When Leaves Fall in Autumn

Down, down, down, one by one, the leaves fall down,

Everything is stripped apart, brown with frown.

Walking on the sideway thinking of Fall,

When beauty untainted walked fair with God,

Till folly chokes her to the depths writes Paul,

And now we thread aimlessly as we plod.

Down, down, down, one by one, the leaves fall down,

Everything is stripped apart, none with crown.

Falling into the nothingness, I pray,

When the cold chill slowly creeps in and drags

The leaves down, do we not too go astray?

Down on the ground, we're nothing but soiled rags.

Down, down, down, one by one, the leaves fall down,

Nothing is left, all is waiting to drown.

Nothing more than the warmth of an embrace
I long as I stared at the falling leaves,
Asking, seeking for any sign of grace,
Can there be such a man our grief relieves?

日記第一

先セメ、僕はジャズ・マランカといっしょにレッドダートチャレンジをやりました。そのイベントはトライアスロンでした。そのチャレンジに三つのうんどうがありました。トライアスロンをやる日、チャレンジで、入るみんなが２マイルはしって、７マイルカヤックをして、３マイルじてんしゃをのらなければなりませんでした。そのイベントのきょうぎの中では、カヤックをするのがいちばん楽しかったと思います。

チャレンジするため、やりたい人が一人のパートナーを見つけなければなりませんでした。僕はそのイベントに入りたいけど、だれも僕のパートナーにならなかったので、レッドダートチャレンジをやれなかった。だけど、そのまえの日、ジャズのパートナーがびょうきになった。ですから、ジャズがチャレンジをまだやりたければ、あたらしいパートナーを見つけなければなりませんでした。そして、僕はジャズがパートナーがほしいって聞いた時、ジャズにそのことをすぐ話しました。

そのあと、僕はジャズのパートナーになりました。チャレンジの日、７時におきて、僕はジャズといっしょに車でバッフォローギャップという町に行きました。チャレンジでじてんしゃにのるため、僕たちも自分のじてんしゃを持って行きました。そのばしょにいくのに、３０分かかりました。それから、イベントのところにつくまえ、僕はそのトライアスロンで力が出るように、僕はジャズに食べ物を食べさせられました。

げんじつに、そのイベントは僕のはじめてのトライアスロンでした。チャレンジにはいるまえ、いつもびょうきになったり、つかれたり、よわくなったりしました。それでも、僕はじつりょくをたしかめたいので、そのイベントをやりたかった。

１０時ぐらいに、チャレンジがはじまりました。僕とジャズがしょしんしゃだったから、どんどん僕たちはいちばんうしろにちかづいてしまいました。だけど、あきらめないで、僕たちはそのレースでさいぜんをつくしました。じてんしゃにのっている時、きゅうなおかでじてんしゃをはやくこいでいたので、僕はじてんしゃからおちてけがをしました。その時に、ジャズが僕のうしろにいたのでどうやって僕がおちたのかを全部しっていました。ジャズによると、じてんしゃからおちる時、はじめに、僕はじてんしゃから上にとびました。ころんだあと､ かおとひざをひどくけがしました。本当に、その時がいちばんこわっかたです。おちるまえ、僕は落ちるのがわかったから、神様におもしろく日本語で「神様、たすけてくれ！」とさけびました。その時、ぼくは死ぬと思っていた。でも、僕のかおが土についたあと、ぼくのめがねがこわれないように、神がぼくをたすけてくれました。やっぱり、もし僕のめがねがこわれたら、今日ぼくはもうもくの人になったかもしれない。

