The God Who Spoke

I was away over last weekend for a church retreat. Well, truthfully, even though I am studying in a Christian university and I proclaim to be a Christian, to some extent, I am not a person overly fond of being overly spiritual. Gosh, that sounds like blasphemy, but, honestly, my love for God had grown cold over the years. So, when my friend invited me to the retreat, my initial reaction was a firm "no". And there came the moment when the Lord of the universe chose to confront me and despite being skeptical, I paid 60 bucks and took the leap of faith.

Shipped over a mosquito-ridden part of Texas called Brownwood, the first event that we had was a Friday night worship service, complete with the usual heart-thumping, repetitive lyrics-abusing music and an inspirational, if not charismatic sermon (and when I say "charismatic", think charismatic *wink, wink*). The service ended with an equally awkward "laying of hands" ritual where we went up to the life group leaders, as well as the preacher, "having them pray over us", as they said. Though I was reluctant, I went nonetheless. OK, the experience having to go through the narrow line of people lining my left and right, with their hands outstretch over my shoulders, arms and head, was WEIRD. Then, I listened to their prayers. "Lord, renew this man's walk with you", "Lord, melt the doubt that this man has", "Father, show this man how much you love him and how precious he is in your sight". . . I walked further through the passageway of people and then the preacher placed his palm all the way to my chest and prayed, "Lord, in Jesus' name, remove from this young man the coldness of his heart". I have not felt so convicted all my life. This are a bunch of people that I don't even know and they were praying for things that I so wanted to pray about. I didn't weep, but deeply, I wept. God in His infinite wisdom spoke and I fell on His feet and worshiped Him.

I recommitted my life to Jesus again that weekend. It's amazing how faithful God is. I'm amazed that He still loved me even when I had sinned against Him countlessly.

If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
1 John 2:1

Well, my story didn't actually ended up like that. The next day, I was half expecting myself to slip back into my old "tidak apa" self. God was not about to let that happen to me, fortunately. During that night's worship service, a friend of mine, Chigusa, who wasn't a Christian, went out of the chapel. She came back after 20 minutes and I asked her, "Daijoubu, desu ka?", which means, "Are you OK?". She answered me, "Tabun", meaning, "Maybe". After 10 minutes, she decided to go out again and this time, I decided to follow her outside. I wasn't sure why I did so, but I felt that God was tugging on my heart and I went.

There she was, on the front porch of the chapel's steps. She was crying. I went towards her, my right arm over her back. We started talking and while listening to her, I told God, within the depths of my heart, "I don't know what I should do". In our conversation, we talked about Chigusa's struggles: wanting to know more about God, relationships, and studies. She told me her about insecurities and how she wanted to become a Christian but due to so-and-so reason, as well as some fears, she was uncertain about making that decision. If you knew Chigusa as I did, you would have known that she is not somebody that is at all interested in God and under the starry night sky, she told me that she started to believe in God.

I wasn't sure what I should say but I knew that God was talking to her. Actually, a lot of the time in the worship service, she would take out her dictionary to check out a list of Christian words she couldn't understand, such as "grace, blessedness, hosanna and etc". I didn't know what to say to her and yet at that very moment, God gave me the words to provide comfort to Chigusa and, subsequently, ask her if she wanted to invite Christ into her life. To cut the story short, in the end, Chigusa made the decision to pray the sinner's prayer with me.

I am just completely amazed at God's work within me and through me. Seriously, I never would have thought that He would even want to use me to reach out to others. I mean, I've been thinking about myself all this while, and yet God brought me out of that mentality, to think about others. Just imagine if God didn't move me to go to the retreat. Would Chigusa confess Jesus as her Lord and Savior? There is just no words sufficient to tell of what God is currently doing in my life. Great is the love that the Father has for me.

Chords

A lot of the times, I find human emotions equate vanity. I even told Elena today that I'm like Data from the Star Trek. In context, we were discussing about how music could affect our emotions. The night before, we went to Adrian's (my roomy, obviously) jazz recital. That night, Adrian played Tema de Amor by Ennio Morricone, a spectacular piece no doubt. In chapel, Elena told me how the music had awed her, leaving her smiley and later, very much later, (after the the recital was over, truthfully) for no obvious reasons, brought her to tears. The young lady was moved not just because of the music but also the very manner my roomy had played the piano. Face in stern concentration and head hunched towards the glistening black ivory piano, my roomy performed a magical orchestra with the dance of his succulent fingers. She stared at him in reckless abandon, immersing herself in the symphony.

Sitting at the other end of the row, I sat down to try to enjoy the music. My black tailor made suit was pale in comparison to the humble attire that my roomy wore. Perhaps to satiate my desire to look like a Korean movie star walking on crimson carpet, I wore my best suit to the recital. Garbed in my pretentious costume, I listened for sounds of enlightenment in the recital hall. Yes, it was great music and oh, how I longed for tears to form. Disappointment hovered over me. I envied Elena.

I realize that it takes a lot to make me feel anything nowadays. The last time that I felt really emotional was the time I left home after summer vacation. The other time was perhaps when I was listening to a song that Ken gave me while admiring the scenery during my train ride from San Diego to Los Angeles .

The strange things that affect our emotions. . . The human psyche is definitely mysterious.

Back to the music-related realm, I played the guitar today for the first time in my life. Young Cinderella handed me her precious guitar over and gave me a free lesson in chords. I could have sworn that my cheeks blushed. Another sign of the inevitable emotions invading the cold Data. And what a song to play too! The Heart of Worship! ☆

*Knocks on head*

Back to work.

