hmong in America, but it works to their detriment. For instance, when there is a funeral, a family would cook for the rest of the relatives for a span of a month. Many of the Hmong in the US are not rich, many of whom are actually very poor. Yet, because of their culture, they will sell their possessions, and many of the times, even go to loan sharks to find the funds to cook for that period of mourning for the deceased. One of the Hmong girls, Mary-Lee, is fortunate that her family did not resort to go to the loan sharks. Thanks to the ministry, some funds are raised to help her family. The ministry’s mission is not to change or criticize the Hmong’s culture, but first and foremost, to provide them with the help they need.

Apart from that, the ministry also helps train these young Asian Christians to live their Christian life without compromising their culture. The age of the kids involved in this ministry range from 10 years old to 24 years of age. While these kids are Christians, many Hmong people in the US still believe that Christianity is for the white people. As such, it is not only hard for the Hmong to become Christians, but it is also hard for Hmong Christians to integrate into the Hmong community. This is so as the majority non-Christian Hmongs will criticize them as forsaking their culture. Most of the time, the Christian Hmong could also be subjected to exclusion from the society, and sometimes even be persecuted (i.e. physical beatings and violence). I guess this is not such an uncommon occurrence for us Malaysian Christians to hear. Yet, this is the reality for many of our Hmong brothers and sisters here, even though far away from Asia. Imagine still what some, if not many of the Urban Ministry kids have to endure just to tell their parents their decision to follow Christ.

After hearing the one hour long introduction of the Urban Ministry, Steve then introduced us to a few of the youth leaders of the ministry. We left the church soon after to our respective host families. For the 5 of us boys, we left for the William’s. The cool thing about staying over the William’s is the fact that we will be sleeping each night for that entire weekday in Wisconsin, a little about 15-20 minutes away from Woodbury church.

The little things we did…

Basically, we gathered together each morning of that week in the Countrymans’ house to have a one-and-a-half hour long devotional. The devo, as we call it, did not only help break the ice for our group, but it had also instilled within us dependence on God. After the devo, we were broken up into several groups, consisting of 2-3 persons each, which then would do the assigned day tasks (cleaning the church, planning activities with the kids, cook, etc.).Each day had different tasks.

The 9^th

Lunch in the Hmong market. Joni, another Malaysian, and I.

On the Monday, the 9^th, we all sat together to plan for a game night with the kids. The purpose of the game night is chiefly for breaking the ice. This is the night where we would be officially introduced to the kids. Fairly so, during the evening itself, over 25 teenagers introduced themselves to us. Thankfully, Hmong names are easy to remember as they are single syllabic name. I think even if one could not remember one of the children’s names, one could randomly utter a single syllabic sound, and still might hit the jackpot.

The 10^th

The 10^th, on the other hand, we went in a group of three, to some of the kids’ houses. We did not go their houses per se, but just outside of their houses, where we heard their stories from the ministry leaders, then prayed for them individually. Some of these stories are very sad. In fact, Tina Countryman, Steve’s wife, who drove my group, confessed that the ministry has been struggling a lot. While there has been good news, the ministry has had to deal with some of the kids who had altogether abandoned the faith due to family pressure. In the long run these children have not only shipwrecked their budding faith, but also their lives – subjecting themselves to the very things that they have been redeemed from. It is indeed very sad to hear that some have gone into drugs, and then some into ungodly relationships, while some into other vices that I do not even want to mention. And so, we prayed for them that day.

The 11^th

Although I didn't mention, we helped Chew, a senior Hmong Christian, to make some spring rolls

We also helped out an organization called "Feed My Starving Children"

On the 11^th, we cleaned up the Countrymans’ house in order to set a devo/party for the children. Many of the Hmong children arrived way before the party began. So, we interacted with some of them. I had the opportunity that evening to be able to talk to a very talented teenager. Her name is Shernia. She hung out with two other girls, one of whom is Mani, one of the youth leaders. Quiet and shy, Shernia began to come alive as she shared with me her dream to be a singer. When asked about her favorite singers, the 15 year old jumps for delight as she softly whisper to me her favorite Korean boy band. As I endured an almost exclusive Korean boy band conversation with her, I noticed her aversion of topics concerning her family. Whenever I try to bring up matters about her family, she would instantly try to change the topic of the conversation. I had a hunch, and it had something to do with some form of restriction from her family that she hates.

Later, as the party began, we again interacted with the kids that came. After eating, we had the devotional. A day before, after praying for the children, I told Tina about my own story of coming to know Christ. I told about how it had been a struggle for me to become a Christian in my own home. So, when the Countrymans asked me to share my testimony with the kids, I did not decline, though I felt a little reluctance to do so.

As many of you all know, I came from a broken family. As such, anything related to my family, or my past for that matter, is something not only hard for me to come to terms with, but also something I would not want to just share with anybody. Coming to the US, all I really wanted to do is to have a new start. I have been doing a great job at doing that too. Many of my new found friends do not even suspect that I have had such a history. Yet, it pains me to wear this mask. It pains me even more to think of the past. From time to time, I’d still ask God, “Why?” Why did my parents have to separate? Why did mom hit and scold us for no reason? Why did I have to undergo all the beatings from my family just for going to church? Why is my mother’s mental health not improving? The list continues.

Well, I still do not know the answers to these questions. However, I do not really need to know them. God never promised me from the very beginning that it is going to be smooth sailing. Nonetheless, over the years, I have seen Him work in me, in my family. I mean, it could not have been a coincidence that in just a span of 7 years, my brother and I reconciled with Dad. In a year after going to church, Mom threw away her Buddhist idols. A year ago, my family, who threw me out of the house after telling them that I became a Christian, sent me to study in a Christian university in the US. I have accepted the Lord some 6 years ago, with the promises of Psalm 27:10 and Psalm 121 written on my heart. He never said it will be easy, and I still have lots of problems left unsolved, yet He promised that He will never forsake me. He promised to be faithful, and He is.

I have never shared my testimony before, not even in Malaysia. Now, so many miles away from home, I shared my story to our fellow South East Asians living in a foreign land. This is the God we serve. I am glad that, even though ugly and painful, God can use, if not redeem, my past to encourage others who have and are currently going through similar circumstances.

After sharing with the kids my testimony, Sen, one of the youth leaders prayed. In his prayer, he said, “Father, if See Huang could do it, we can do it too!” Before leaving the house, Shernia came to me up front, thanked me, and gave me a hug.

Shernia and I

The 12^th

On our last official day with the kids, the 12^th, we helped the ministry in organizing for the children a Parents Appreciation Day in the church. We did various work to help the church prepare for the night. I, of course, chose to serve by cooking for the night. Following the directions from Tina, I prepared Thai styled roast chicken. Tina made some steam glutinous rice to go with the chicken. While helping out, I took the opportunity to ask her about Shernia. And yes, my hunches proved right. Shernia is having a lot of difficulties with her family, who severely restricts her from attending church. In between sharing with me Shernia’s story with me, Tina actually wept. It has not been easy for me, and I can understand that. But, for a girl her age… And she even summoned the courage to go to the Countrymans’ that night too. Such bravery.

Preparing food for the Parent's Appreciation Night

Anyway, during that night, we helped by dishing out the food, and serving the food to the kids and their parents (another item for praise!) who attended. A video is shown after the dinner, where some of the kids are shown thanking their parents in Hmong. Then, halfway through the video, an unexpected footage of Shernia thanking her parents is shown. I am shocked. This girl is truly something. Actually, what is more amazing is that she actually showed up that night. God is already at work in her. The night is ended with a short skit, in Hmong, by the Urban Ministry youth leaders. The skit is rather short, but it served its purpose of showing to their parents that Christ came to die not only for the Whites, but also the Hmongs.

In just a jiffy, the night ended, and so did our last day with the kids.

Conclusion

Overall, this has been a great trip. It is rather sad that it had only lasted us for just a mere week. Yet, we went to do what we needed to do: to help the kids. The greatest experience I have gained from going to Minnesota is not the fact that I have learned to interact with “kids” more, but that God has been really faithful. As much as I have helped the children, this trip has helped shed some light in where God can use me to the glory of His kingdom. Actually, before leaving, the Countrymans actually offered me to do a summer internship this year. Of course, my answer is a definite yes, but I have yet to tell them. Anyway, to all of you in SJGC, I’d like to just thank you all for the opportunity that you have given to me to go to Minnesota. Lastly, I like to challenge all of you, especially the youngsters, to come out of your comfort zones, and go do something to help those in need. I end with an overused verse of the Bible, Matthew 28:18-20, “Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Thank you.

