Anew

New year, fresh beginnings. The end of 2008 marks the start of my 3rd semester in the US. It seems too surreal to think that I have left home a year ago. I've been blessed beyond what I could even comprehend or contemplate. Yet as newness fades into familiarity, I can only say that I'm far from being guilty of complacency. Perhaps, my prayer for this new year is that I might learn to be more grateful for everything the Lord has blessed me with.

More than anything else, I pray for a deeper desire to seek after the Lord. Reading Revelations, it's creepy to think what God would do to me (He'd spit me out!) if I did not give my all to Him.

So, this year, I continue to pray that God would preserve me, and keep me faithful to Him. Thank you Lord for being faithful to a wretched sinner like me!

Everything

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my wathcing
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

You are everything
Jesus, Everything

A Time to Breathe

Finally, just a moment of peace. I'm so glad that Christmas is over. No more party planning, no more people rampaging down my house. Just a time to be alone with God.

A Christmas Reminder

I can't deny that my Christmas has been nothing short of an elaborate list of to-dos. Yet in the midst of Christmas, I am reminded of the goodness of life, as I emailed an email to a friend of mine.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I deeply appreciate it. In fact, I felt a little down this morning after waking up. I took an extra long shower, and just emptied my mind. Yet, I still felt a little gloomy. I dried myself, put on fresh clothes, and walked out, telling myself that I'm not going to feel this way. I'm glad that I did just that. And then, just as I was about to check your apple pie recipe again, I opened my inbox to find your email, only to subsequently read it with tender care.

XXX, I'm not going to say that I know how or what you're feeling, or any that sort of nonsense. What I do know is that feelings tend to go up and down -- it's like a roller coaster. What I will also say is that these feelings are normal. In fact, at least for me, the shrills of going up, and then, descending down, is what makes life really exciting. If life is all about just the ups, I really wonder, could I truly appreaciate goodness in life? Perhaps, I might even end up a spoiled, complacent brat. So, without the gloominess of life, I don't think I would appreciate the good in life. Also, perhaps, I believe that if we can appreciate the good things in life here, it will definitely help us to appreacite them even more during the eternity to come!

Although the downs have been hurtful for me, still I try to thank God for each and every of these afflictions in my life. I believe that these pains in my life, although at times causes me to doubt in God, has made me grown as a person. I don't believe that God merely allow this things to happen in order that we might be disciplined, like a father disciplines his children (Hebrews 12), or that our faith is tested (i.e. Abraham). I also believe that He wants us to have a better picture of life, which is not lopsided. From what I can see in my own life, God has showed me that life is not one constantly filled with rainclouds, nor is it only filled with sunshiny blue skies.

However, it is always so easy to get carried away whenever we're faced with times of disappointment and negativity, in whole. Whenever that happens to me, I always thank God for friends, who are willing to give up themselves to drag me out of the murk. You've done that a couple of times -- and for that I thank God for you. In the end, when we've snapped out of it, we realize that our sadness, moodiness, and/or gloominess is really just temporary. It comes, and it goes. Sometimes, right after I snap out of my so-called "depression," I often realize that I've been selfish for feeling so. There's a million or so people out in the world who 'deserves' to feel this way, who yearns to feel this way, and yet they have to place these feelings aside to do, move, and work dictated by reality's cruelty, only to perhaps shed a single tear in the morning.

Anyway, I don't want to lecture you, XXX. As much as this is my thought to you, it is also my own thoughts to myself. I also trying to remind myself how good God has been to me. Well, before I end this, I'd like to share with you John 16:33: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. I this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Well, I don't have much else to say. May we remember the goodness of the life God has given to us as we remember the birth of the Savior.

Kempen Tak Mau Lipas

Alangkah masa lipas berundur. Kempen Tak Mau Lipas!!!

Cheezy no? Well, that's what we three Malaysians have planned to do. Lipas is the codename for our "super kawaii" friend's ex-boyfriend. We've been counseling this friend of our's, whose ex dumped her to seek out other relationships. Undeniably true, love is blind. After a while, the lipas slyly flies back to the girl, tormenting her, like a cockroach crawling behind your back without your knowledge.

So, our goal is to keep our friend from making the same mistakes again. Time to bring in some heavy duty Ridsect to elliminate the lipas.

When A Thief Strikes

Just the other day, I went swimming. Leaving my vest in the locker room, I jumped straight to the pool. The next 20 minutes, I came out of the pool, dried and dressed myself, and left for home. It wasn't until 4 days till I realized that something precious was stolen: my 80 gig iPod.