ニュース

みんなさん、お元気ですか。マレーシアはどうですか。毎日マレーシアのことを考えてるよ。みんなさんもを考えてる。悲しくてさびしいでも、ここにもたくさん友達がいいますから僕はなくないよ。僕はがんばるよ。今宿題をしなきゃいけないよ。たくさん宿題がある。もうやだ！しかし、うれしいから、この週末に協会のキャンプに行きます。だから、勉強をがんばるよ！しまった、テストを忘れちゃった！アートの歴史のテストがあるよ。遅い寝らなきゃいけない。馬鹿、僕は！じゃ、みんなさん、おやすみなさい。また来年なおう！

YouTube Treasures

Just been fooling around in YouTube lately. My friends introduced to me a couple of interesting videos from YouTube. The first one is a very weird Japanese video. The second one is a sort of Indian spoof of Michael Jackson's "Triller". Enjoy and laugh till you can't breathe!

Speaking of Photos. . .

I have a really bad tendency to give elaborate excuses to all my mishaps and misgivings. And truly, I intended to write a lot today yet after spending almost 20 minutes of brainstorming, I find myself unable to flood today's entry. Well, I'll let the photos do the talking.

When News of My Kimchi Spreads to the Japanese

When I became the "Mask"

Wait

Just a simple act can make a person's day. No words used, only a kind gesture. No hugs nor fake pretentious conversations.

A little patience goes a long way and waiting for someone brings a smile.

Bumping into a friend of mine at night, I stop by to have a 20 second chat with him only to cut the conversation short by uttering a rude 'excuse me'. Going off to fetch my bike, I decided to drop by a friend's work place nearby to say hi to her. Not realizing that time flew by, I decided to head home. Seated on my bike, I paddled a little before realizing that I've made a friend wait for me. I felt like stabbing myself that very moment when I saw in the dark the silhouette of a meditative Nobuki.

What grace that the friend still remained a friend and not angry, no less. Humbled, I walked him all the way to the library, uttering a smothered-sounding "mate kurete arigatou" (thanks for waiting for me).

Q&A time:
Q: Would I have been so patient, waiting for a friend?
A: Maybe not.

A Wonderful Parable

In Walmart yesterday, I decided to splurge a little for movie that my Brother recommended to watch a few months ago. Knowing absolutely zilch about the movie, I took a leap of faith with a little grain of salt (from my trusty and honest friend, Elena, of course!).

After dinner yesterday, we turned off all sources of light and began our adventure. Gosh, it was scary.

If this is not scary, I don't know what is.

Well, just to record my experience without spoiling the show for anyone of you who haven't watched it, the show was a wonderful parable, or at least that was what I thought. The only verse I could think of to sum the message of this parable would probably be Luke 17:33, 'Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.'

Awesome stuff.

Why?

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." US Declaration of Independence

Until today, I've always assumed that racial prejudice and discrimination is non-existent in the US (or at least in where I am in). Call me an ignorant, naive or otherwise downright stupid foreign student but I can't really help it, especially when the Americans shower me with more respect than it is due because of my exotic-ness (I hate to admit it, that is the best thing about being international).

Last Wednesday, it so happens that during chapel, the Student Association President (who is African American) stripped his clothings (not to the point of being stark naked, obviously -- he was still clad in his underclothes) to show the point that he like all the other students is human. Well, he could have done it in other ways but this is America, no? Unfortunately, perhaps some people took it differently and the next day, the SA President found a noose on his office table. That sparked the whole controversy in ACU today and perhaps the hoo-hah will not cede until a month or so. In chapel, the whole place was abuzz with local and national news reporters interviewing random students.

Racial issues are sensitive in the US. You just can't drop a noose in a Black man's office. The noose is a symbol of persecution and racial hatred in the US. Back in the days of slavery and even after the abolition of slavery in the US, the method of torturing, if not killing, Black people was by using the noose. So, the noose is viewed as an instrument of prejudice and hatred by the Black Americans. Unfortunately, the fact that one appeared in the office of the SA President is not only depressing but you're just wondering, 'Why?'. It's sickening in this time and age and especially in such a developed nation such as the US that people are so insensitive (what a sick joke, if it actually is) and so repugnant. Worse of all, this is supposed to be a Christian university. Where is love? What is loving your neighbor all about? Dear God, why?

Life and Death Issue

I've been trying to ransack my brain these past few weeks just to write something of worth. Unfortunately, my classes are keeping me so unkempt to the point that I don't have time for myself, let alone to blog. But, it's a commitment issue and I've got to deal with it. Well, today in class, something struck me real hard -- like a memorable Monday night barely a summer ago, where a tennis ball smashed into my right temple.

Art introduction class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8 am is hardly the subject to get me high in the morning. But today, an artwork that was introduced captured my attention.

Magdelen with the Smoking Flame

Being the complete banana that I am, I can't and don't interpret art very well. I was like, what's the skull there for? But as I later know, the skull represents mortality and after her encounter with Jesus, Mary Magdelen 'recounted her sins and pondered in the darkness'.

It's not everyday that I consistently recognize my own mortality and I guess the danger in doing so is that I waste so much of my life on trivial and vain matters, forgetting what that really means much in life. I mean, people don't just die of cancer and diseases. There are people who just drop dead in the streets. Only God knows when our time is up. Really now, it's time to wake up and realize that each day is precious and that there's a reason why we're even waking up every morning (people do die in their sleep, you know...). So, God, thank you that I woke up this morning. May you help me to live each day as if I'm dying.