それから、ジャズがむりょくな僕をてつだってくれて、きゅうきゅうしゃをよんでくれました。その時、僕の体がいたくなったり、ひざも血が出ていたり、かおがすべて血で覆われていたりしました。しかし、きゅうきゅうしゃがはやく来てくれて、僕はかんしゃしました。きゅうきゅうしゃから出て来た二人のやさしいきゅうきゅうたいいんが、僕をきゅうきゅうしゃにはこびました。中で、かれらが僕をかいふくさせながら、僕といろいろなことをしゃべっていました。一人のきゅうきゅうたいいんはかんたんに僕のきずにほうたいをまきながら、僕とじょうだんを言いあっていました。その人の名前はブッシュだから、はじめに僕に会った時、僕に「わしはアメリカのだいとうりょうです。お会いできてこうえいです。」と言っていました。まだ僕がこんらんしていたので、かれによわく「よろしく。」と言いました。１５分たったあと、かれらは僕のほうたいをまきおわりました。その時、僕がきゅうに元気になって、自分で立つことができて、なおりそうだったから、レースをさいごまでやりとげたかった。でも、きゅうきゅうたいいんたちが僕に「あなたはレースをやめて、やすんだほうがいいです」って言ったけど、まだ僕はチャレンジをやりとげるつもりでした。僕がいためたから、ふつうのじょうきょうでレースをおわるようにきょかしてもらえなかったけど、まだ僕たちはチャレンジをできました。僕はきゅうきゅうたいいんたちに「レースをやりとげたいんです」と言っている時、僕の顔がまじめだったから、かれらが僕にチャレンジをつづけさせてくれたのかもしれない。ジャズも僕をおうえんしてくれたので、レースをやりとげること、がんばってみたかった。それで、ゆっくりじてんしゃにのって、チャレンジができました。チャレンジはむずかしくていたかったけど、僕たちがさいごまでさいぜんをつくしてよかった。
もし一つまなんだことがあるとすれば、それは僕の人生がむずかしくても、僕はあきらめない人ということです。僕は神様といっしょにいることもまなびました。

What Sim Could Have Been Thinking About If He Had to Write Something On the Spot

I wrote this paper just a while ago. Yet, I can't get around the fact that Simon has impacted me in such a way that I can actually write such an ingenuous prose. So, kudos to Sim, my "cape crusader"!

What is the Gospel?

Imagine being a sidekick of a superhero. Imagine the fame, glory and honor for being able to participate alongside Batman in the action of saving Gotham City. Do halt pondering about the metaphor immediately if you are thinking about the ludicrous red velvety tights Robin wears. Unfortunately, such a figurative manner of portraying the gospel has its limits. Then again, by using this approach, a reasonable, yet fresh, understanding of the gospel can be observed. So, if God is the hero and those who have responded to the gospel are God’s sidekicks, the gospel can then be fully comprehended as an invitation in partaking in the mission of God’s kingdom. Thus, the good news becomes a verb in the present continuous tense, rather than just a product that guarantees salvation if accepted at a certain point in life. Nonetheless, many church-going, Bible-believing Christians are more inclined to take the latter definition of the good news, probably writhing at the thought of becoming God’s Robin. After all, who in the right of mind wants to wear such a tight and humiliating outfit? Anyway, aside from the crude humor, perhaps modern Christians are so indoctrinated with the “product gospel” because the modern church has so codified the gospel in the consumerist language. This obviously also results in the good news of Jesus Christ becoming a doctrine about the “I” pronoun, rather than being about what God has done. After all, do we not hear in church that the good news is about “my” salvation, “my” baptism and “my” Jesus?

Sadly, we have replaced the cover of every Batman comic with that of Robin’s images. Such a thought only brings chills to one’s back, especially if it has to do with Robin’s ridiculous costume. Yet, it is the truth. For what God desires is, through His gospel, a partnership with humanity – He is the hero and we are his sidekick. Nonetheless, the postmodern and post-enlightenment good news has been degraded to the point that God has no place in it anymore. Even if He does have a room in such a gospel, He is still almost always not the focal point of it. Much worse, God acts like a puppet king, whereby we act as his ventriloquist, mouthing words as if they are the actual words of God. For instance, many Christians often have their preconceived ideas about the gospel, and to justify their opinions, they make it seem as if their message is in accordance to the Bible.

Perhaps, we might have jumped a little ahead of what the gospel, in its simplistic form, means. Despite the tying in with the hero-sidekick mythos, the gospel is still about the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Thus, without Jesus, there is no good news. Nevertheless, the gospel is not just about what God has done through Jesus. There is a choice to be made after the gospel is presented. Either one rejects it or one accepts it. There are no maybes here. If one chooses to accept the good news, that person is essentially joining with Christ in His mission of opening the eyes of the blind, of freeing the captives from prison and the releasing of those who sit in the dungeon of darkness.

Of course, this partnership is also hinted at in the wedding feast of the Lamb in Revelation. Here, the church, the bride of Christ, celebrates and participates with her Bridegroom. The wedding feast is not depicted as a Christ-only affair. It is the merry-making with the Church – an act of cooperation. Similarly, when Jesus promises the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, He is talking about the Christian individual working together with God. Thus, the good news of Jesus Christ is not merely about God alone, or humankind alone. It is a beautiful picture of the coming together of the Divine and His people in a oneness – a dance, one might even add – never thought possible. Without one or the other, the good news sounds vain and is no different from the other world religions. In any case, Christ has not left us with that definition. That only brings back the metaphor of Batman and his sidekick, the leader and his assistant swashbuckling through the darkness of Gotham City. It really does make so much sense to picture Christ as Batman and the church as Robin, does it not?