Searching high and wide for ブラック, or "Black," I slowly became manic when it could not be found. I kept telling myself that it must be somewhere -- just a matter of time till I find it. Yet, the more I kept staying in that mode, the more I became intoxicated with obsessive-compulsion. Couldn't find it anywhere, everywhere.

Thus, I kept heaping abuse at myself for my lack of careful attention for the precious things in life. But heaping burning coals on my head wasn't going to do anything. So, in the end, I tried going to sleep, as if my problems would disappear the next day. Predictably, I couldn't sleep. It was traumatic enough to know how careless I am, what more, I was bombarded with the prospect of studying without music. See, I just that kind of guy that can't study without music. With that in mind, I couldn't imagine college life without my mp3 player. It's a need, not a want.

Then, my arms curiously reached into the second pocket of my winter vest, hoping that my Dell thumbdrive would somehow be inside it. It wasn't. The thing with me is that I usually leave my iPod in the left pocket of the vest, while the thumbdrive inside the other. The fact that both devices seems to be missing coincidentally sounds suspicious altogether.

200 USD, the thought crops into my head. 200 Dollars. Fortunately, the thumbdrive is free and luckier still that I have already turned in my finals' paper, which file is within the device. Yet, despite all these, it still hurts to think about it. My privacy was violated, my things stolen, and my money wasted. What more, the thief could even plagarize my essay. Going to God in prayer, I poured out my feelings.

But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Matthew 5:38-42

Dear God, it's just so easy to hear in theory, but doing what You ask is just so difficult. Can I even ask a benevolent God to forgive this wretch for ransaking my things, for taking what is not his/her? God, give me the courage and will to forgive!

Times A-Changing

Sometimes, I just lie down on my bed, and stare blankly at the ceiling. And I wonder and think about one absolute truth in this world: time flies fast. It's now the finals of my second semester in Abilene. Like what the heck? It hasn't been too long since I've left Malaysia. What's more disturbing is the fact that it's -3 °C inside my room. I HATE WINTER!

Then again, I guess I must be thankful for everything God has given to me. As time unfolds, His goodness becomes more apparent. A good example would be a friend, if not sister, of mine, Jazmin. I've only really gotten to know her this semester, and what's sad is that she will be transferring to another university next semester. Despite time being short, I am glad that God has given me the chance to get to know this awesome sister. Time may be short but the friendship established is more profound and deep than the time which couldn't afford it.

What more, it was a blessing to be able to experience the Hispanic culture through her. Over the thanksgiving break, three of us Malaysians -- Adrian, Elena and I -- went a-packing to a small town in southern Texas called Mission, where Jaz lives. We experienced a culture so different, and yet similar to what we often fail to describe as "Malaysian". There, we spent 5 days with her at her house. We have experienced what's quintessentially Hispanic, and yet, at the same time celebrate the epitome of most thing American, called "Thanksgiving".

Jazmin on the far left

I guess, even if it was a short trip overall, we had a blast there, not to mention shop like crazy during Black Friday, which was equivalent to the Mega Sales in Malaysia. Also, we had a chance to try out a dish that calls for chicken to be braised in a sauce made with chilies and chocolate.

As for Jaz, I guess I'll miss her sarcasm and her funny face. Yet, I believe that there is a reason for us to meet and know each other here in Abilene, and there's also a reason for her to transfer. I can only pray for her, and wish her all the best. What I've learned is that, as far as friendship goes, in most cases, good friends will always be remembered and cherished.

This brings me to another train of thought. To you, my friends in Malaysia, I miss y'all. There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember you by. And Justin, that includes you. WELCOME HOME!!! I'm looking forward to be able to see you again.

As for me, I'm gonna go back into studying for my finals. It's killing me each and every single day. No air to breathe, I tell ya. I stayed up two whole days (mind you, without sleep) last week trying to study for a sociology test. And this week, not much different, staying up another 2 days just to finish a 2500 word essay. Gila man! Oh well, with sleep depravation clinging onto me, I guess I should call it a day.

PS: I really can't wait to go home. I can't wait to see the new and taller Judson.

The Kind of Stuffs I Make

I've been trying to find time to blog (*cough* brag) about the things that I've cooked so far. Unfortunately, most of the time, the very things that I whip up disappears in a matter of seconds. So, I've been trying to learn the art of capturing food shots faster than the hands that grabs.

Here's some of my attempt at making bento. I made some kimchi fried rice and some japchae. All I did is to put it into the appropriate container and, then, decorate it with some omelet. Notice the shape of the omelet. It doesn't look too good and I seem to have spelt my friend's name wrongly too. Bleh. At least the food tasted good.