Tougher Than a Cockroach

2009-03-31T20:46:00.000-07:00

Over the past 3 weeks, I not only survived the coldness of Minnesota, but also a week-long food poisoning as well as a few major exams, while barely cutting it close for two speeches. Yup, I'm alive, a-kicking, and a-running. For some reasons, coming out of these series of hurdles reminds me of the humble cockroach. As weird as it sounds, I think it's quite appropriate that I think of myself as a "lipas". I mean, I did survive from the chilly winter of Minnesota (cockroaches don't usually thrive in cold places, btw, so that makes me more adaptable than them, no?), and food poisoning from McDonald's did not kill me, and a physiological psychology test did not render me unconscious. Therefore, it's only justified that I equate myself to life's most adaptable and resilient creature, the cockroach. So, come on, bring it on!

Break

2009-03-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

One have to wonder why the word "break" is used to convey a general understanding of what people all know as rest or holiday (another word that I will attempt to dissect one day). When one says he is going to "take a break," he means that he is going to rest or relax. When the term "spring break" is used, it often means a week-long holiday marking the end of winter, or the beginning of spring. Now, just why would break take on such positive meanings when it almost always convey brokenness in many other contexts?

Well, perhaps, we all need a break, or a spring break -- just an interruption in normalcy, a broken net to free us, even if it is just a little bit, from being too tied up to our strings (aren't we all somewhat like puppets, tied to strings, made to dance at fancy by our schedules?). Just a little hole, a break is good for the soul. No wonder Jesus often takes time off from the group from time-to-time.

May this spring break be a good time for us (who are studying in America, or anywhere else that has a spring break) rest. For the rest of you who do not have the privilege of a spring break, just hang in there! To St. Paul, Minnesota I GO!!! Brrr.

Gratefulness

2009-02-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

Kinda funny that I thought about something really so irrelevant to college life last week. I thought of raising my own kids in the United States in the future. I mean, why not? They will have greater access to reputable education (screw our secondary school sejarah), be able to get better paying jobs here, and etc, etc. Nonetheless, I do not want my children to be American -- American in culture, American in attitude. With everything provided for, many American kids are, sadly, very lackadaisical. For instance, just observe my university. Many students come to class, hoping to only pass the class. 1800 USD for an individual class. Do the calculation into Ringgit.

I tutored a student the other day. She had a paper due the next day, and she had even hardly begun doing anything. Although I did all I could to help her, I felt angry that she did not even put any effort in trying to write her essay. It's not a hard thing to do, so why flunk a class that costed your parents 1800 USD. For the most part, I practically wrote the paper for her. For such a developed country, America sure does produce a lot of people who take for granted many of her priveleges.

Yet, are we really that different too? Well, I think most Malaysians truly value education (no wonder why our parents are always trying to ship us into an educational institution right after secondary school). But, I can't say that for sure about food. With a wide array of delicious food, I can't deny we're spoiled for choice. Funny ain't it, that we can head up to Asia Cafe, and yet find that there's no food there. Try coming to this side of America, where there's only Little Panda, which serves mediocrity with a price overblown price tag.

In order to prove my point, let's look at our common ignorance by observing the easily available (and obtainable) morning breakfast, tau sar pau. For something that costs us 80 sen, or more, depending on where you get it, we'd just buy them pau-s, and reheat them conveniently at home before eating. Have we ever stop and think how hard it actually is to make those? For a bite of scrumptious hot pau filled with warm melt-in-mouth tau sar, the person who made it had to prepare the pastry, and then labor for hours just to make the tau sar (if you happen to buy in a reputable seller, they, most often than not, make their filling from scratch), just to sell them for a price not even a fraction of what they had worked. All we do is to just plop those little buggers into our mouth without even a thought. I made those darn pau-s this morning, so I kinda understand how those pau auntie or uncle would have felt. Actually I made only 7 of them, only to find myself losing appetite after I finished making them.

2 hours of hard work to get so little red bean paste.

Even the pau-s did not look flat like the ones we would usually buy in Malaysia

I guess in the end, nobody really can escape from taking things for granted. It's just the way we are made. Better be aware, next time, of the things we are currently taking for granted, before they're taken away from us. Be grateful.

4 minutes to 12

2009-02-15T21:55:00.000-08:00

What can I write in four minutes, I wonder?

Being a student, it is no longer an alien custom to sleep past 12 every single day. Well, 3 more minutes, nope, actually 2 more. My eyes are dry, going to bed now, and waking up at 8. Typical life of a student. Exciting.

Time's up. It's 12 am.

Dream

2009-02-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, call me an insolent prick, or an irrational idealist. But don't shoot me down... just yet.

I've, of late, been praying, considering the prospect of going to Japan to work. I can already predict the random thoughts flying about. Whatever, man. As if it's gonna be that easy! Oh, let him just dream on~

If there is anything that has been exciting of late, it is definitely this big ambition of mine. I've never quite understood how or even why I have developed this crazy idea in the first place. Coming to the US with nothing but a vague dream of becoming a writer one day, it has never occurred to me to consider going to Japan to teach English, much less becoming a missionary. As much as it is crazy to all of you, it is shocking to me too. It's been quite a turn of events, but for once, I'm beginning to see how my talents and gifts can possibly be used in the future.

Of course, I have my doubts. Yet, I continue to pray and seek God in this matter. So before shooting me down, a word of encouragement, of prayer, or otherwise, a great listening ear would be of great worth. In fact, these are worth more than tongues tainted with reality-check venom.

Trust me, I've been too easily labeled as a fanatic, a lunatic and/or an extremist. But whatever the deal is, this is something important to me, something I want to cultivate and develop, and something I would like you all to pray for. I know, it sounds crazy. Heck, I find it the most absurd ambition ever. Yet, if this is what God wants me to do, I will gladly offer myself to Him. And if this is God's will for me, I'm pretty sure He'll give me everything that I'll need, and all I've just got to do is to thrust all my dependence unto Him.

For now, anyone reading this, please just be considerate and understand that I've taken a whole year to figure out all of this. It didn't come creep into my skull in the brief of a minute. No, it has squandered nights after nights, petition after petition, and it has challenged me to do the least desirable. Ah, the humor of God dragging His children out from the peace of their comfort zone, and dumping them into a pile of mess, only to walk with them in the chaos without them knowing it. What a precocious God, if I can say so myself! (God forgive me for such blasphemy! I repent!) Yes, without much explanation, that is the summarized version of what I've experienced over the last year.

Now, now... my major is still English (and I don't intend to change it, so please just don't comment about it anymore than it deserve!), and I currently attend a Japanese Bible class with a few American missionaries, who went to Japan many years ago. Of course, I'm still fumbling with the language, but I have to say, I'm doing pretty well. Eh, hard work, you know! 1 year of self-education, and constant self-deprecation in front of native-speakers. Apart from that I also plan to enroll in language school during the summer to pick up kanji, if possible.

Well, before I end this, I'd just wanted to share with you what my missionary friend told me. This is a reply when I told him that I wished God had made me a Caucasian American:

"See Huang, as an American going to Japan, I feel that we Americans go there as people of power -- having defeated the Japanese in the war. Although the Japanese generally respect us, our respect is due only because we were victorious against them. However, if you were to go to Japan, you are not only going there as, what you called yourself, a "lower-class" Asian, but also in a position of weakness and humility, having been the conquered people of the then oppressive Japanese. What more, you're going there to serve these people, who used to be your enemies. So, this parallel with a lot of who Jesus is. Remember Isaiah 53, that Jesus did not have anything to attract men to Himself? Similarly, if you go to Japan, your testimony is more valid, more powerful than ours. We earned their respect, but our testimony doesn't match our "status". However with you, the Japanese would ask, 'Why would the people we have persecuted come over to help us?' Do you catch what I'm trying to tell you? For all you know, God has specific reasons to have you to be born as a Chinese in Malaysia, handcrafted to be a tool of witnessing to the Japanese."