Much Ado About Nothing

Yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't been really blogging much. I suppose, with the amount of work I do these days, I'm basically much ado about nothing. Ah well, the life on an English major, or otherwise known as a paper-writing machine. Here's my newest addition to my repertoire of essays (sigh):

The Neighbor According to Jesus

Perhaps one of the most illustrious parables of Jesus, the parable of the Good Samaritan is found only within the Gospel of Luke. In the 10^th chapter, beginning with the 25^th verse, Jesus is confronted with a question by an “expert of the Law,” who asks, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Instead of giving the answer, Jesus throws back the question to the lawyer, who in turn answers his own inquiry. Drawing his response from the Torah, or the Law, the expert responds, “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'” Jesus, then, commands the man to do similarly. However, to justify himself, the expert again queries Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” In reaction, Jesus begins to tell the man a parable, the parable we now dub the parable of the Good Samaritan. In his story, Jesus talks about a man, who came from Jerusalem, and is heading to Jericho. On the journey, a band of robbers comes into the scene, beats the traveler up, steals his possessions and leaves him to die. Subsequently, a Jewish priest comes by the same road; sees the injured man, and passes by the other side. Next a religious Levite treads around the place, and does the same as the priest. Finally, a Samaritan turns up, and upon seeing the man, the readers are told that he bandages and cleans the half-dead man, and takes him to an inn to recover. Of course, the Samaritan’s benevolence is further demonstrated as he pays, also, the bills of the wounded person. After finishing with the parable, Jesus again asks the Torah expert, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The lawyer answers, “The one who had mercy on him.” Then, Jesus charges the man to do likewise. (The New International Version, Luke 10.25-37)

From the reading of the passage, it is clear that the Law requires its adherers to love their neighbors, implying that the neighbor is the object of the act of love. However, Jesus’ view of the neighbor does not just encompass the traditional perspective. Rather, he challenges, if not redefines, what a neighbor should be to his listeners. Thus, through the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus includes that a neighbor is not only a person who is in need, but also one who is different from us and simultaneously, us.

Firstly, in the parable, in accordance to the Law, the injured man can definitely fit into a definition of a neighbor. After all, he is the recipient of the mercy dispensed by the Samaritan. This certainly matches with the Random House Dictionary’s definition of the word neighbor, “one’s fellow human being,” as the Samaritan shows mercy to an equal species, the injured traveler. Yet, one may question why Jesus’ parable ends up with the Samaritan as the neighbor instead of the beaten-up traveler. Assuming that Jesus has not misheard the expert’s question, one can either witness Jesus as he detangles a common stereotype, or conclude that he has no shred of intelligence to come up with an adequate answer. However, for the sake of a purposeful evaluation, let us assume the former, and discard the latter (with no hint of regret, lest the reader turns into a pillar of salt). As such, Jesus is not trying to undermine the traditional view of one’s neighbor. On the contrary, he desires instead to unravel the often times clouded, misled and discriminatory perception of who a neighbor can also be.

Since the neighbor is the Samaritan, rather than a Jew, it can be implied that Jesus is hinting that the neighbor can also include a person who is different, perhaps even despised. Of course, Jesus’ tactics in proving his point can be argued against. Obviously, it is only Jesus who can set up such an elaborate trap, which requires the poor lawyer to choose the Samaritan as the only suitable answer to his own question. Even then, the expert fails to utter the word Samaritan, only able to pronounce weakly, “the one who had mercy.” This indirectly reveals his discrimination of the reviled half-Jewish inhabitants of Samaria. From the subtle example, one can unquestionably observe the expert’s intolerance of a person dissimilar from him. Therefore, when Jesus portrays the Samaritan as the neighbor, he is essentially jabbing at the man’s prejudice of someone or something different from him. Furthermore, to compliment his point, Jesus depicts the Samaritan as helping a non-Samaritan – an act of showing love to a stranger. Doing so, Jesus is helping the lawyer to see beyond his discrimination, and recognize that a neighbor too can be the one he hates.

