Time for a nap... zzz

If you know me well enough, you'd probably know that I act like a Duracell-powered bunny. Well, I'm quite a sociable person (my need for being around people is almost obsessive... I get paranoid when you place me in a sterile room, asking me to be quite for a period of time). As such, I fill most of my time with people. This week has been nothing but PEOPLE. Seriously. When you're put in a situation whereby you realize you've only got a week left in your country, before going away for a whole year abroad, what would you have done? Wouldn't you want to spend bulk of the time with the people you love, the people you'd probably won't see in another few years, and, least I forget, your bestest best chums?

So from Monday through Thursday, I have been dictated by my people-oriented schedule. DIED. Come Friday, I felt like a cicak kering, squashed in between the spaces of a closed door. God save(d) me. Thank goodness the CG got canceled today. But wait... Things did not seem right. After a weeklong of living in the speed of a-tad-bit-slower-than-light, breaking so suddenly sent me lunging forward in discontent and, I'm afraid, paranoia (go away from me, you bearded old man! Don't poke my eyes out with your cane!). In desperation, I walked into my car, locked the doors, and then prayed. Uh, well, to be honest, I didn't really prayed, but merely thought out a conversation with God. Yeah, yeah, that's what I did. But, as I stopped altogether thinking and feeling, I began to start slouching deeper into the car seat. By the time I knew it, I had already lowered the car seat, and fell into a slumber.

I woke up an hour later feeling so refreshed. Perhaps, without even uttering a single word, God probably knew what I needed most: some time alone and, of course, a good nap. No wonder some people who are stressed with lots of stuffs choose to pray, hoping that they might be so tired to talk to God that they just drop down fast asleep. I remembered some wise words from Kah Wan. According to him, it's a discipline to rest just as much as it is a discipline in doing work. No wonder God established the Sabbath. So rest up! Time for bedtime.

Pre-programmed Ungratefulness

Before I decided to come back to Malaysia, I prayed hard for a place to live in. Now, it seems that my answered prayers sound almost like a cosmic joke. I've been over more than 5 different houses, taking turns doing the oh-you're-back-for-the-summer "house-keeping" chore for the residents of those houses. Well, at least I've been rewarded with some privileges, such as driving a pastor's car and playing Street Fighter IV on a 50" TV till the ungodly hours of the night (owh, wasn't it already the morning that we finished playing Gears of War 2?).

Yet, I could still find it hard to wake up in the morning, and go like, "I don't want to wake up". There's just an abundance of things I could potentially thank God for, but I guess, the feeling of what's-the-point-of-it-all wins us over most of the time. And worse of all, we probably had gone through this several times already, only to again fall back into the same ditch.

Thank God that He knows our inherent disease. I actually woke up this morning in that appalling state, and usually, whenever I get into such a condition, I'd go into this automatic response: sulk, get depressed, avoid people, and run away, as far as possible, from God. Was about to leave my bedroom to live out the rituals of life before I decided to fall down on my knees, and tell God, "Lord, I need you". I was glad that I did so. I would normally just skip the part about going to God, but, somehow, today, by God's grace, I was pulled out of my pre-programmed stiff-neck attitude. I could have lived the day with a dark cloud hovering over me, thundering guilt with no hope of forgiveness for nudging off God because of my bad mood.... But, a quick, and right response rewarded me with so much joy that even my dear Soo Li could not help but to feel infected with it.

I mean, after all, we have a God, of whom we can go to during all seasons of our lives. Just look at the Psalms. They are full of raw emotions, even of anger and rage. We often chide away our feelings and opt for a clean, professional way of approaching God. We'd often make the biggest error by only going to God when we feel peppy and smiling widely. When all hell breaks loose, we do our best to run away from His presence. Well, going to God in times when we're emo will not necessarily make us less emo, but it helps put things in perspective. One, it reminds us that we're not in control. Secondly, it also helps us to remember what God had done for us in the past, besides the giving of His Son. And I believe this was how God removed my chains and burdens this morning.

So, instead of going to God as a last resort, go to Him NOW. We have too awesome a God that we should bow down to our fears and anxieties.

Uncle See Huang

In Malaysia, we fondly address our friend's parents and other respectable senior persons as either uncles and aunties, even though we may not be necessarily related to them. This Sunday, a certain little girl has broken history... Thus, I was called "Uncle See Huang". Is this supposed to be a foreshadowing of my eminent, if not inevitable "unclehood"? At such a raw age of 21. Gosh.