An Empty Bank Account

There's a time to minister, and there's a time to be ministered. Often, we've been told that it is good to give. Have we often heard of the opposite? That it is good to receive? When our culture is so eminent with the spirit of paiseh-ness, no wonder we find it hard to receive anything given to us unconditionally, without shrinking back, sometimes even possibly retort aggressively, "Oh, you shouldn't have!".

Well, school has already started about two weeks ago. OK, before I can proceed to saying anything intelligible, let me let you into my little private world in this little place called Abilene. Here, almost every night, I open my doors to friends to come over to have dinner with my roommate and I. Part of this, so called "ministry" is to build bridges in order to share the gospel with many of our friends who aren't Christians. So, though this little "kenduri" of ours, we have managed to reach out to people, getting acquainted with them. One of these friends is none other than Chigusa, who accepted the Lord last year.

I've been doing this for sometime now, and I'm been blessed that despite all of this, I am able to still maintain my finances pretty tight. Well, good thing that cooking is a relatively cheap hobby here in the US. Heheh.... ^_^;

Anyway, with bridges built, many of my friends turn to me to have their life straightened out. Imagine Freud. Trying to be the superman (or the super Christian) that I am not, I gave myself to others, hoping that my help might somehow in turn lead them to knowing God more. I won't call it an evangelism out-reach ministry, but well, it's the ultimate goal that I always hope to fulfill. However, being carried away with just giving, I have forgotten that I, too, needed to receive.

Nonetheless, knowing that I have very little left in the bank account of my heart, I was too proud to accept any help from others. I continued in trying to do everything by myself, and in the end, I burned out.

Now, you can imagine just how much work it is to balance out my now hectic life, evident through my lack of blogging. I not only have to cook for a bunch of people, but I also had to listen and talk to people who needed help, while studying all at the same time. I realized that, even in my enthusiasm to do God's work, it's easy to just give, and pride myself with not wanting to receive. Furthermore, I guess it's easy to get carried away with trying to be the lone wolf of God. Living the Christian life, while trying to be the superman of God is not just impossible, it is a form of idolatry, trying to leave God out of the equation, thinking you could do things by your own strength.

Back to paiseh-ness. If there is just one thing I'd like to remove from my system right now, it would be that of being paiseh. While the world out there have intentionally rejected Jesus' free gift, I have something to say: we as Christians are no better. With lips we claim to receive Jesus' gift, but our actions directly contradict that. I have realized that in my own life -- how I am just so proud to want to receive anything. Receiving is just as important than giving. Mankind can still choose to give abundantly, while possibly at the same time deny the Christ, only to land into the depths of hell.

We've all heard of the Dead Sea, which keeps receiving but never gives, and because of that, it very salty. Well, if we give too much, we're going to end up penniless. Anyway, I leave you all with a provoking thought: it's time to check your balance.

My New Year Psalm

Psalm 27

Of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.