Finally, as Jesus commands the expert of the law to “do likewise,” he is also implying that the man should be a neighbor like the Samaritan. In other words, Jesus means that the neighbor is us, as well. This certainly ties well with another definition of “neighbor” found in the Random House Dictionary, “a person who shows kindliness or helpfulness toward his or her fellow humans.” When the lawyer asks the question about the identity of his neighbor, his intent lies in his desires to hear an answer from Jesus that he can easily digest. Thus, his motivation to is to show that he has done all he can to love such a person. However, instead of addressing the lawyer’s issues of the neighbor’s identity, Jesus points back to him, almost as if accusing him, “Have you yourself been a neighbor to others?” Then, he commands the man to be a neighbor, just like the Samaritan, who shows mercy in the parable. So, in this case, Jesus desires that we should be neighbors to others.

Thus, it is irrefutable that, according to Jesus, a definition of a neighbor transcends stereotypical beliefs and personal prejudices. On the wide spectrum, Jesus offers his view of a neighbor, that he is not only a person we are able to love, but also includes our enemy, while at the same time being ourselves. Apparently, the conclusion of who should be our neighbor ends up differently from what is expected. Such a feat is nothing less from Jesus, who is intentional in not mouthing out clichés. On the contrary, the Lion of Judah is aggressively out to take captive a people to make into critical thinkers.

When It Was All Over

When it was over and they could talk about it
She said there's just one thing I have got to know
What in that moment when you were running so hard and fast
Made you stop and turn for home
He said I always knew you loved me even though I'd broken your heart
I always knew there'd be a place for me to make a brand new start

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us

- From: Sara Groves, Add to Beauty

A Structuralist's Critique of Optimus "Past-His" Prime

The city in smokes, ruined, with all hope sapped out. The scene, gleaming in hues of brown, red and black amidst the gray-covered sky, paints a picture of despair. In the midst of the destruction, the coup de grâce that will ultimately squeeze all remaining expectation of deliverance is issued: “Constructicons merge for the kill!” Six identifiable robots subsequently emerged, and combines into the monster robot, Devastator. The behemoth, then, approaches the last remaining fortress of the Autobots, the “good guys.” Announcing, “Prepare for the extermination,” in a gruff voice, Devastator begins his destruction – slamming and breaking the city into rubble. Nothing seems as bleak as this opening scene in the 1986 animated movie, The Transformers: the Movie. Yet, just as everything appears as if the Decepticons, the “bad guys,” are winning, a spacecraft descends from out of the blue sky, as if signifying hope. A grand red-colored robot, then, descends into the war-torn city. Transforming into the celebrated red industrial truck, the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime exclaims, “Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost.” Coupled with the heroism, the background song The Touch raises a banner of glory, declaring aloud, “You got the touch! You got the power!” Cutting through the enemy line without much of an effort, Prime easily immobilizes his enemies. Drums rolling, he finally faces off, one-on-one, with his arch nemesis, Megatron, the merciless leader of the Decepticons. A fight ensues, where both robots are shown to be equals in strength, power and determination. Nonetheless, Megatron is soundly defeated. With his gun pointing at Megatron, who is begging mercy from Prime, Prime replies half-mockingly, “You who have showed no mercy now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner steel!” Unknowingly to Prime, Megatron is actually trying to inch his way to a gun stashed under a pile of wreckage. Before the villain grasps the gun, a newbie Autobot rookie tries to jump in to stop him, only to become a hostage. Unable to fire at Megatron, Prime is shot at numerous times, sending him to his knees. To top it off, the antagonist nears the hero, tossing aside his hostage, and sneers, “I could have waited for an eternity for this, and it’s now over Prime.” With the last of his strength, Prime swings unexpectedly at the weakened Megatron, responding to the Decepticon, “Never!” Falling down to the bottom from where he fought with Prime, Megatron, now looking like scrap metal, is cowardly collected by the fleeing Decepticons. Though the Decepticons are defeated, the loss of the Autobots is tremendous. This is especially so when Prime dies in the movie, a sign of a true veteran hero.

According to the Merriam Webster Online dictionary, a hero is defined as a legendary male warrior endowed with “great strength or ability,” renowned for his “achievements and noble qualities.” Though helpful, a dictionary’s definition of a hero is, tragically, redundant, especially in today’s day and age where action movies pass here and by. Therefore, it is no longer surprising that a common layman with no surplus training in English can just as easily characterize what an action hero is without a dictionary. From action films such as Diehard, Spiderman, Indiana Jones and etc., it is apparent that the main protagonist is nearly almost represented as possessing an almost god-like strength, and then goes through a series of hurdles, of which he will, in the end, overcome. Of course, the most important trait of an action hero is that he is revered. Thus, it is clear that the animated movie’s Optimus Prime, portrayed as a self-sacrificing, courageous and fearless leader, with no hint of dim-wittedness or casual humor, is the action hero of the movie.

