Pre-programmed Ungratefulness

Before I decided to come back to Malaysia, I prayed hard for a place to live in. Now, it seems that my answered prayers sound almost like a cosmic joke. I've been over more than 5 different houses, taking turns doing the oh-you're-back-for-the-summer "house-keeping" chore for the residents of those houses. Well, at least I've been rewarded with some privileges, such as driving a pastor's car and playing Street Fighter IV on a 50" TV till the ungodly hours of the night (owh, wasn't it already the morning that we finished playing Gears of War 2?).

Yet, I could still find it hard to wake up in the morning, and go like, "I don't want to wake up". There's just an abundance of things I could potentially thank God for, but I guess, the feeling of what's-the-point-of-it-all wins us over most of the time. And worse of all, we probably had gone through this several times already, only to again fall back into the same ditch.

Thank God that He knows our inherent disease. I actually woke up this morning in that appalling state, and usually, whenever I get into such a condition, I'd go into this automatic response: sulk, get depressed, avoid people, and run away, as far as possible, from God. Was about to leave my bedroom to live out the rituals of life before I decided to fall down on my knees, and tell God, "Lord, I need you". I was glad that I did so. I would normally just skip the part about going to God, but, somehow, today, by God's grace, I was pulled out of my pre-programmed stiff-neck attitude. I could have lived the day with a dark cloud hovering over me, thundering guilt with no hope of forgiveness for nudging off God because of my bad mood.... But, a quick, and right response rewarded me with so much joy that even my dear Soo Li could not help but to feel infected with it.

I mean, after all, we have a God, of whom we can go to during all seasons of our lives. Just look at the Psalms. They are full of raw emotions, even of anger and rage. We often chide away our feelings and opt for a clean, professional way of approaching God. We'd often make the biggest error by only going to God when we feel peppy and smiling widely. When all hell breaks loose, we do our best to run away from His presence. Well, going to God in times when we're emo will not necessarily make us less emo, but it helps put things in perspective. One, it reminds us that we're not in control. Secondly, it also helps us to remember what God had done for us in the past, besides the giving of His Son. And I believe this was how God removed my chains and burdens this morning.

So, instead of going to God as a last resort, go to Him NOW. We have too awesome a God that we should bow down to our fears and anxieties.