Japchae

Kimchi bokkeumbap

Then, over the weekend, I made some pineapple tarts too. I wasn't sure if it would turn out the way it should, but it turned out so well that even people who hated pineapples couldn't resist eating it.

The Filling

The End Result

That's all for random blogging. ;)

Disillusionment

Currently, I am growing disillusioned with the church that I am attending. It’s been more than a semester since I started attending Beltway. I guess a lot of the reasons I chose this church in the first place was because I liked its lively, youthful atmosphere. I mean, what else could attract young people such as me than through booming music, theater-like atmosphere, slick cool sermons and tons of friends?

I used to be really quiet and reserved before coming to the States. Then, I changed. Poof! I became talkative, open and “extroverted”. Over last semester, I became really different (not just the looks, if you’d noticed).

This semester, however, I’m learning to appreciate quiet times and privacy. Aren’t you tired of people telling you that if you’re not out with people, you don’t have a life? Honestly, I’m here to declare that that’s nothing but the LIE of the devil! I’ve found out that there’s time for everything: time to be alone, and time to be with others (Ecclesiastes 3).

Knowing that, and realizing that I’m changing, yet again, I’m beginning to feel really disillusioned with the megachurch I’m attending. I’m starting to question my original motives for even attending the church. Yesterday, while the people around bunched up to pray in groups, I left the prayer abruptly. The doubts surfaced during the middle of the college group prayer meeting, rendering me to desire to just sit down and just think. Why am I even here? Why do I feel like I’m worshipping people rather than God? Am I attending this church just to feel good about myself?

My struggles really reflect one of the Footstool Player’s bygone dramas. If I remembered correctly, it’s the one with Dorothy (now happily married to Desmond! Congrats again, Des!) taking orders at McChurch’s drive thru, or something. That’s what I feel about the church I’m going. It’s like going to a restaurant, happily munching with people, without a shred of awe for the God who was, is and is to come.

If the friends, music and theatrics of this church are causing me to fall into idolatry, then I’m leaving. Although I sound all gung-ho, I have to disclose that this is a big decision, one which makes me anxious and fearful. So, as I pray for discernment and wisdom from God, people, friends, please do pray for me too! Blessings.

It's Gonna Be Temporary

It's gonna be temporary, says Caro.

I've just got a year older a few days ago, and it was most profound that I was emo during that day. I was deeply incapacitated to do anything these past few days. All I did was to avoid people, place myself in the library -- laboriously studying -- and talk as little as I could. I became estranged from God. In America, with all sorts of concepts running around, it's really hard to know what's truth anymore. There's no truth, in essence. That's what I hear around. Everything is subjective.

There's extremes on both sides. Telling a conservative friend about my struggles would only warrant me a that's-the-devil's-voice-so-don't-listen-to-it explanation. Going to a "liberal" friend, I would only become even more confused, when she tells me that there's really no way to proof God's existence. So, all I did was to beat around the bush. No way out, trapped. I felt angry, frustrated. What the heck am I doing here? Who am I? What's the point of just praying, reading the Bible? If God's just so far away, why even bother trying to please Him? I felt redundant, so purposeless. I suck, everyone suck. Die and burn, world!

As soon as I got really depressed, life went on and I calmed down over a few days. I began to talk to people, go back to my regular jogging and live life as best as I could. In this renewed state, I was not only able to function normally, but I could actually begin sorting why I was even depressed in the first place. It's kinda like tired Elijah who ran away from God, even after witnessing God's miraculous feat. I ran away from God, possibly due to the state of tiredness -- not just physical tiredness, but spiritual and emotional tiredness. Worse, in this state, I was confronted with a volley of different views and opinions, which clouded everything. Once I confined myself to just thinking, I have already set myself within a dungeon. Kah Wan once told me that humans were not built to be just thinking machines, but also organisms capable of spirituality and emotions. Humans are also physical beings, as well.

Now that I have relocated myself in quiet of the wilderness, God's whisper-like voice seems to be clearer. I was just reading Bonhoeffer's book, Cost of Discipleship. There's a wonderful poem that just sums up what I felt over these past few days:

Who Am I?

Who am I? They often tell me

I stepped from my cell’s confinement

Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,

Like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me

I used to speak to my warders

Freely and friendly and clearly,

As though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me

I bore the days of misfortune

Equally, smilingly, proudly,

Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?

Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,

Struggling for breath, as though hands were

compressing my throat,

Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,

Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,

Tossing in expectation of great events,

Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,

Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,

Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army,

Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

Before reading this poem, a really good friend of mine, Caro, shared with me her testimony. She told me of how she was born a child to a single mother, whose husband left her for another woman. Caro, who's probably had worse miseries compared to me (or anyone else) had the say one night, when she told us that it's about a race. This race needs to be filled with prayers and with hope, because that will remind us just how temporary these feelings and doubts currently are, compared to the joy that we will ultimately have in the end.

I may not understand everything, but that's not really important. I just thank God for provision, that I have whatever it takes to get me to the next day. In the end, everything we experience here, our pain, fears, and doubts are just gonna be temporary.

It's gonna be temporary.

Likes and Dislikes

15 minutes before my literature class starts and I decide to write something. Purely random but relevant.

Likes:
1) Sipping a hot cuppa coffee in the morning.
2) Staring at the vapors that I breathe out when it's cold.
3) Reading the Bible and looking at God in a new, fresh way.
4) Killing enemy scums in Halo 3 with friends.
5) Inventing fusion dishes.
6) Sleeping till it's 3 pm in the afternoon.
7) Going out during the night for a good run around campus.

Dislikes:
1) Drinking a cup of diluted coffee that won't wake me up in the morning.
2) Running in the cold, while my ears and face crinkles up, because I'm late to class.
3) Making God into religion and a set of rules of do-s and don't-s.
4) Having my hopes of having a 4-player co-op crushed when the controller from Walmart doesn't functions.
5) Nuclear explosion and diarrhea.
6) Waking up at 8 am every weekday for class.
7) Having a terrible run because of allergies.

Desert Wanderings

"At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him." Mark 1:12-13

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

I get so frustrated with myself from time-to-time. It's easy to put up a fake smile, and go around pretending that everything is fine when it is not. I hate to give people the false impression that I don't struggle with any issues. Man, if people can only see how rotten I am in the inside.

I want to continue to be fervent and on fire for God. But the sad fact is, I've always end up making God into a list of do-s and don't-s, and then realizing later, very much later, that all He wants is for me to rely on Him for all that I need.

A big struggle of mine is that, many times, I choose to just turn away from God whenever I realize that I can't do anything to get things right by myself. I mean, what's the point of doing what is right when I know in the future, I will inevitably have some pitfalls, whether I want it or not. Call it kiasu-ness or whatever! I just hate it when I fall. I want a clean slate now and never ever be black listed. What's the point of trying to keep a clean slate when I know I can never keep it clean all the time. (Notice the italics?)

And funny thing is, when I choose to flee from God, He always end up being at the end of when I don't expect Him to be.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. (Psalm 139:7-8)

Thankfully, I'm glad that God is constantly faithful. Even when I try to run away from Him, He always finds a way to woo me back into His wide, flung opened arms. It's just so often I get carried away, thinking it's all about me. God has a funny sense of humor to tell me that it's never about me first place, but it's about Him. Furthermore, He even claims that He'll "remember my sins no more". I'm just so glad that even though God knows I'm all rotten inside, He chooses to see me through Jesus. I'll never be worthy of Him, never be able to reach His standards, and never will be like Him, and He knows that. Yet, He comes close to those who know they are a mess. He didn't come for those who are well but those who needs to be healed. He came for us, for me.

God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

The Ajisai Asian Fashion Show

Last night was the debut of ACU's very first Asian Fashion Show. The show, which lasted for 2 whole hours, featured, mostly, modern and urban Asian clothing. The turn ups were pretty strong, and it was not surprising that many lined even through the exterior of Teague, where it was held.

I went to Teague a little past 7 pm, which was the time when the show was about to start. I was mostly busy because of my rushed schedule of making 'siew mai' for the show as well as trying to dye my hair brown for my get-up. Thankfully, some of my trustworthy and dependable friends aided me as I attempted to get things ready for the show. *Wipe sweat off brow* Being the cook, food server and mascot is not easy.

By the time I got to Teague, the place was crowded with I-don't-know-how-many-people-but-it-was-too-numerous-to-count, Elena and I snaked through the line, cut across hundreds of people and reached our food-dispenser corner. There we just served food and perhaps give people a good impression of Asian fashion. And as y'all know, I was cosplaying. Unfortunately, my hair color didn't change. It must have been God's will for my hair to remain black for the whole of eternity.


But whatever. As if anybody really watches Bleach nowadays... with all the fillers and stuff.