However, in 2007, movie director, Michael Bay released his live-action Transformers film. Instead of sticking to the character canon of Optimus Prime, Bay reinvents the robot. His reimagining of Prime is not only limited to the welcomed redesign of the overall machine’s appearance, but also in the subtle changes of his personality in the blockbuster. Unfortunately, the director should have kept his hands off from an attempt to renew the hero’s character. Instead of making Prime epic in the movie, to the chagrin of loyal fanatics, Bay’s version of the robot appears weak, bumbling, and ultimately not the hero of the motion picture.

Although Prime looks astounding in the recent film, his character is, unfortunately, incompetent. In the almost anti-climatic final battle scene, Prime is pitted against Megatron to a death match. Again and again, Prime succumbs into Megatron’s endless attacks, unable to hold his ground. Perhaps the director desires to show the audience just how desperate the war against the Decepticons is. Possibly still, Bay wants to highlight the terror of Megatron as the ultimate villain – after all, the Devil needs to have enough power to challenge God. So, in order to artificially convey his story, the director attributes much strength to Megatron – maybe a tad too much. Furthermore, he does it at the expense of Prime’s chief characteristic: his ability to triumph against evil. A real Prime is one that can square off against his arch-nemesis, even if the battle can be long drawn, and still emerges as the victor. Thus, there is no evidence that the recent film’s Autobot leader is a genuine Prime, much less the hero. To further tarnish the Prime’s role, the one who actually deactivates Megatron, towards the end, is none other than the excruciatingly insignificant human character, Sam Witwicky.

Secondly, Prime in Bay’s film is, sadly, shown to be a clumsy leader (if one could even call him that). After arriving from space, Prime is taken to Witwicky’s home, where he and his equally blundering allies are inevitably depicted as trashing the outdoor garden into ruins. Apologizing to Witwicky, another uncharacteristic quality the movie’s Prime suffers from, the head of the Autobots cries, “My bad.” Talk about appalling lines! What more, such a script reserved for the legendary Prime! It is as if the live-action Prime is devoid of his once lavish, yet valiant, dialogues. Such a line only serves to erode what little admiration the audiences have left for Prime. What a terrible injustice committed against the series’ fans as they watched writhingly their childhood hero suddenly appear in the limelight with a sort of amnesia.

Finally, Prime in this recent film is not even the hero of his own show. To further add insult to injury, the Autobot leader in the film needs to depend on Witwicky, to vanquish the nemesis. Moreover, sounding even more absurd, the teenager pronounces death by simply inserting a piece of metal, the Allspark, into the chest of the enemy. Such a conclusion suggests as if all the damages that Prime has sustained in battling Megatron are in vain. Why did Prime even bother risking his life to defend the humans when it just takes a skinny adolescent to easily end the war? Going along this line, one can also conclude that the movie should rather be titled “Sam Witwicky” rather than “Transformers.” In fact, Prime in the movie can even be renamed as Optimus Past-His-Prime. If Witwicky is the main hero, the appearances of the Prime, even the Autobots, has unexpectedly become superfluous, unnecessary and, like a death blow, irrelevant.

Regrettably, the character, Optimus Prime is not properly represented as an action hero in Bay’s theatrical adaptation of the Transformers. Instead of being the ultimate victor, the brave leader and the hero of the film, Prime is reduced into nothing more than just a stage prop sarcastically labeled as “Optimus Prime,” debilitated and castrated. Will there be a day when the Hero will rise from the ashes?

A Plea for a Friend

O Gracious Father, You who hear our prayers,
Listen to our pleas for Hebe, Dear Lord,
God, heal her, free her from the devil's snares,
Lead her, guide her, show her Your grace is poured
For her, Your Son Jesus her burden bears.

Though broken she lies, you will wipe her tears,
For death has been defeated. Peace you give,
As not the world gives, that vain not the jeers
You suffered, sin still smothers us captive.

Yet, Jesus rose from death, our cries He hears.

Lord, come, as this prayer falls on Your ears,
O Holy Ghost who groans inaudibly
Will you quell not, Your child, Hebe from fears?
We trust You are with her no less subtly,
As one we resound our "Amens" and cheers.

A Dedication toTrue Friends

A toast to Simon and Ken!

