Dream

Ok, call me an insolent prick, or an irrational idealist. But don't shoot me down... just yet.

I've, of late, been praying, considering the prospect of going to Japan to work. I can already predict the random thoughts flying about. Whatever, man. As if it's gonna be that easy! Oh, let him just dream on~

If there is anything that has been exciting of late, it is definitely this big ambition of mine. I've never quite understood how or even why I have developed this crazy idea in the first place. Coming to the US with nothing but a vague dream of becoming a writer one day, it has never occurred to me to consider going to Japan to teach English, much less becoming a missionary. As much as it is crazy to all of you, it is shocking to me too. It's been quite a turn of events, but for once, I'm beginning to see how my talents and gifts can possibly be used in the future.

Of course, I have my doubts. Yet, I continue to pray and seek God in this matter. So before shooting me down, a word of encouragement, of prayer, or otherwise, a great listening ear would be of great worth. In fact, these are worth more than tongues tainted with reality-check venom.

Trust me, I've been too easily labeled as a fanatic, a lunatic and/or an extremist. But whatever the deal is, this is something important to me, something I want to cultivate and develop, and something I would like you all to pray for. I know, it sounds crazy. Heck, I find it the most absurd ambition ever. Yet, if this is what God wants me to do, I will gladly offer myself to Him. And if this is God's will for me, I'm pretty sure He'll give me everything that I'll need, and all I've just got to do is to thrust all my dependence unto Him.

For now, anyone reading this, please just be considerate and understand that I've taken a whole year to figure out all of this. It didn't come creep into my skull in the brief of a minute. No, it has squandered nights after nights, petition after petition, and it has challenged me to do the least desirable. Ah, the humor of God dragging His children out from the peace of their comfort zone, and dumping them into a pile of mess, only to walk with them in the chaos without them knowing it. What a precocious God, if I can say so myself! (God forgive me for such blasphemy! I repent!) Yes, without much explanation, that is the summarized version of what I've experienced over the last year.

Now, now... my major is still English (and I don't intend to change it, so please just don't comment about it anymore than it deserve!), and I currently attend a Japanese Bible class with a few American missionaries, who went to Japan many years ago. Of course, I'm still fumbling with the language, but I have to say, I'm doing pretty well. Eh, hard work, you know! 1 year of self-education, and constant self-deprecation in front of native-speakers. Apart from that I also plan to enroll in language school during the summer to pick up kanji, if possible.

Well, before I end this, I'd just wanted to share with you what my missionary friend told me. This is a reply when I told him that I wished God had made me a Caucasian American:

"See Huang, as an American going to Japan, I feel that we Americans go there as people of power -- having defeated the Japanese in the war. Although the Japanese generally respect us, our respect is due only because we were victorious against them. However, if you were to go to Japan, you are not only going there as, what you called yourself, a "lower-class" Asian, but also in a position of weakness and humility, having been the conquered people of the then oppressive Japanese. What more, you're going there to serve these people, who used to be your enemies. So, this parallel with a lot of who Jesus is. Remember Isaiah 53, that Jesus did not have anything to attract men to Himself? Similarly, if you go to Japan, your testimony is more valid, more powerful than ours. We earned their respect, but our testimony doesn't match our "status". However with you, the Japanese would ask, 'Why would the people we have persecuted come over to help us?' Do you catch what I'm trying to tell you? For all you know, God has specific reasons to have you to be born as a Chinese in Malaysia, handcrafted to be a tool of witnessing to the Japanese."