Well, back to the food-talk... Uh, I have to agree that the free food was never enough and we weren't able to demonstrate any sort of Jesus-power that night. The food was actually good, but it was really cheezy, if you know what I mean (cough... crab... cough... rangoon... ahem).

The show, long as it was, was actually quite short. I regretted that I had brought my glasses over to the show. I struggled to squint my eyes as small as I could, and yet failed to see anything. Now I know how the blind man, who saw people who looked like trees after the first time Jesus healed him, in the book of Mark, felt. Fortunately, I had Elena as my commentator that night. Unfortunately for y'all, I can't say much of the show as I didn't really watched it, with my eyes half-closed (or half-open) and yet not really seeing anything.

After the show had ended, some of my friends and I went for a little photo shooting for fun. *For all the glamor that Aizen receives, I feel personally that he doesn't have many cool poses and thank God for Elena who contributed ideas to make all these super-uber poses possible*

My Sister and I

"Hau Sang Loi" and I

Chigusa and Iki

My Teammate and I

Teammate strikes a pose for-the-win

South East Asians Only

Well, that's all for the fashion show, folks. Now, it's time for me to get back to bed and lament the fact that I caught the cold. Till next time. おならしてください。(Do translate the phrase)

いつでも、どこでも

いつでも、どこでも、
君は私を待ってくれている。
君はずっと待っている、
暗闇の中で、
あなたが泣いているのを聞いた。
泣かないで下さい！
いまここにいる、いつもここにいる。
絶対君は守ってくれる。
君はずっと待っている。
だから、心配しないで。
ほほ笑んでいてください、
いつでも、どこでも。

Ready, Set, Go!!!

Midterm is here. The hardest week is about the begin but I'm gonna cling to Romans 5:3-4. Bring it on, I'm ready! がんばるよ！

The God Who Spoke

I was away over last weekend for a church retreat. Well, truthfully, even though I am studying in a Christian university and I proclaim to be a Christian, to some extent, I am not a person overly fond of being overly spiritual. Gosh, that sounds like blasphemy, but, honestly, my love for God had grown cold over the years. So, when my friend invited me to the retreat, my initial reaction was a firm "no". And there came the moment when the Lord of the universe chose to confront me and despite being skeptical, I paid 60 bucks and took the leap of faith.

Shipped over a mosquito-ridden part of Texas called Brownwood, the first event that we had was a Friday night worship service, complete with the usual heart-thumping, repetitive lyrics-abusing music and an inspirational, if not charismatic sermon (and when I say "charismatic", think charismatic *wink, wink*). The service ended with an equally awkward "laying of hands" ritual where we went up to the life group leaders, as well as the preacher, "having them pray over us", as they said. Though I was reluctant, I went nonetheless. OK, the experience having to go through the narrow line of people lining my left and right, with their hands outstretch over my shoulders, arms and head, was WEIRD. Then, I listened to their prayers. "Lord, renew this man's walk with you", "Lord, melt the doubt that this man has", "Father, show this man how much you love him and how precious he is in your sight". . . I walked further through the passageway of people and then the preacher placed his palm all the way to my chest and prayed, "Lord, in Jesus' name, remove from this young man the coldness of his heart". I have not felt so convicted all my life. This are a bunch of people that I don't even know and they were praying for things that I so wanted to pray about. I didn't weep, but deeply, I wept. God in His infinite wisdom spoke and I fell on His feet and worshiped Him.

I recommitted my life to Jesus again that weekend. It's amazing how faithful God is. I'm amazed that He still loved me even when I had sinned against Him countlessly.

If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
1 John 2:1

Well, my story didn't actually ended up like that. The next day, I was half expecting myself to slip back into my old "tidak apa" self. God was not about to let that happen to me, fortunately. During that night's worship service, a friend of mine, Chigusa, who wasn't a Christian, went out of the chapel. She came back after 20 minutes and I asked her, "Daijoubu, desu ka?", which means, "Are you OK?". She answered me, "Tabun", meaning, "Maybe". After 10 minutes, she decided to go out again and this time, I decided to follow her outside. I wasn't sure why I did so, but I felt that God was tugging on my heart and I went.

There she was, on the front porch of the chapel's steps. She was crying. I went towards her, my right arm over her back. We started talking and while listening to her, I told God, within the depths of my heart, "I don't know what I should do". In our conversation, we talked about Chigusa's struggles: wanting to know more about God, relationships, and studies. She told me her about insecurities and how she wanted to become a Christian but due to so-and-so reason, as well as some fears, she was uncertain about making that decision. If you knew Chigusa as I did, you would have known that she is not somebody that is at all interested in God and under the starry night sky, she told me that she started to believe in God.