What I Thought I Wanted

Tuxedo in the closet, gold band in a box
Two days from the altar she went and called the whole thing off
What he thought he wanted, what he got instead
Leaves him broken and grateful

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that’s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted

Staring in the water like Esops foolish dog
I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

I’m broken and grateful
I want to be broken and grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful

(Sara Groves, The Other Side of Something, 2004)

Mass-Produced Mission Trip Summary

“It’s not about me,” a declaration neatly written on Steve’s T-shirt, is what I can say about our 1 month-long internship with the Urban Ministry. Just as much as going there is a story of our planning, agreements and disagreements, what we have learned there, and of the impact we have had on the kids, I believe it is equally, if not completely, God’s story spoken, written and impressed through the three of us: Elena Kua Soo Li, Josephine Wong Chung Wai, and See Huang Lim.

I came to Minnesota for a Spring Break Campaign last March organized by ACU, the university I study in. What I thought to be something menial became my salvation – the theory of Jesus’ redemption on the cross made real. Coming from a difficult life in Malaysia, having to suffer for being a Christian and growing up in a broken family, I questioned God and my faith. There in Minnesota, what I considered to be a bane is redeemed. My pains, struggles, and sufferings are known by God and are used by Him to illustrate His faithfulness.

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” John 15:16

Just what are the chances of an ordinary guy from Malaysia who has gone through what he has gone through coming to Minnesota to share his testimony to a group of fellow South East Asians who have gone and are going through similar situations? Now, I no longer look back to the past and feel depressed anymore. I know indeed that I have been redeemed, and that my past is no longer something I hide, but it is transformed into a precious treasure I now use to declare God’s grace.

Indeed, God’s grace is infectious. Back in ACU, God has already set within my heart to serve the Hmong again (1 week in St. Paul is never enough). Slowly, as I shared with my friends about how God has worked in my life, God began to draw them to desire serving alongside me with the Urban Ministry. The very first who expressed this desire is none other than the girl whom I courted some 5 months ago, Soo Li. Recently recommitting her life again to God, Soo Li’s desired to serve the ministry in order to challenge her lapse faith.

The other is Josephine, whom I consider my “Ka Cheh,” or Big Sis in Cantonese. Looking for an internship that will fulfill her social work degree’s internship requirements, Jo, as I affectionately call her, became interested with the work done through the ministry. However, Jo could not confirm with us whether she could join us as she needed the green light from her professors. It took her a few months before her professors actually approved her desire to fulfill her internship requirements through serving with the Urban Ministry. Getting her professors to agree proved hard and required a lot of prayers.

Nonetheless, everything did not fall into place at first. We did not know about every minute detail of how to get things done in order for us to serve there. The list of worries is insurmountable: transport, funds, Jo, etc. Yet, looking back now, I can testify that God gave us the wisdom to take one thing at the time, providing for us throughout our planning period.

Indeed, when we raised our funds for this internship by cooking, we only hoped to receive about $200-300. Try to guess how much we funds we raised in the end? We got in total more than $700 each time we fundraised.

So, God provided us the funds. Now, we had to decide our mode of transportation. I suggested to Soo Li that we should go there by car. Both of us do not own a car, and how in the world are we able to find one in time for the internship? Lo and behold, Soo Li’s out-of-the-country roommate, Miriam, agreed to lend us her car for the internship.

What about Jo? As I have mentioned, we prayed a lot for her. At first, we received nothing but bad news from her professors. About a few weeks before leaving for Minnesota, while Soo Li and I are still in Malaysia, Jo confirmed with us that her professors finally agreed to allow her to come with us.

The last worry we had dealt with the car insurance. Trust me; we went all over in search for an insurance company which will insure our car. None. We wanted to just quit and look up to the internet for cheap flight tickets. And then a friend recommended us to try State Farm. So, we decided to just try out State Farm, and we went there. Just as we are on way, a lady from the company suddenly called us to inform us that she wants us to come by her office. We are just on the way to her office, we told her. Sure enough, State Farm is a godsend, the only company willing to insure our car. Before we left, the lady introduced us to her colleague, a Korean American. Interestingly, when we told her we are going up north to serve the Hmong, she blurted out that she is married to a Laotian, suggesting that her husband is Hmong. What a coincidence!

Truth be told, everything came into place by God’s grace. God chose the three of us, as He knew fit. And sure enough, all three of us had a role to play, evidently enough as we drove up to Minnesota. Both Soo Li and I are the drivers, while Jo played her part as the navigator. Being inexperienced drivers ourselves, we thank God that He provided us Jo to be our navigator. Sure enough, Jo is at her best as our navigator, helping us to drive without getting too lost on the way. While either one of us drive, the other driver takes a nap. Doing this allowed us to be alert, especially, both of us have never driver so far before, not to mention on the wrong side of the road (in Asia, we drive on the right side of the road). Without each other, I doubt that we could even get to Minnesota in one piece. So, it is really God’s providence that we actually arrived at Steve’s place at the midnight of the 9^th of last month.