An Empty Bank Account

2009-01-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

There's a time to minister, and there's a time to be ministered. Often, we've been told that it is good to give. Have we often heard of the opposite? That it is good to receive? When our culture is so eminent with the spirit of paiseh-ness, no wonder we find it hard to receive anything given to us unconditionally, without shrinking back, sometimes even possibly retort aggressively, "Oh, you shouldn't have!".

Well, school has already started about two weeks ago. OK, before I can proceed to saying anything intelligible, let me let you into my little private world in this little place called Abilene. Here, almost every night, I open my doors to friends to come over to have dinner with my roommate and I. Part of this, so called "ministry" is to build bridges in order to share the gospel with many of our friends who aren't Christians. So, though this little "kenduri" of ours, we have managed to reach out to people, getting acquainted with them. One of these friends is none other than Chigusa, who accepted the Lord last year.

I've been doing this for sometime now, and I'm been blessed that despite all of this, I am able to still maintain my finances pretty tight. Well, good thing that cooking is a relatively cheap hobby here in the US. Heheh.... ^_^;

Anyway, with bridges built, many of my friends turn to me to have their life straightened out. Imagine Freud. Trying to be the superman (or the super Christian) that I am not, I gave myself to others, hoping that my help might somehow in turn lead them to knowing God more. I won't call it an evangelism out-reach ministry, but well, it's the ultimate goal that I always hope to fulfill. However, being carried away with just giving, I have forgotten that I, too, needed to receive.

Nonetheless, knowing that I have very little left in the bank account of my heart, I was too proud to accept any help from others. I continued in trying to do everything by myself, and in the end, I burned out.

Now, you can imagine just how much work it is to balance out my now hectic life, evident through my lack of blogging. I not only have to cook for a bunch of people, but I also had to listen and talk to people who needed help, while studying all at the same time. I realized that, even in my enthusiasm to do God's work, it's easy to just give, and pride myself with not wanting to receive. Furthermore, I guess it's easy to get carried away with trying to be the lone wolf of God. Living the Christian life, while trying to be the superman of God is not just impossible, it is a form of idolatry, trying to leave God out of the equation, thinking you could do things by your own strength.

Back to paiseh-ness. If there is just one thing I'd like to remove from my system right now, it would be that of being paiseh. While the world out there have intentionally rejected Jesus' free gift, I have something to say: we as Christians are no better. With lips we claim to receive Jesus' gift, but our actions directly contradict that. I have realized that in my own life -- how I am just so proud to want to receive anything. Receiving is just as important than giving. Mankind can still choose to give abundantly, while possibly at the same time deny the Christ, only to land into the depths of hell.

We've all heard of the Dead Sea, which keeps receiving but never gives, and because of that, it very salty. Well, if we give too much, we're going to end up penniless. Anyway, I leave you all with a provoking thought: it's time to check your balance.

My New Year Psalm

2009-01-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

Psalm 27

Of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Anew

2008-12-31T12:14:00.000-08:00

New year, fresh beginnings. The end of 2008 marks the start of my 3rd semester in the US. It seems too surreal to think that I have left home a year ago. I've been blessed beyond what I could even comprehend or contemplate. Yet as newness fades into familiarity, I can only say that I'm far from being guilty of complacency. Perhaps, my prayer for this new year is that I might learn to be more grateful for everything the Lord has blessed me with.

More than anything else, I pray for a deeper desire to seek after the Lord. Reading Revelations, it's creepy to think what God would do to me (He'd spit me out!) if I did not give my all to Him.

So, this year, I continue to pray that God would preserve me, and keep me faithful to Him. Thank you Lord for being faithful to a wretched sinner like me!

Everything

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my wathcing
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

You are everything
Jesus, Everything

A Time to Breathe

2008-12-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

Finally, just a moment of peace. I'm so glad that Christmas is over. No more party planning, no more people rampaging down my house. Just a time to be alone with God.

A Christmas Reminder

2008-12-26T11:10:00.000-08:00

I can't deny that my Christmas has been nothing short of an elaborate list of to-dos. Yet in the midst of Christmas, I am reminded of the goodness of life, as I emailed an email to a friend of mine.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I deeply appreciate it. In fact, I felt a little down this morning after waking up. I took an extra long shower, and just emptied my mind. Yet, I still felt a little gloomy. I dried myself, put on fresh clothes, and walked out, telling myself that I'm not going to feel this way. I'm glad that I did just that. And then, just as I was about to check your apple pie recipe again, I opened my inbox to find your email, only to subsequently read it with tender care.

XXX, I'm not going to say that I know how or what you're feeling, or any that sort of nonsense. What I do know is that feelings tend to go up and down -- it's like a roller coaster. What I will also say is that these feelings are normal. In fact, at least for me, the shrills of going up, and then, descending down, is what makes life really exciting. If life is all about just the ups, I really wonder, could I truly appreaciate goodness in life? Perhaps, I might even end up a spoiled, complacent brat. So, without the gloominess of life, I don't think I would appreciate the good in life. Also, perhaps, I believe that if we can appreciate the good things in life here, it will definitely help us to appreacite them even more during the eternity to come!

Although the downs have been hurtful for me, still I try to thank God for each and every of these afflictions in my life. I believe that these pains in my life, although at times causes me to doubt in God, has made me grown as a person. I don't believe that God merely allow this things to happen in order that we might be disciplined, like a father disciplines his children (Hebrews 12), or that our faith is tested (i.e. Abraham). I also believe that He wants us to have a better picture of life, which is not lopsided. From what I can see in my own life, God has showed me that life is not one constantly filled with rainclouds, nor is it only filled with sunshiny blue skies.

However, it is always so easy to get carried away whenever we're faced with times of disappointment and negativity, in whole. Whenever that happens to me, I always thank God for friends, who are willing to give up themselves to drag me out of the murk. You've done that a couple of times -- and for that I thank God for you. In the end, when we've snapped out of it, we realize that our sadness, moodiness, and/or gloominess is really just temporary. It comes, and it goes. Sometimes, right after I snap out of my so-called "depression," I often realize that I've been selfish for feeling so. There's a million or so people out in the world who 'deserves' to feel this way, who yearns to feel this way, and yet they have to place these feelings aside to do, move, and work dictated by reality's cruelty, only to perhaps shed a single tear in the morning.

Anyway, I don't want to lecture you, XXX. As much as this is my thought to you, it is also my own thoughts to myself. I also trying to remind myself how good God has been to me. Well, before I end this, I'd like to share with you John 16:33: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. I this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Well, I don't have much else to say. May we remember the goodness of the life God has given to us as we remember the birth of the Savior.

Kempen Tak Mau Lipas

2008-12-09T00:31:00.000-08:00

Alangkah masa lipas berundur. Kempen Tak Mau Lipas!!!

Cheezy no? Well, that's what we three Malaysians have planned to do. Lipas is the codename for our "super kawaii" friend's ex-boyfriend. We've been counseling this friend of our's, whose ex dumped her to seek out other relationships. Undeniably true, love is blind. After a while, the lipas slyly flies back to the girl, tormenting her, like a cockroach crawling behind your back without your knowledge.

So, our goal is to keep our friend from making the same mistakes again. Time to bring in some heavy duty Ridsect to elliminate the lipas.

When A Thief Strikes

2008-12-09T00:04:00.000-08:00

Just the other day, I went swimming. Leaving my vest in the locker room, I jumped straight to the pool. The next 20 minutes, I came out of the pool, dried and dressed myself, and left for home. It wasn't until 4 days till I realized that something precious was stolen: my 80 gig iPod.

Searching high and wide for ブラック, or "Black," I slowly became manic when it could not be found. I kept telling myself that it must be somewhere -- just a matter of time till I find it. Yet, the more I kept staying in that mode, the more I became intoxicated with obsessive-compulsion. Couldn't find it anywhere, everywhere.

Thus, I kept heaping abuse at myself for my lack of careful attention for the precious things in life. But heaping burning coals on my head wasn't going to do anything. So, in the end, I tried going to sleep, as if my problems would disappear the next day. Predictably, I couldn't sleep. It was traumatic enough to know how careless I am, what more, I was bombarded with the prospect of studying without music. See, I just that kind of guy that can't study without music. With that in mind, I couldn't imagine college life without my mp3 player. It's a need, not a want.