I wasn't sure what I should say but I knew that God was talking to her. Actually, a lot of the time in the worship service, she would take out her dictionary to check out a list of Christian words she couldn't understand, such as "grace, blessedness, hosanna and etc". I didn't know what to say to her and yet at that very moment, God gave me the words to provide comfort to Chigusa and, subsequently, ask her if she wanted to invite Christ into her life. To cut the story short, in the end, Chigusa made the decision to pray the sinner's prayer with me.

I am just completely amazed at God's work within me and through me. Seriously, I never would have thought that He would even want to use me to reach out to others. I mean, I've been thinking about myself all this while, and yet God brought me out of that mentality, to think about others. Just imagine if God didn't move me to go to the retreat. Would Chigusa confess Jesus as her Lord and Savior? There is just no words sufficient to tell of what God is currently doing in my life. Great is the love that the Father has for me.

Chords

A lot of the times, I find human emotions equate vanity. I even told Elena today that I'm like Data from the Star Trek. In context, we were discussing about how music could affect our emotions. The night before, we went to Adrian's (my roomy, obviously) jazz recital. That night, Adrian played Tema de Amor by Ennio Morricone, a spectacular piece no doubt. In chapel, Elena told me how the music had awed her, leaving her smiley and later, very much later, (after the the recital was over, truthfully) for no obvious reasons, brought her to tears. The young lady was moved not just because of the music but also the very manner my roomy had played the piano. Face in stern concentration and head hunched towards the glistening black ivory piano, my roomy performed a magical orchestra with the dance of his succulent fingers. She stared at him in reckless abandon, immersing herself in the symphony.

Sitting at the other end of the row, I sat down to try to enjoy the music. My black tailor made suit was pale in comparison to the humble attire that my roomy wore. Perhaps to satiate my desire to look like a Korean movie star walking on crimson carpet, I wore my best suit to the recital. Garbed in my pretentious costume, I listened for sounds of enlightenment in the recital hall. Yes, it was great music and oh, how I longed for tears to form. Disappointment hovered over me. I envied Elena.

I realize that it takes a lot to make me feel anything nowadays. The last time that I felt really emotional was the time I left home after summer vacation. The other time was perhaps when I was listening to a song that Ken gave me while admiring the scenery during my train ride from San Diego to Los Angeles .

The strange things that affect our emotions. . . The human psyche is definitely mysterious.

Back to the music-related realm, I played the guitar today for the first time in my life. Young Cinderella handed me her precious guitar over and gave me a free lesson in chords. I could have sworn that my cheeks blushed. Another sign of the inevitable emotions invading the cold Data. And what a song to play too! The Heart of Worship! ☆

*Knocks on head*

Back to work.

ニュース

みんなさん、お元気ですか。マレーシアはどうですか。毎日マレーシアのことを考えてるよ。みんなさんもを考えてる。悲しくてさびしいでも、ここにもたくさん友達がいいますから僕はなくないよ。僕はがんばるよ。今宿題をしなきゃいけないよ。たくさん宿題がある。もうやだ！しかし、うれしいから、この週末に協会のキャンプに行きます。だから、勉強をがんばるよ！しまった、テストを忘れちゃった！アートの歴史のテストがあるよ。遅い寝らなきゃいけない。馬鹿、僕は！じゃ、みんなさん、おやすみなさい。また来年なおう！

YouTube Treasures

Just been fooling around in YouTube lately. My friends introduced to me a couple of interesting videos from YouTube. The first one is a very weird Japanese video. The second one is a sort of Indian spoof of Michael Jackson's "Triller". Enjoy and laugh till you can't breathe!

Speaking of Photos. . .

I have a really bad tendency to give elaborate excuses to all my mishaps and misgivings. And truly, I intended to write a lot today yet after spending almost 20 minutes of brainstorming, I find myself unable to flood today's entry. Well, I'll let the photos do the talking.

When News of My Kimchi Spreads to the Japanese

When I became the "Mask"

Wait

Just a simple act can make a person's day. No words used, only a kind gesture. No hugs nor fake pretentious conversations.

A little patience goes a long way and waiting for someone brings a smile.

Bumping into a friend of mine at night, I stop by to have a 20 second chat with him only to cut the conversation short by uttering a rude 'excuse me'. Going off to fetch my bike, I decided to drop by a friend's work place nearby to say hi to her. Not realizing that time flew by, I decided to head home. Seated on my bike, I paddled a little before realizing that I've made a friend wait for me. I felt like stabbing myself that very moment when I saw in the dark the silhouette of a meditative Nobuki.