Of course, our first week in St. Paul is basically just an exposure to what is done there. Soon, we are by ourselves, organizing activities and planning things to do with the kids. Despite our planning, I again learned that the things that will be done through are nothing than a bigger, grander and more elaborate plan of God. Of course, as I said before, all of us had our role to play. We saw how God used all three of us and all our different gifts to glorify Him.

Being the planner and teacher (as well as the treasurer) Soo Li helped direct the three of us, especially when it came to Thursday’s Kids Connection. She always made sure that there are fun games to play with the kids during the class with them. Jo, on the other hand, is adept at not just hospitality (cooking and the likes), but also in playing and talking with the kids. Jo is constantly reaching out to the kids, and trying to be their friend. Certainly, her big sister qualities benefitted her in this area. Of course, this is one of the few handfuls of things that Soo Li and Jo had done over there in Minnesota. The extent of what God has done through them is undeniable immense, of which you have to ask them to know.

As for me, I cooked some for the kids too and my kimchi-making skills made it possible to draw closer to some of the kids, like Shernia, who loves anything Korean. Yes, the three of us cook very often for the kids. During one of the devotional nights, we made Malaysian curry and rice for the kids. We could literally see the faces of the kids shinning, as if glittering as they take their respective plateful of curry rice. Furthermore, learning how to swim some two years ago had enabled me to get closer to some of the boys, as I taught them to how swim.

Indeed, God carefully chose each one of us – each with different personalities, talents and gifts – to reach out to the Hmong there. God has also constantly demonstrated that He is the chief planner in all of our plans. For instance, when we wanted to reach out to one of the girls, Mani, God instead brought us closer to Mani’s Mom and her brothers, of whom I exorcised from them the fear of water.

Even in camp, God showed Himself to meticulously place events in a way that will glorify Him. This is evident when both Soo Li and I went to the cafeteria for dinner and a girl called Fanny all of a sudden approached us, and talked to us. We did not know her, but she just started talking to us. After a while, I saw the Chinese character for love, ‘Ai,’ written on the back of her hand. Knowing the character, I instantly instructed her to fetch a piece of paper, of which I will later use to teach her the way of writing the character. It takes 13 strokes to write the character ‘Ai,’ I told her. After showing her how to write the character, I told her to get a Bible. Turn to 1^st Corinthians 13, I asked Fanny. I told her to read it. 1^st Corinthians 13 and 13 strokes to write the character ‘Ai’. I cannot describe to you how she looked that evening.

Later, she began telling me of her difficulty growing up, and of making wrong decisions in life. She told me that she wanted to know God, but gave me the excuse that “I can’t know Him when I hardly even know myself”. She even told me that God had been following her all the time, and she could feel His presence. Yet, with a yes comes a no, when she again gave me another excuse, “the Bible is just too hard to understand”. Without restrain, the Holy Spirit is already at work at that moment. At that moment, as if possessed, I sat down with her, looking straight at her in a serious manner, and told her, “You understood 1^st Corinthians 13, didn’t you?” She said yes, which only proved my point that the Bible can be understood if she would just choose to not listen to the lie that it is too metaphorical. Then, I told her my testimony, telling her that I came from a hard life, all of which necessary, all of which brought me to Minnesota, all of which if did not happen, would render the conversation with her impossible, and all of which happened in order for God to tell her that He is with her.

“Fanny,” I told her, “this conversation is not coincidence. As God has chased after you then, He is doing so NOW. If you want to know yourself, get to know God, as He knows you more than you know yourself. Think about what I’ve said. Remember that He loves you.”

By the time I am done, her eyes became slightly watery, and she walked away, without first giving me a hug. I do not know if she will become a Christian, but I do hope that she will remember that God is faithful, even in her unfaithfulness.

That night, another incident happened. This time, it is not good news. Judy, a Hmong girl with her three-year-old son Noah who is living with Shawna’s (Shawna is one of the urban ministers) parents in Texas, has gotten herself in trouble, the very same kind of problem that got her pregnant in the first place. What is worse is that in doing so, Judy had also neglected Noah. Obviously, Shawna became very saddened that night, and we prayed a lot for Judy that night. The next day, I decided to fast for Judy, and this is the first time I had ever fasted my entire life. With the faith the size smaller than that of a mustard seed, I fasted for Judy. The following day, God answered our prayers. A miracle happened. Judy called up Shawna’s parents and apologized. According to Shawna, Judy had never done that before, and doing so showed God at work.