Then, my arms curiously reached into the second pocket of my winter vest, hoping that my Dell thumbdrive would somehow be inside it. It wasn't. The thing with me is that I usually leave my iPod in the left pocket of the vest, while the thumbdrive inside the other. The fact that both devices seems to be missing coincidentally sounds suspicious altogether.

200 USD, the thought crops into my head. 200 Dollars. Fortunately, the thumbdrive is free and luckier still that I have already turned in my finals' paper, which file is within the device. Yet, despite all these, it still hurts to think about it. My privacy was violated, my things stolen, and my money wasted. What more, the thief could even plagarize my essay. Going to God in prayer, I poured out my feelings.

But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Matthew 5:38-42

Dear God, it's just so easy to hear in theory, but doing what You ask is just so difficult. Can I even ask a benevolent God to forgive this wretch for ransaking my things, for taking what is not his/her? God, give me the courage and will to forgive!

Times A-Changing

2008-12-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I just lie down on my bed, and stare blankly at the ceiling. And I wonder and think about one absolute truth in this world: time flies fast. It's now the finals of my second semester in Abilene. Like what the heck? It hasn't been too long since I've left Malaysia. What's more disturbing is the fact that it's -3 °C inside my room. I HATE WINTER!

Then again, I guess I must be thankful for everything God has given to me. As time unfolds, His goodness becomes more apparent. A good example would be a friend, if not sister, of mine, Jazmin. I've only really gotten to know her this semester, and what's sad is that she will be transferring to another university next semester. Despite time being short, I am glad that God has given me the chance to get to know this awesome sister. Time may be short but the friendship established is more profound and deep than the time which couldn't afford it.

What more, it was a blessing to be able to experience the Hispanic culture through her. Over the thanksgiving break, three of us Malaysians -- Adrian, Elena and I -- went a-packing to a small town in southern Texas called Mission, where Jaz lives. We experienced a culture so different, and yet similar to what we often fail to describe as "Malaysian". There, we spent 5 days with her at her house. We have experienced what's quintessentially Hispanic, and yet, at the same time celebrate the epitome of most thing American, called "Thanksgiving".

Jazmin on the far left

I guess, even if it was a short trip overall, we had a blast there, not to mention shop like crazy during Black Friday, which was equivalent to the Mega Sales in Malaysia. Also, we had a chance to try out a dish that calls for chicken to be braised in a sauce made with chilies and chocolate.

As for Jaz, I guess I'll miss her sarcasm and her funny face. Yet, I believe that there is a reason for us to meet and know each other here in Abilene, and there's also a reason for her to transfer. I can only pray for her, and wish her all the best. What I've learned is that, as far as friendship goes, in most cases, good friends will always be remembered and cherished.

This brings me to another train of thought. To you, my friends in Malaysia, I miss y'all. There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember you by. And Justin, that includes you. WELCOME HOME!!! I'm looking forward to be able to see you again.

As for me, I'm gonna go back into studying for my finals. It's killing me each and every single day. No air to breathe, I tell ya. I stayed up two whole days (mind you, without sleep) last week trying to study for a sociology test. And this week, not much different, staying up another 2 days just to finish a 2500 word essay. Gila man! Oh well, with sleep depravation clinging onto me, I guess I should call it a day.

PS: I really can't wait to go home. I can't wait to see the new and taller Judson.

The Kind of Stuffs I Make

2008-11-17T13:36:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to find time to blog (*cough* brag) about the things that I've cooked so far. Unfortunately, most of the time, the very things that I whip up disappears in a matter of seconds. So, I've been trying to learn the art of capturing food shots faster than the hands that grabs.

Here's some of my attempt at making bento. I made some kimchi fried rice and some japchae. All I did is to put it into the appropriate container and, then, decorate it with some omelet. Notice the shape of the omelet. It doesn't look too good and I seem to have spelt my friend's name wrongly too. Bleh. At least the food tasted good.

Japchae

Kimchi bokkeumbap

Then, over the weekend, I made some pineapple tarts too. I wasn't sure if it would turn out the way it should, but it turned out so well that even people who hated pineapples couldn't resist eating it.

The Filling

The End Result

That's all for random blogging. ;)

Disillusionment

2008-11-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

Currently, I am growing disillusioned with the church that I am attending. It’s been more than a semester since I started attending Beltway. I guess a lot of the reasons I chose this church in the first place was because I liked its lively, youthful atmosphere. I mean, what else could attract young people such as me than through booming music, theater-like atmosphere, slick cool sermons and tons of friends?

I used to be really quiet and reserved before coming to the States. Then, I changed. Poof! I became talkative, open and “extroverted”. Over last semester, I became really different (not just the looks, if you’d noticed).

This semester, however, I’m learning to appreciate quiet times and privacy. Aren’t you tired of people telling you that if you’re not out with people, you don’t have a life? Honestly, I’m here to declare that that’s nothing but the LIE of the devil! I’ve found out that there’s time for everything: time to be alone, and time to be with others (Ecclesiastes 3).

Knowing that, and realizing that I’m changing, yet again, I’m beginning to feel really disillusioned with the megachurch I’m attending. I’m starting to question my original motives for even attending the church. Yesterday, while the people around bunched up to pray in groups, I left the prayer abruptly. The doubts surfaced during the middle of the college group prayer meeting, rendering me to desire to just sit down and just think. Why am I even here? Why do I feel like I’m worshipping people rather than God? Am I attending this church just to feel good about myself?

My struggles really reflect one of the Footstool Player’s bygone dramas. If I remembered correctly, it’s the one with Dorothy (now happily married to Desmond! Congrats again, Des!) taking orders at McChurch’s drive thru, or something. That’s what I feel about the church I’m going. It’s like going to a restaurant, happily munching with people, without a shred of awe for the God who was, is and is to come.

If the friends, music and theatrics of this church are causing me to fall into idolatry, then I’m leaving. Although I sound all gung-ho, I have to disclose that this is a big decision, one which makes me anxious and fearful. So, as I pray for discernment and wisdom from God, people, friends, please do pray for me too! Blessings.

It's Gonna Be Temporary

2008-11-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

It's gonna be temporary, says Caro.

I've just got a year older a few days ago, and it was most profound that I was emo during that day. I was deeply incapacitated to do anything these past few days. All I did was to avoid people, place myself in the library -- laboriously studying -- and talk as little as I could. I became estranged from God. In America, with all sorts of concepts running around, it's really hard to know what's truth anymore. There's no truth, in essence. That's what I hear around. Everything is subjective.

There's extremes on both sides. Telling a conservative friend about my struggles would only warrant me a that's-the-devil's-voice-so-don't-listen-to-it explanation. Going to a "liberal" friend, I would only become even more confused, when she tells me that there's really no way to proof God's existence. So, all I did was to beat around the bush. No way out, trapped. I felt angry, frustrated. What the heck am I doing here? Who am I? What's the point of just praying, reading the Bible? If God's just so far away, why even bother trying to please Him? I felt redundant, so purposeless. I suck, everyone suck. Die and burn, world!

As soon as I got really depressed, life went on and I calmed down over a few days. I began to talk to people, go back to my regular jogging and live life as best as I could. In this renewed state, I was not only able to function normally, but I could actually begin sorting why I was even depressed in the first place. It's kinda like tired Elijah who ran away from God, even after witnessing God's miraculous feat. I ran away from God, possibly due to the state of tiredness -- not just physical tiredness, but spiritual and emotional tiredness. Worse, in this state, I was confronted with a volley of different views and opinions, which clouded everything. Once I confined myself to just thinking, I have already set myself within a dungeon. Kah Wan once told me that humans were not built to be just thinking machines, but also organisms capable of spirituality and emotions. Humans are also physical beings, as well.

Now that I have relocated myself in quiet of the wilderness, God's whisper-like voice seems to be clearer. I was just reading Bonhoeffer's book, Cost of Discipleship. There's a wonderful poem that just sums up what I felt over these past few days:

Who Am I?

Who am I? They often tell me

I stepped from my cell’s confinement

Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,

Like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me

I used to speak to my warders

Freely and friendly and clearly,

As though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me

I bore the days of misfortune

Equally, smilingly, proudly,

Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?

Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,

Struggling for breath, as though hands were

compressing my throat,

Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,

Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,

Tossing in expectation of great events,

Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,

Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,

Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army,

Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

Before reading this poem, a really good friend of mine, Caro, shared with me her testimony. She told me of how she was born a child to a single mother, whose husband left her for another woman. Caro, who's probably had worse miseries compared to me (or anyone else) had the say one night, when she told us that it's about a race. This race needs to be filled with prayers and with hope, because that will remind us just how temporary these feelings and doubts currently are, compared to the joy that we will ultimately have in the end.

I may not understand everything, but that's not really important. I just thank God for provision, that I have whatever it takes to get me to the next day. In the end, everything we experience here, our pain, fears, and doubts are just gonna be temporary.

It's gonna be temporary.

Likes and Dislikes

2008-10-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

15 minutes before my literature class starts and I decide to write something. Purely random but relevant.

Likes:
1) Sipping a hot cuppa coffee in the morning.
2) Staring at the vapors that I breathe out when it's cold.
3) Reading the Bible and looking at God in a new, fresh way.
4) Killing enemy scums in Halo 3 with friends.
5) Inventing fusion dishes.
6) Sleeping till it's 3 pm in the afternoon.
7) Going out during the night for a good run around campus.

Dislikes:
1) Drinking a cup of diluted coffee that won't wake me up in the morning.
2) Running in the cold, while my ears and face crinkles up, because I'm late to class.
3) Making God into religion and a set of rules of do-s and don't-s.
4) Having my hopes of having a 4-player co-op crushed when the controller from Walmart doesn't functions.
5) Nuclear explosion and diarrhea.
6) Waking up at 8 am every weekday for class.
7) Having a terrible run because of allergies.

Desert Wanderings

2008-10-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

"At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him." Mark 1:12-13

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

I get so frustrated with myself from time-to-time. It's easy to put up a fake smile, and go around pretending that everything is fine when it is not. I hate to give people the false impression that I don't struggle with any issues. Man, if people can only see how rotten I am in the inside.

I want to continue to be fervent and on fire for God. But the sad fact is, I've always end up making God into a list of do-s and don't-s, and then realizing later, very much later, that all He wants is for me to rely on Him for all that I need.

A big struggle of mine is that, many times, I choose to just turn away from God whenever I realize that I can't do anything to get things right by myself. I mean, what's the point of doing what is right when I know in the future, I will inevitably have some pitfalls, whether I want it or not. Call it kiasu-ness or whatever! I just hate it when I fall. I want a clean slate now and never ever be black listed. What's the point of trying to keep a clean slate when I know I can never keep it clean all the time. (Notice the italics?)

And funny thing is, when I choose to flee from God, He always end up being at the end of when I don't expect Him to be.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. (Psalm 139:7-8)

Thankfully, I'm glad that God is constantly faithful. Even when I try to run away from Him, He always finds a way to woo me back into His wide, flung opened arms. It's just so often I get carried away, thinking it's all about me. God has a funny sense of humor to tell me that it's never about me first place, but it's about Him. Furthermore, He even claims that He'll "remember my sins no more". I'm just so glad that even though God knows I'm all rotten inside, He chooses to see me through Jesus. I'll never be worthy of Him, never be able to reach His standards, and never will be like Him, and He knows that. Yet, He comes close to those who know they are a mess. He didn't come for those who are well but those who needs to be healed. He came for us, for me.

God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

The Ajisai Asian Fashion Show

2008-10-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was the debut of ACU's very first Asian Fashion Show. The show, which lasted for 2 whole hours, featured, mostly, modern and urban Asian clothing. The turn ups were pretty strong, and it was not surprising that many lined even through the exterior of Teague, where it was held.

I went to Teague a little past 7 pm, which was the time when the show was about to start. I was mostly busy because of my rushed schedule of making 'siew mai' for the show as well as trying to dye my hair brown for my get-up. Thankfully, some of my trustworthy and dependable friends aided me as I attempted to get things ready for the show. *Wipe sweat off brow* Being the cook, food server and mascot is not easy.

By the time I got to Teague, the place was crowded with I-don't-know-how-many-people-but-it-was-too-numerous-to-count, Elena and I snaked through the line, cut across hundreds of people and reached our food-dispenser corner. There we just served food and perhaps give people a good impression of Asian fashion. And as y'all know, I was cosplaying. Unfortunately, my hair color didn't change. It must have been God's will for my hair to remain black for the whole of eternity.

But whatever. As if anybody really watches Bleach nowadays... with all the fillers and stuff.

Well, back to the food-talk... Uh, I have to agree that the free food was never enough and we weren't able to demonstrate any sort of Jesus-power that night. The food was actually good, but it was really cheezy, if you know what I mean (cough... crab... cough... rangoon... ahem).

The show, long as it was, was actually quite short. I regretted that I had brought my glasses over to the show. I struggled to squint my eyes as small as I could, and yet failed to see anything. Now I know how the blind man, who saw people who looked like trees after the first time Jesus healed him, in the book of Mark, felt. Fortunately, I had Elena as my commentator that night. Unfortunately for y'all, I can't say much of the show as I didn't really watched it, with my eyes half-closed (or half-open) and yet not really seeing anything.

After the show had ended, some of my friends and I went for a little photo shooting for fun. *For all the glamor that Aizen receives, I feel personally that he doesn't have many cool poses and thank God for Elena who contributed ideas to make all these super-uber poses possible*

My Sister and I

"Hau Sang Loi" and I

Chigusa and Iki

My Teammate and I

Teammate strikes a pose for-the-win

South East Asians Only

Well, that's all for the fashion show, folks. Now, it's time for me to get back to bed and lament the fact that I caught the cold. Till next time. おならしてください。(Do translate the phrase)

いつでも、どこでも

2008-10-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

いつでも、どこでも、
君は私を待ってくれている。
君はずっと待っている、
暗闇の中で、
あなたが泣いているのを聞いた。
泣かないで下さい！
いまここにいる、いつもここにいる。
絶対君は守ってくれる。
君はずっと待っている。
だから、心配しないで。
ほほ笑んでいてください、
いつでも、どこでも。

Ready, Set, Go!!!

2008-10-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

Midterm is here. The hardest week is about the begin but I'm gonna cling to Romans 5:3-4. Bring it on, I'm ready! がんばるよ！

The God Who Spoke

2008-09-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

I was away over last weekend for a church retreat. Well, truthfully, even though I am studying in a Christian university and I proclaim to be a Christian, to some extent, I am not a person overly fond of being overly spiritual. Gosh, that sounds like blasphemy, but, honestly, my love for God had grown cold over the years. So, when my friend invited me to the retreat, my initial reaction was a firm "no". And there came the moment when the Lord of the universe chose to confront me and despite being skeptical, I paid 60 bucks and took the leap of faith.

Shipped over a mosquito-ridden part of Texas called Brownwood, the first event that we had was a Friday night worship service, complete with the usual heart-thumping, repetitive lyrics-abusing music and an inspirational, if not charismatic sermon (and when I say "charismatic", think charismatic *wink, wink*). The service ended with an equally awkward "laying of hands" ritual where we went up to the life group leaders, as well as the preacher, "having them pray over us", as they said. Though I was reluctant, I went nonetheless. OK, the experience having to go through the narrow line of people lining my left and right, with their hands outstretch over my shoulders, arms and head, was WEIRD. Then, I listened to their prayers. "Lord, renew this man's walk with you", "Lord, melt the doubt that this man has", "Father, show this man how much you love him and how precious he is in your sight". . . I walked further through the passageway of people and then the preacher placed his palm all the way to my chest and prayed, "Lord, in Jesus' name, remove from this young man the coldness of his heart". I have not felt so convicted all my life. This are a bunch of people that I don't even know and they were praying for things that I so wanted to pray about. I didn't weep, but deeply, I wept. God in His infinite wisdom spoke and I fell on His feet and worshiped Him.

I recommitted my life to Jesus again that weekend. It's amazing how faithful God is. I'm amazed that He still loved me even when I had sinned against Him countlessly.