What grace that the friend still remained a friend and not angry, no less. Humbled, I walked him all the way to the library, uttering a smothered-sounding "mate kurete arigatou" (thanks for waiting for me).

Q&A time:
Q: Would I have been so patient, waiting for a friend?
A: Maybe not.

A Wonderful Parable

In Walmart yesterday, I decided to splurge a little for movie that my Brother recommended to watch a few months ago. Knowing absolutely zilch about the movie, I took a leap of faith with a little grain of salt (from my trusty and honest friend, Elena, of course!).

After dinner yesterday, we turned off all sources of light and began our adventure. Gosh, it was scary.

If this is not scary, I don't know what is.

Well, just to record my experience without spoiling the show for anyone of you who haven't watched it, the show was a wonderful parable, or at least that was what I thought. The only verse I could think of to sum the message of this parable would probably be Luke 17:33, 'Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.'

Awesome stuff.

Why?

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." US Declaration of Independence

Until today, I've always assumed that racial prejudice and discrimination is non-existent in the US (or at least in where I am in). Call me an ignorant, naive or otherwise downright stupid foreign student but I can't really help it, especially when the Americans shower me with more respect than it is due because of my exotic-ness (I hate to admit it, that is the best thing about being international).

Last Wednesday, it so happens that during chapel, the Student Association President (who is African American) stripped his clothings (not to the point of being stark naked, obviously -- he was still clad in his underclothes) to show the point that he like all the other students is human. Well, he could have done it in other ways but this is America, no? Unfortunately, perhaps some people took it differently and the next day, the SA President found a noose on his office table. That sparked the whole controversy in ACU today and perhaps the hoo-hah will not cede until a month or so. In chapel, the whole place was abuzz with local and national news reporters interviewing random students.

Racial issues are sensitive in the US. You just can't drop a noose in a Black man's office. The noose is a symbol of persecution and racial hatred in the US. Back in the days of slavery and even after the abolition of slavery in the US, the method of torturing, if not killing, Black people was by using the noose. So, the noose is viewed as an instrument of prejudice and hatred by the Black Americans. Unfortunately, the fact that one appeared in the office of the SA President is not only depressing but you're just wondering, 'Why?'. It's sickening in this time and age and especially in such a developed nation such as the US that people are so insensitive (what a sick joke, if it actually is) and so repugnant. Worse of all, this is supposed to be a Christian university. Where is love? What is loving your neighbor all about? Dear God, why?

Life and Death Issue

I've been trying to ransack my brain these past few weeks just to write something of worth. Unfortunately, my classes are keeping me so unkempt to the point that I don't have time for myself, let alone to blog. But, it's a commitment issue and I've got to deal with it. Well, today in class, something struck me real hard -- like a memorable Monday night barely a summer ago, where a tennis ball smashed into my right temple.

Art introduction class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8 am is hardly the subject to get me high in the morning. But today, an artwork that was introduced captured my attention.

Magdelen with the Smoking Flame

Being the complete banana that I am, I can't and don't interpret art very well. I was like, what's the skull there for? But as I later know, the skull represents mortality and after her encounter with Jesus, Mary Magdelen 'recounted her sins and pondered in the darkness'.

It's not everyday that I consistently recognize my own mortality and I guess the danger in doing so is that I waste so much of my life on trivial and vain matters, forgetting what that really means much in life. I mean, people don't just die of cancer and diseases. There are people who just drop dead in the streets. Only God knows when our time is up. Really now, it's time to wake up and realize that each day is precious and that there's a reason why we're even waking up every morning (people do die in their sleep, you know...). So, God, thank you that I woke up this morning. May you help me to live each day as if I'm dying.

Sick on the First Week Again???

I have the word blasphemy potentially written upon my forehead after posting my thoughts for the day but I have to say that I'm just totally unlucky to find myself sick yet again on the weekend of my first week of school. I just refuse to believe that there's a reason for me to be sick so coincidentally on the first weekend of school. No, nay and iie. And here I go again, sipping my hot cuppa ho yan hor tea to numb my sore throat.

Meal Plan C (C for See Huang)

News spreads pretty fast and by the time you know it, people are probably hoarding around you like a swarm of flies. (Well, that's also kinda like the case of big Texan mosquitoes, but that's another story altogether, which I won't spare the time to elaborate!)

