An Empty Bank Account

There's a time to minister, and there's a time to be ministered. Often, we've been told that it is good to give. Have we often heard of the opposite? That it is good to receive? When our culture is so eminent with the spirit of paiseh-ness, no wonder we find it hard to receive anything given to us unconditionally, without shrinking back, sometimes even possibly retort aggressively, "Oh, you shouldn't have!".

Well, school has already started about two weeks ago. OK, before I can proceed to saying anything intelligible, let me let you into my little private world in this little place called Abilene. Here, almost every night, I open my doors to friends to come over to have dinner with my roommate and I. Part of this, so called "ministry" is to build bridges in order to share the gospel with many of our friends who aren't Christians. So, though this little "kenduri" of ours, we have managed to reach out to people, getting acquainted with them. One of these friends is none other than Chigusa, who accepted the Lord last year.

I've been doing this for sometime now, and I'm been blessed that despite all of this, I am able to still maintain my finances pretty tight. Well, good thing that cooking is a relatively cheap hobby here in the US. Heheh.... ^_^;

Anyway, with bridges built, many of my friends turn to me to have their life straightened out. Imagine Freud. Trying to be the superman (or the super Christian) that I am not, I gave myself to others, hoping that my help might somehow in turn lead them to knowing God more. I won't call it an evangelism out-reach ministry, but well, it's the ultimate goal that I always hope to fulfill. However, being carried away with just giving, I have forgotten that I, too, needed to receive.

Nonetheless, knowing that I have very little left in the bank account of my heart, I was too proud to accept any help from others. I continued in trying to do everything by myself, and in the end, I burned out.

Now, you can imagine just how much work it is to balance out my now hectic life, evident through my lack of blogging. I not only have to cook for a bunch of people, but I also had to listen and talk to people who needed help, while studying all at the same time. I realized that, even in my enthusiasm to do God's work, it's easy to just give, and pride myself with not wanting to receive. Furthermore, I guess it's easy to get carried away with trying to be the lone wolf of God. Living the Christian life, while trying to be the superman of God is not just impossible, it is a form of idolatry, trying to leave God out of the equation, thinking you could do things by your own strength.

Back to paiseh-ness. If there is just one thing I'd like to remove from my system right now, it would be that of being paiseh. While the world out there have intentionally rejected Jesus' free gift, I have something to say: we as Christians are no better. With lips we claim to receive Jesus' gift, but our actions directly contradict that. I have realized that in my own life -- how I am just so proud to want to receive anything. Receiving is just as important than giving. Mankind can still choose to give abundantly, while possibly at the same time deny the Christ, only to land into the depths of hell.

We've all heard of the Dead Sea, which keeps receiving but never gives, and because of that, it very salty. Well, if we give too much, we're going to end up penniless. Anyway, I leave you all with a provoking thought: it's time to check your balance.