If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
1 John 2:1

Well, my story didn't actually ended up like that. The next day, I was half expecting myself to slip back into my old "tidak apa" self. God was not about to let that happen to me, fortunately. During that night's worship service, a friend of mine, Chigusa, who wasn't a Christian, went out of the chapel. She came back after 20 minutes and I asked her, "Daijoubu, desu ka?", which means, "Are you OK?". She answered me, "Tabun", meaning, "Maybe". After 10 minutes, she decided to go out again and this time, I decided to follow her outside. I wasn't sure why I did so, but I felt that God was tugging on my heart and I went.

There she was, on the front porch of the chapel's steps. She was crying. I went towards her, my right arm over her back. We started talking and while listening to her, I told God, within the depths of my heart, "I don't know what I should do". In our conversation, we talked about Chigusa's struggles: wanting to know more about God, relationships, and studies. She told me her about insecurities and how she wanted to become a Christian but due to so-and-so reason, as well as some fears, she was uncertain about making that decision. If you knew Chigusa as I did, you would have known that she is not somebody that is at all interested in God and under the starry night sky, she told me that she started to believe in God.

I wasn't sure what I should say but I knew that God was talking to her. Actually, a lot of the time in the worship service, she would take out her dictionary to check out a list of Christian words she couldn't understand, such as "grace, blessedness, hosanna and etc". I didn't know what to say to her and yet at that very moment, God gave me the words to provide comfort to Chigusa and, subsequently, ask her if she wanted to invite Christ into her life. To cut the story short, in the end, Chigusa made the decision to pray the sinner's prayer with me.

I am just completely amazed at God's work within me and through me. Seriously, I never would have thought that He would even want to use me to reach out to others. I mean, I've been thinking about myself all this while, and yet God brought me out of that mentality, to think about others. Just imagine if God didn't move me to go to the retreat. Would Chigusa confess Jesus as her Lord and Savior? There is just no words sufficient to tell of what God is currently doing in my life. Great is the love that the Father has for me.

Chords

2008-09-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

A lot of the times, I find human emotions equate vanity. I even told Elena today that I'm like Data from the Star Trek. In context, we were discussing about how music could affect our emotions. The night before, we went to Adrian's (my roomy, obviously) jazz recital. That night, Adrian played Tema de Amor by Ennio Morricone, a spectacular piece no doubt. In chapel, Elena told me how the music had awed her, leaving her smiley and later, very much later, (after the the recital was over, truthfully) for no obvious reasons, brought her to tears. The young lady was moved not just because of the music but also the very manner my roomy had played the piano. Face in stern concentration and head hunched towards the glistening black ivory piano, my roomy performed a magical orchestra with the dance of his succulent fingers. She stared at him in reckless abandon, immersing herself in the symphony.

Sitting at the other end of the row, I sat down to try to enjoy the music. My black tailor made suit was pale in comparison to the humble attire that my roomy wore. Perhaps to satiate my desire to look like a Korean movie star walking on crimson carpet, I wore my best suit to the recital. Garbed in my pretentious costume, I listened for sounds of enlightenment in the recital hall. Yes, it was great music and oh, how I longed for tears to form. Disappointment hovered over me. I envied Elena.

I realize that it takes a lot to make me feel anything nowadays. The last time that I felt really emotional was the time I left home after summer vacation. The other time was perhaps when I was listening to a song that Ken gave me while admiring the scenery during my train ride from San Diego to Los Angeles .

The strange things that affect our emotions. . . The human psyche is definitely mysterious.

Back to the music-related realm, I played the guitar today for the first time in my life. Young Cinderella handed me her precious guitar over and gave me a free lesson in chords. I could have sworn that my cheeks blushed. Another sign of the inevitable emotions invading the cold Data. And what a song to play too! The Heart of Worship! ☆

*Knocks on head*

Back to work.

ニュース

2008-09-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

みんなさん、お元気ですか。マレーシアはどうですか。毎日マレーシアのことを考えてるよ。みんなさんもを考えてる。悲しくてさびしいでも、ここにもたくさん友達がいいますから僕はなくないよ。僕はがんばるよ。今宿題をしなきゃいけないよ。たくさん宿題がある。もうやだ！しかし、うれしいから、この週末に協会のキャンプに行きます。だから、勉強をがんばるよ！しまった、テストを忘れちゃった！アートの歴史のテストがあるよ。遅い寝らなきゃいけない。馬鹿、僕は！じゃ、みんなさん、おやすみなさい。また来年なおう！

YouTube Treasures

2008-09-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

Just been fooling around in YouTube lately. My friends introduced to me a couple of interesting videos from YouTube. The first one is a very weird Japanese video. The second one is a sort of Indian spoof of Michael Jackson's "Triller". Enjoy and laugh till you can't breathe!

Speaking of Photos. . .

2008-09-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

I have a really bad tendency to give elaborate excuses to all my mishaps and misgivings. And truly, I intended to write a lot today yet after spending almost 20 minutes of brainstorming, I find myself unable to flood today's entry. Well, I'll let the photos do the talking.

When News of My Kimchi Spreads to the Japanese

When I became the "Mask"

Wait

2008-09-12T07:36:00.000-07:00

Just a simple act can make a person's day. No words used, only a kind gesture. No hugs nor fake pretentious conversations.

A little patience goes a long way and waiting for someone brings a smile.

Bumping into a friend of mine at night, I stop by to have a 20 second chat with him only to cut the conversation short by uttering a rude 'excuse me'. Going off to fetch my bike, I decided to drop by a friend's work place nearby to say hi to her. Not realizing that time flew by, I decided to head home. Seated on my bike, I paddled a little before realizing that I've made a friend wait for me. I felt like stabbing myself that very moment when I saw in the dark the silhouette of a meditative Nobuki.

What grace that the friend still remained a friend and not angry, no less. Humbled, I walked him all the way to the library, uttering a smothered-sounding "mate kurete arigatou" (thanks for waiting for me).

Q&A time:
Q: Would I have been so patient, waiting for a friend?
A: Maybe not.

A Wonderful Parable

2008-09-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

In Walmart yesterday, I decided to splurge a little for movie that my Brother recommended to watch a few months ago. Knowing absolutely zilch about the movie, I took a leap of faith with a little grain of salt (from my trusty and honest friend, Elena, of course!).

After dinner yesterday, we turned off all sources of light and began our adventure. Gosh, it was scary.

If this is not scary, I don't know what is.

Well, just to record my experience without spoiling the show for anyone of you who haven't watched it, the show was a wonderful parable, or at least that was what I thought. The only verse I could think of to sum the message of this parable would probably be Luke 17:33, 'Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.'

Awesome stuff.

Why?

2008-09-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." US Declaration of Independence

Until today, I've always assumed that racial prejudice and discrimination is non-existent in the US (or at least in where I am in). Call me an ignorant, naive or otherwise downright stupid foreign student but I can't really help it, especially when the Americans shower me with more respect than it is due because of my exotic-ness (I hate to admit it, that is the best thing about being international).

Last Wednesday, it so happens that during chapel, the Student Association President (who is African American) stripped his clothings (not to the point of being stark naked, obviously -- he was still clad in his underclothes) to show the point that he like all the other students is human. Well, he could have done it in other ways but this is America, no? Unfortunately, perhaps some people took it differently and the next day, the SA President found a noose on his office table. That sparked the whole controversy in ACU today and perhaps the hoo-hah will not cede until a month or so. In chapel, the whole place was abuzz with local and national news reporters interviewing random students.

Racial issues are sensitive in the US. You just can't drop a noose in a Black man's office. The noose is a symbol of persecution and racial hatred in the US. Back in the days of slavery and even after the abolition of slavery in the US, the method of torturing, if not killing, Black people was by using the noose. So, the noose is viewed as an instrument of prejudice and hatred by the Black Americans. Unfortunately, the fact that one appeared in the office of the SA President is not only depressing but you're just wondering, 'Why?'. It's sickening in this time and age and especially in such a developed nation such as the US that people are so insensitive (what a sick joke, if it actually is) and so repugnant. Worse of all, this is supposed to be a Christian university. Where is love? What is loving your neighbor all about? Dear God, why?