Of course, God had also taught us a lot through the experience serving with the Urban Ministry. Apart from learning how to fish, I had opportunity to allow God to change my fear of children to love. Before this, I used to dislike children. Now, I cannot help feeling slightly depressed that I would not be able to see Tommy and Johnny, two of the kids that I have grown to love and cherish, for a while. Even Soo Li mentioned that I have changed in this area. While hiking, she told me that she found it heartwarming to see Mani’s brother, Ger, grasping my larger hand as we hiked together. Yes, Ger and Tou, Mani’s brothers have their place in my heart. Gosh, I feel like sobbing in the middle of the library now, thinking of little Ger hugging me so tightly after I told him I’ll be going back to Texas. Ah, the times I’d carry them around, chasing after them, and swinging them around… These are memories worth remembering.

God also used my relationship with Soo Li to His glory in this internship. One of the things we have learned ourselves from this relationship is that if we chose to honor God through this relationship, we can enjoy the relationship more than we can ever think about. Before Soo Li and I started our courtship, we agreed that we wanted to honor God through our relationship, that we wanted to be pure, and that we wanted to treat each other with the honor that we each deserve. We even prayed before starting our courtship. We started the relationship not with the motive to gratify our sexual needs, but with the serious intention of seeking God’s will for us, the possibility of marriage. With this in mind, we started our relationship, to seek God first and to grow in our friendship and commitment, and to slowly grow our romance. We also told each other that the relationship would naturally be hard, as we are different in personality and character. However, we agreed that we want to forgive one another just as Christ had forgiven us. Although our relationship has been has been hard the first few months, we saw just how real the forgiveness that Christ teaches about. At one time, we fought so badly that we did not talk to each other for the whole day. Yet, God brought me back to what we agreed the night we started our courtship: to forgive each other just as Christ had forgiven us. I went to Soo Li, and without bringing up the issue, I apologized. Since then, we have grown in our friendship and faith.

In relation to our internship, I believe God had selected both Soo Li and I specifically. Before we left, we wanted to spend time with two of the girls we are fond of, Mani and Bai. Of course, Mani, being the absent minded one had forgotten about our trip to the Mall of America. Yet, because she did not come, we are able to talk to Bai about the issue of dating. Of course, this again happened because God had been directing us from the very beginning. Without even bringing up her relationship with Sen, her boyfriend, we told Bai casually about our relationship. After sharing with her about our relationship, she told us about some of the things she isn’t proud of in her relationship with Sen. With God’s direction, we are able to talk with her about some of her “problems” and only gave her advice when she had asked for it. After the talk, she requested for us to pray for us. This conversation, again, would not have been possible without God.

Before leaving Minnesota, the three of us agreed to meet Judy on the way back to Abilene. So, we stopped by in Lubbock, Texas, just to see Judy. Meeting Shawna’s parents, they told us that Judy missed Hmong food. Almost like coincidence, the food she missed most is pho (pronounced fuh), beef noodle soup, which happened to be one of the few food I know how to make, after learning from Tommy and Johnny’s grandmother, Chue. So, we went around to get the ingredients for pho that afternoon, and in the evening, I taught Judy how to make pho, while Soo Li wrote down the recipe for her. That night, Judy downed her pho, and looked at the three of us happily, as if conveying a thank you without words. Trust me, Judy would not been so if I did not know how to make pho, and again, I attribute this “coincidence” to God.

Now that we are back in Abilene writing this, I am amazed at what God had done through us, and I hope all of you will also be amazed at the awesomeness of God. Things could have turned out very differently, but, now I can see that it is indeed God’s will for us to go to St. Paul in the first place. Each of us played a role, none more important than the other. Our past, our gifts, our relationships – all these, God has used to bring others closer to Him. God has indeed chosen the three of us very carefully, and sent us there to serve the Hmong we have come to love. This is the story of God sending three Asian ACU students to serve alongside a group of fellow Asians in St. Paul, Minnesota. Praise the Lord!

See Huang

PS: Although God has done so much in our lives through this internship, it became possible only after we had allowed God to use us. If I did not go for the Spring Break Campaign last March, I would not be writing this right now. So, God expects to do our part, to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”