After several days of cooking (actually, no -- more like sweating it out... my house lacks proper air vents, and it's pretty hot right about now) for myself and for a few friends, I have now a list of people to cater food to (hint: I'm getting paid to do this). Dreams of owning a restaurant isn't that impossible now and all I just need to do is to hush up about the whole you-can't-get-no-jobs-if-you're-a-foreign-student-in-the-US policy. Probably the only problem is time and motivation. Well, most other things would probably require those quintessential elements, no?

The semester's starting pretty swell (except for a really stupid class, which I dropped and ain't too happy about doing so...), and hopefully, God willing, I hope I'll be able to sustain myself while catering food for others. Ganbarimasu!

Master Photographer

It's only so often that I meet a really great photographer and thankfully, I have one quite close by. It's actually quite agonizing to see her eyes squinting, hands positioning with her palms and most of her fingers supporting the little device we call a camera while one of her index fingers silently pushes the button. Here's one of her little beauties.


We're in the middle of Penang and instead of going after the more 'gorgeous' scenes, she went after a beggar in the middle of the market. That says a lot about her, don't you think?

Here's a random photo of me by her. It was traumatizing to pose for her. "Turn your head like so-and-so, hands positioned so-and-so, look so-and-so... HOLD IT!".

It would probably not be a good idea to bring her along for a cosplaying gig. XD

PS: It's raining cats and dogs here. I HATE THE RAIN!!!

Made It Finally!

Well, it's kind of depressing not to have internet access for a while, but anyway, just want to say, I've made it safely to A-Town. And thanks, Yeng for the SMS. I wished I had bought more credits to forward it. It's just 10 minutes to 4 pm and I realized that I have missed church (SJGC's Sunday service, obviously) and the tennis cum swimming gig. Oh well... Gotta move on and I miss say I still miss Sim's hair. XD

PS: Elena thought that Ken was Simon and the curly haired one, Ken.

Rejoice, Rejoice!

By God's grace, I finally retrieved my 'lost' passport.

Surprising (?)

Had to wake up super early this morning (not that I can sleep actually, cause of the jet lag). Took a train from Solana Beach to LA, which took approximately 2 hours. And of all the seats I took, I took the one which didn't have any windows -- so I couldn't manage to get a glimpse of the 'scenic view' of California. Thank goodness for my precious DS that kept me occupied, though I would probably mention that I used up 1 and a half hours just to kill a boss in FF IV.

Solana Beach Station

When I reached LA, it was already 9 am in the morning and I took a Fly Away Bus leading to LAX. That itself already took a good half hour and I was hungry like anything (I ate my breakfast at about 4 am in the morning). Went to the Korean Air counter and well, to cut it short, I got back my passport without breaking a sweat.

Fastforward... I got back to San Diego around 2 pm and this time, I was wiser in choosing my seating. I got the one facing to the sea and the view was gorgeous. Had to thank you Ken for the songs you spared me! Glad that my iPod is no longer J-pop exclusive! When I got back to Elena's brother's home, I was already beaten up and with the jet lag and all, I went straight to bed without any further contemplation.

Evening was the best. After a nice nap, it was time again to get some grub and I was glad that we chose to eat out instead of eating last nite's leftover spaghetti. And this time it was Japanese food. ^_^

Seriously, hands down (hands up and sideways as well) the ramen that I had here is the best that I have ever savored in my entire life. Goes to show that you can't make Japanese food both good and halal at the same time (for those really blur about Japanese food preparation, most of the ramen dashi broth contains rice wine -- and removing that from the recipe just immediately kills the whole recipe... also not to mention that making chicken chashu is blasphemy).

Elena's Chicken Teriyaki (the portion is frightening, no?)

My Miso Chashu Ramen... Hontou ni oishii desu yo!

I was also glad that the restaurant that we went to offered Asian portions. Elena on the other hand was more gung-ho, she attempted the larger Western portion.

After all the eating, we decided to go to the Taiwanese market. Truthfully, this is the most EVIL place that I have ever been to. I'm asking myself now, why did I even bother to 'smuggle' in so many things from Malaysia when I can get the all here. Baka!!!

Pondan cake anyone?

O_o

Later throughout the evening, we went to La Jolla Beach. I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Doing some aerobics, I suppose?

Some rare Muslim tourists


Aileen Kua (Elena's in-law), Jeremy Kua (Elena's Bro), and Elena

Well, that is that. I'm heading off to Texas tomorrow morn. Hope I don't lose my passport again. I'm really looking forward to seeing old friends and whipping up some wicked Bak Kut Teh once I reach there!

PS: Totally random but Sim, I'm totally missing your hair!!!