Life and Death Issue

2008-09-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to ransack my brain these past few weeks just to write something of worth. Unfortunately, my classes are keeping me so unkempt to the point that I don't have time for myself, let alone to blog. But, it's a commitment issue and I've got to deal with it. Well, today in class, something struck me real hard -- like a memorable Monday night barely a summer ago, where a tennis ball smashed into my right temple.

Art introduction class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8 am is hardly the subject to get me high in the morning. But today, an artwork that was introduced captured my attention.

Magdelen with the Smoking Flame

Being the complete banana that I am, I can't and don't interpret art very well. I was like, what's the skull there for? But as I later know, the skull represents mortality and after her encounter with Jesus, Mary Magdelen 'recounted her sins and pondered in the darkness'.

It's not everyday that I consistently recognize my own mortality and I guess the danger in doing so is that I waste so much of my life on trivial and vain matters, forgetting what that really means much in life. I mean, people don't just die of cancer and diseases. There are people who just drop dead in the streets. Only God knows when our time is up. Really now, it's time to wake up and realize that each day is precious and that there's a reason why we're even waking up every morning (people do die in their sleep, you know...). So, God, thank you that I woke up this morning. May you help me to live each day as if I'm dying.

Sick on the First Week Again???

2008-08-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have the word blasphemy potentially written upon my forehead after posting my thoughts for the day but I have to say that I'm just totally unlucky to find myself sick yet again on the weekend of my first week of school. I just refuse to believe that there's a reason for me to be sick so coincidentally on the first weekend of school. No, nay and iie. And here I go again, sipping my hot cuppa ho yan hor tea to numb my sore throat.

Meal Plan C (C for See Huang)

2008-08-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

News spreads pretty fast and by the time you know it, people are probably hoarding around you like a swarm of flies. (Well, that's also kinda like the case of big Texan mosquitoes, but that's another story altogether, which I won't spare the time to elaborate!)

After several days of cooking (actually, no -- more like sweating it out... my house lacks proper air vents, and it's pretty hot right about now) for myself and for a few friends, I have now a list of people to cater food to (hint: I'm getting paid to do this). Dreams of owning a restaurant isn't that impossible now and all I just need to do is to hush up about the whole you-can't-get-no-jobs-if-you're-a-foreign-student-in-the-US policy. Probably the only problem is time and motivation. Well, most other things would probably require those quintessential elements, no?

The semester's starting pretty swell (except for a really stupid class, which I dropped and ain't too happy about doing so...), and hopefully, God willing, I hope I'll be able to sustain myself while catering food for others. Ganbarimasu!

Master Photographer

2008-08-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

It's only so often that I meet a really great photographer and thankfully, I have one quite close by. It's actually quite agonizing to see her eyes squinting, hands positioning with her palms and most of her fingers supporting the little device we call a camera while one of her index fingers silently pushes the button. Here's one of her little beauties.

We're in the middle of Penang and instead of going after the more 'gorgeous' scenes, she went after a beggar in the middle of the market. That says a lot about her, don't you think?

Here's a random photo of me by her. It was traumatizing to pose for her. "Turn your head like so-and-so, hands positioned so-and-so, look so-and-so... HOLD IT!".

It would probably not be a good idea to bring her along for a cosplaying gig. XD

PS: It's raining cats and dogs here. I HATE THE RAIN!!!

Made It Finally!

2008-08-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it's kind of depressing not to have internet access for a while, but anyway, just want to say, I've made it safely to A-Town. And thanks, Yeng for the SMS. I wished I had bought more credits to forward it. It's just 10 minutes to 4 pm and I realized that I have missed church (SJGC's Sunday service, obviously) and the tennis cum swimming gig. Oh well... Gotta move on and I miss say I still miss Sim's hair. XD

PS: Elena thought that Ken was Simon and the curly haired one, Ken.

Rejoice, Rejoice!

2008-08-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

By God's grace, I finally retrieved my 'lost' passport.

Surprising (?)

Had to wake up super early this morning (not that I can sleep actually, cause of the jet lag). Took a train from Solana Beach to LA, which took approximately 2 hours. And of all the seats I took, I took the one which didn't have any windows -- so I couldn't manage to get a glimpse of the 'scenic view' of California. Thank goodness for my precious DS that kept me occupied, though I would probably mention that I used up 1 and a half hours just to kill a boss in FF IV.

Solana Beach Station

When I reached LA, it was already 9 am in the morning and I took a Fly Away Bus leading to LAX. That itself already took a good half hour and I was hungry like anything (I ate my breakfast at about 4 am in the morning). Went to the Korean Air counter and well, to cut it short, I got back my passport without breaking a sweat.

Fastforward... I got back to San Diego around 2 pm and this time, I was wiser in choosing my seating. I got the one facing to the sea and the view was gorgeous. Had to thank you Ken for the songs you spared me! Glad that my iPod is no longer J-pop exclusive! When I got back to Elena's brother's home, I was already beaten up and with the jet lag and all, I went straight to bed without any further contemplation.

Evening was the best. After a nice nap, it was time again to get some grub and I was glad that we chose to eat out instead of eating last nite's leftover spaghetti. And this time it was Japanese food. ^_^

Seriously, hands down (hands up and sideways as well) the ramen that I had here is the best that I have ever savored in my entire life. Goes to show that you can't make Japanese food both good and halal at the same time (for those really blur about Japanese food preparation, most of the ramen dashi broth contains rice wine -- and removing that from the recipe just immediately kills the whole recipe... also not to mention that making chicken chashu is blasphemy).

Elena's Chicken Teriyaki (the portion is frightening, no?)

My Miso Chashu Ramen... Hontou ni oishii desu yo!

I was also glad that the restaurant that we went to offered Asian portions. Elena on the other hand was more gung-ho, she attempted the larger Western portion.

After all the eating, we decided to go to the Taiwanese market. Truthfully, this is the most EVIL place that I have ever been to. I'm asking myself now, why did I even bother to 'smuggle' in so many things from Malaysia when I can get the all here. Baka!!!

Pondan cake anyone?

O_o

Later throughout the evening, we went to La Jolla Beach. I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Doing some aerobics, I suppose?

Some rare Muslim tourists

Aileen Kua (Elena's in-law), Jeremy Kua (Elena's Bro), and Elena

Well, that is that. I'm heading off to Texas tomorrow morn. Hope I don't lose my passport again. I'm really looking forward to seeing old friends and whipping up some wicked Bak Kut Teh once I reach there!

PS: Totally random but Sim, I'm totally missing your hair!!!

Malaysia Within America

2008-08-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

Aside from my fluke of dropping my passport in the airport, I'm faring pretty well despite the fact that I'm currently jet lagging with a slight nausea. Well, well, just want to post a few pictures of interest. Here's some photos of the food in a Malaysian restaurant in Los Angeles called Belacan Grill. I happen to order a plate of Char Kuay Teow while Elena took on the Nasi Lemak. Don't even start with the prices -- they're an abomination!

Mine of course. No shrimps, lunch set with fried popiah. 8 USD.

Nasi Lemak USA?

Utterly an American invention, no doubt about it.

Food wise, it's no way as close to the ones we have in Malaysia. Even the worst Char Kuay Teow tastes better than the one here. Oh well, you really can't blame them for substituting fresh kuay teow with those dried nonsense variety -- but it makes all the difference having fresh kuay teow. As for the nasi lemak, Elena seems to like it, though I think it's for a very different reason other than the fact that it is supposedly 'Malaysian' food. Maybe she's just plain sick with Korean food in the airplane.

Fancy porridge with green tea? I feel like vomiting already.

Well, I guess that's enough to spoil my palate for tomorrow. I have my passport to worry about too, so food is not a priority anytime soon. Meh.

Travel Tip No 1: Never Lose Sight of Your Passport

2008-08-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

What a genius that I am! I happen to have dropped my passport on my way out from LAX. Just when I thought that all the traveling was over, I'm baffled with the fact that I'm passportless. Thankfully, Elena's brother, Jeremy had an email saying that my passport is in the confines of the Korean Air office. Well, other than that, it's just the whole chore of going back to LAX that irks me the most. It's a 2 hour journey from San Diego to Los Angeles and not only that, I'm tired, nauseated and dehydrated. I'm EMOing right now. Dear God, why am I so dumb at times?

Walk Down Memory Lane

2008-08-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

Just a few months ago, I walked down that narrow escalator leading to the customs security check. And it was just mere hours ago that I walked down that same escalator, bidding goodbye to friends I won't be able to see (and join for Mamak) for another year.

The tale of a guy who studies overseas... how tragic, if you think about it. Yet again, if I didn't go to the US in the first place, I wouldn't have turned out the way I am right now.

Nonetheless, I can't believe that summer break flew just like that and I cannot believe that I'm in Korea again for the third time of my life! And Elena's sick (but she's OK)...

Christina, I wished you were here!

It's rainy here and I have to say that it's been fun being back in Malaysia. Totemo, totemo tanoshii katta desu yo! And I'm glad for the mischief of surprising people with how I currently look like too. Uh, actually, I kinda got in trouble in the airport when I was about to board the plane. The flight officers asked me if I was using another person's passport. Haha, thank God that the mole on my nose was noticeable even in my passport photo.

As for now, I'm just going to sit around just spamming other people's c-box like babi. See y'all next year! 15 CGs, (Simon) Sim and I'll come back with vengence!

PS: Please pray for Elena. Airsickness is not the best thing to contract during times like these.

Thank God For Patient Mothers

2008-08-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

OK, my last day here in Malaysia this year. Woke up at 7.30 am after sleeping at 2 in the morning. One word to describe me today: EMO. Yup, as much as you don't want to mess with the Zohan, you don't want to mess with me today. I'm grumpy, tired and annoyed. Coupled with the thought of going back to US, it's easy to conclude that all of these negative emotions could actually manufacture an atomic bomb.

So, thank God for Mom who was patient with me today. I wouldn't be half as prepared to depart if not for her stuffing me up with Bak Kut Teh and neslo ice this morning. You just can't deny it -- God's greatest gift is the gift of having a Mom.

Haven't Really Left, Now I'm Leaving

2008-08-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

Looking back, the experience of leaving Malaysia again to the US now is far more emotional than it was the first time I sojourned. Though I've experienced it before, I realized that now it's even harder to leave home. The last time was easy -- much easier. I was a nobody, so saying goodbye was not that difficult but now, after really knowing people around me and allowing people to penetrate through me, it really changes the whole game.

Says a lot, doesn't it? (Ii Shan, why are your eyes closed!!??)

I never really left Malaysia last time. Now I'm really leaving. I really thank God that the 4 months that I was in US changed me and now I truly know how to appreciate Malaysia. Yeah, so to Adeni and my life group in US, thanks for praying for me.

O_o

Mission accomplished: I've grown closer to my home church and opened myself to love and to be loved.

Best Mamak experience this year!

To my brothers-and-sisters-in-Christ of SJGC, I LOVE Y'ALL!!!!

Monotonous

2008-08-07T03:37:00.000-07:00

I was just in the Summit the other day bowling with a bunch of friends. It just happened that I took notice of two workers wearing T shirts, bearing a bold "May I Come Closer". To add insult to injury, these workers were forced to strap themselves with those seriously ridiculous wear-on-the-waist contraptions as if they were not already buff enough (No, actually I take that back, they looked buff but upon closer inspection, those devices perhaps are worn to hide their bulging tummies... Oh well, Ogawa need their workers to demonstrate how its device works, no?).

But what that happen to annoy me were those adverts that kept on repeating itself over and over again, droning into my mind. It was always the same 2 minute-ish advert screened upon a 20 inch TV in front of the tiny shop lot blaring away, in Mandarin, the benefits of the massage chair. Well, if it's bad enough for people walking around the shopping complex, just imagine how much worse it is for these two blokes with weird machines strapped on their waist and wearing T shirts that imply they have HIV while listening to the same advert replying itself every 2 minutes for a possible 8-10 hours of their job every single day? (No wonder the Ogawa of Subang Parade got rid of the ad and opted instead for a PS2)

I just hope that when I think about the monotonousity of life, I would try remember these two Ogawa workers.

Closer to You

2008-08-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

I suppose it early to call it a day and throw in the towel, as if waking up in the morning spells life-is-meaningless. For all the things that I do, I thank God that He has been patient with me and His grace abounds even at times when I'm not seeking Him. Ironically, most of the times when I'm on that dry and barren 'spiritual' land, He draws nearer to me in unexpected ways -- constantly reminding me that even though I don't feel His presence, He has not forgotten about me.

Joshua 1:9
The LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Closing A Chapter

2008-07-29T05:13:00.000-07:00

2 Timothy 4:7-8
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

2 Timothy 2:1-5
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules.

1 Corinthians 9:24
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Sometimes, I feel like I give people a wrong impression that I like running. Well, yeah, it's fun in a way and when the adrenaline kicks in, it feels like you're in a high. However, after what Auntie Sweeny said in church, I'm suddenly reminded of how painful running can be despite the adrenaline, especially when you know 'you have another 30 km to go and your body aches due to the lactic acid buildup'. It's so easy to give up the race because it's the easier way out. Our body cries to be rid of its misery and it's certainly tempting to give up our prize for a little temporary self-gratification.

Similarly, many a thing in life is comparable with running, not just the marathon race of faith. For me, I suppose my current penchant for staying back in Malaysia has become a bane for me. I know my goal is to complete my studies in the US and yet I'm being held back -- pulled away. There's a part of me that just wants to give it all up and forget about my prize.

Yet, as I ran today in my usual half-hour run around SS18, I realized that it's worth to ignore the pleas of the lactic acid. I was half-dead trying to reach my halfway point and realizing that I have another mile to go, but I persevered and finished my run -- and it felt good! It might be far easier to give up halfway through the course but what do I gain? I'll only end up regretting for doing so.

Tonight, I'm making a resolution. I've decided to close this chapter of my life on the day I leave Malaysia in two weeks time. ~~Yes, Simon, I agree, it's not like I'm not going to see y'all again, right?~~ I need to move on. I need to get my life on the track again. Summer vacation is over for me and I’m going to accept that. It has been fun being around in Malaysia but I’ve got some business to settle. Can’t be letting my feelings to dictate me around. It’s not easy but I’m going to persevere. God thank you so much for always being with me! (Joshua 1:9)

A Little Translation

2008-07-27T18:12:00.001-07:00

Well, for all you people who can't read Japanese or understand the kanji, well, the title of my blog reads: Tabibito no Monogatari (Traveler's Story). The description on the other hands reads: Bouken desho? (ano, eto, a little hard to translate but rough translation goes like "Adventure?")

Tonikaku, to all you new to my new banana kaijuu (banana monster) blog, let me welcome y'all with a big IRASSHAIMASE!!!

More Than Being EMO

2008-07-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

I've recently grown unwilling to share with others what I truly feel and go through nowadays. Well, I'm not just talking about being EMO and that sort of shallow trials that everyone has to endure but I'm also talking about feeling hopeless and despair when faced with a situation you know that doesn't have any solution. I won't go as to disclose what I'm currently going through but I'll only say that I'm utterly depressed and I'm too proud to admit my problems. You know what the Chinese says, right? It's better to shed blood than to shed tears. Perhaps, I don't want to share my pain because I believe that there are other people out there in worse positions to complain and yet are not able to do so. So, I'm already quite presumptuous to be even talking about what I'm going through.

What, Just Two More Weeks Left? You've Got to Be Kidding!

2008-07-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

Woah, I'm so utterly shocked when I checked out the calendar. I can't believe I only have just barely more than two weeks left in Malaysia before flying off to the US. Such cruelty. Well oh well, it's that time again that we've got to leave behind our comfort zone and trust in God that everything is going to be OK. Can't help it that I'm a little reluctant to budge.

Traveler's Story

2008-07-27T01:45:00.000-07:00

Frankly, I've never really enjoyed traveling. I don't hate traveling per se, I just don't like the journey of going to another place. Hence, I'd rather sit down in my comfy home than to endure hours of lying wasted in the cushioned seat of a bus or airplane. Then again, after the initial phase of the journey is over (i.e. the getting-there phase, as I call it), there's great joy, not only rejoicing in the fact that the bus ride or flight is over, but also the adventures awaiting to be experienced.

Yes, I was reluctant to move from my LiveJournal blog to Blogspot but now that I've exhausted myself in getting this chore done, I'm ready to plunge myself back into writing incessantly.